I'm always jealous and insecure, what should i do?

[Starnette83]

I've been with my bf for over 3 years, we had lil break ups and for some reason im always jealous and insecure..and I HATE IT!! i want to not worry when he goes out..and just be cool..but i cant..im always thinking the "what if" what if he meets a pretty hot girl, will he leave me? like for example today is first day of summer classes..and we are going to different schools..and im already worried about the girls in his class..and stupid stuff like that!!

 

why is it??? what makes me this way and is there any way to fix it? part of it is that long Long time ago he told me he was curious to be with other girls..and well also when we used to go out he always would look at other chicks and it made me feel very little and insecure...so it sux big time, i need some confidence but i dont know how to even gain that when im so busy thinking about him..and being scared that he will look and want some other girl that is prettier, smarter ...etc...is this just all in my mind??? please helP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[uriel]

I once heard a woman married to an NFL star talk (on Oprah) about the terrible jealousy she felt, given all his groupies. Women threw themselves at him all the time. He said he stayed faithful. She wanted to believe him, but found it very hard. She'd been burned before (past bf). And this woman was smart, beautiful, classy. Hard to believe a woman like her would be so jealous, but she was. It was tearing her and their marriage apart.

 

She finally overcame her jealousy through working on her own self-esteem. She said her big realization was that she was afraid she wouldn't be able to handle it if he cheated. It would confirm all her worst fears about herself and leave her alone. She was equally afraid of both.

 

You might benefit from thinking about what you are so afraid of. Sounds like you worry that other women are smarter, prettier, and better than you. If he thinks so, too, your fears will come true.

 

You need to think about the unique combination of qualities you have -- and why those deserve to be valued. You should build up your self-confidence by telling yourself that whoever doesn't recognize and value that doesn't deserve your love.

 

If you continue to have nagging doubts about some areas of yourself, work on them. Read, work out, get therapy, whatever. Build a good relationship with yourself first -- and then you'll have one with him.

 

-- uriel

[asewel]

I have the same problem, i have had a few incidents with other jealous girls trying it on with my boyfriend, and through them my insecurities and risen so much that i can't stop thinking that my boyfriend is up to something when he really isn't, which causes arguments between us.

 

We have been together 2 years and before i knew him he had alot of girls as friends. So now and again girls (who i don't even know) say hi to him and flirt with him when i'm standing right next to him! He is so loyal to me as i have heard from my friends that when they have seen him in clubs and stuff he never looks at girls or talks to any and always tells them he is engaged to me. Which does make me feel better but i still have this annoying feeling that he is up to something! And it's killing me!!! and i know deep down he would never cheat on me, I'm constantly trying to trick him into telling me stuff and i'm fed up with playing games with him, i shouldn't have to coz he is innocent but i cant help it . The poor guy!, I'm always on his back trying to catch him out and i don't know why!!!!????

 

What has helped for me is to get friendly with another couple, His best friend (warren) started going out with my best friend (sarah) and i happen to work with warren, and we talk about anything i know he would never let my boyfriend cheat on me or do anything to hurt me and sarah is the same, we look out for eachother when we see one of us doing something wrong we tell them to stop. When my boyfriend see's warren being nice or buying something for sarah it encourages him to do the same with me and visa versa.

 

It also helps if you go out and have some fun, me and sarah do it every Saturday night, just girls!, it keeps them on there toes!!!

 

When me and my boyfriend broke up for a couple of weeks (due to other bitchy girl, funny enough) i went out as much as i could to the clubs i knew he would be in and flirt my head off! Men were coming up to me and asking me out and i found this confidence i never knew i had!! My boyfriend was shocked and sooo jealous and when i got back with my boyfriend i knew he was worried that i would leave him for someone else coz i proved that i could if i wanted to which made me feel much more secure in the relationship (But what he didn't know was that i was hurting just as much as he was, and i would never do anything to hurt him coz i love him so much) But lets not let him know that..huh!(before i didn't go out much and i think he thought i was just going to stay in, but did i prove him wrong, hell yes)!!!

 

All in all if i were you i would go out and enjoy your self i don't mean cheat on him or anything, just show him you can have fun too and i promise he will realize that he will have to keep a closer eye on you you will build and greater confidence in yourself!!!

[moimeme]

It hurts a LOT to be honest and not trusted. You do your relationship harm when you fail to trust someone, particularly if he's doing his best to be trustworthy. Try to remember that your jealousy and lack of trust is very hurtful.