pink_sugar Posted June 6, 2012 Share Posted June 6, 2012 My brother is planning to get married next year and by that point, he and his fiance will have been together 5 years, living together for over 4. To me personally, having a bachelor/bachelorette party is for someone technically single in the sense of the term. Either not living together yet or have lived together shortly. I personally think it's a bit silly to have these types of parties like you're single when you've been living together in a committed relationship for years before marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
RiverRunning Posted June 6, 2012 Share Posted June 6, 2012 I disagree. I DO think it's silly to have a wedding shower if you've already been living together for more than just a few months prior to the wedding (because presumably, you HAVE most of the stuff you would get through a marriage). But a bachelor party? It's just a fun get-together symbolically closing off your single years - even if in every other way you've been living the 'married' life for years. Until the paperwork is filed, it's not official! Since bachelor parties and the like just mean fun/playful gifts (and suggestive ones, wooo!), I think it's all fine. But wedding showers? Dumb in this situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pink_sugar Posted June 6, 2012 Author Share Posted June 6, 2012 I actually never knew that about wedding showers, but that makes sense. My H and I lived together 11 months before we married and I always wondered why I was never thrown a bridal shower. I guess that makes sense. Link to post Share on other sites
zengirl Posted June 8, 2012 Share Posted June 8, 2012 Why couldn't one have a stag night or a bachelorette just because you live with someone? No one who is getting married is 'technically single' --- all of them are just as engaged as the last, living together or not, and already have committed, etc, etc. I don't see why it matters one way or the other; I assume people will throw the events they want for their wedding. Link to post Share on other sites
denise_xo Posted June 8, 2012 Share Posted June 8, 2012 I disagree, too. In my social circles, there is not a single couple who did not live together before they got married. Nearly all of them had a bachelor/hen party before their weddings. It's just a nice occasion for celebrating the upcoming event with your friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pink_sugar Posted June 8, 2012 Author Share Posted June 8, 2012 I definitely agree with being able to go out and have drinks or something with your friends to celebrate, for guys and girls. Although, I think the "let's go to a strip club or bring strippers to us" like a single guys or single girls night out seems a tad inappropriate for someone in a serious relationship. I don't know maybe it's just me. *shrugs* Link to post Share on other sites
zengirl Posted June 8, 2012 Share Posted June 8, 2012 I definitely agree with being able to go out and have drinks or something with your friends to celebrate, for guys and girls. Although, I think the "let's go to a strip club or bring strippers to us" like a single guys or single girls night out seems a tad inappropriate for someone in a serious relationship. I don't know maybe it's just me. *shrugs* Well, strippers sounds no less appropriate for people who are living together than anyone else who's engaged to get married. I'm not terribly crazy about the idea of strippers at a stag, period (neither is hubby, as he finds strippers kind of gross), though I don't REALLY care. It just seems tacky to me, in general (male or female strippers), with my personal sensibilities. But I don't see how one commitment to marriage is any different than any other --- if the person is committed to marry someone, aren't they ALWAYS in a serious relationship? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted June 8, 2012 Share Posted June 8, 2012 Having a traditional guys night or girls night out is absolutely socially OK regardless if they have been living together, their age, or the type of wedding. It's the " Showers" that are a bit of a reach when a couple has been living together, I mean...you still need a toaster? Link to post Share on other sites
RiverRunning Posted June 8, 2012 Share Posted June 8, 2012 Having a traditional guys night or girls night out is absolutely socially OK regardless if they have been living together, their age, or the type of wedding. It's the " Showers" that are a bit of a reach when a couple has been living together, I mean...you still need a toaster? Exactly! I have known people who have been living together for more than a few months to load down their wedding shower registries with all kinds of appliances. And I've been to some of their homes: it's not like they're missing these items or the items or old or outdated. They just want 'new' everything. I can understand having maybe one or two bigger items on your wedding registry, but the folks who have toasters, microwaves, new dishes, new towels, etc....and they've been living together...I have an instant, "Are you kidding me?" style reaction. If I were living with someone for at least 6 months prior to the wedding, I would not have a wedding shower. Less than that and I think it's socially acceptable to have one - you're still kind of getting settled in at that point. I have the same rant about second baby showers, though. Unless the kid's a surprise or born several years later. Link to post Share on other sites
zengirl Posted June 9, 2012 Share Posted June 9, 2012 I don't actually see the problem with wedding showers when you're already living together. My friends actually threw me a wedding shower AFTER I was married (because we basically eloped at city hall). We didn't really get as much household stuff, but they bought us gifts. I think it's just something nice you do for your friends --- I guess the expectation of gifts for every darn thing in this day and age is annoying, but it's still nice when people want to remember and celebrate your choices. I would've never thought to have the shower if my friends hadn't thrown it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted June 9, 2012 Share Posted June 9, 2012 (edited) Bachelor/Bachelorette parties in the sense of wild drinking, strippers and debauchery makes no sense to me in any case. I think it is an American invention that is tied to the idea that marriage is some ball and chain so you need a last night of freedom to be do all kinds of hedonistic things. Frankly, I don't see marriage in that way,and the last thing I would be thinking of before I go down the aisle the next day is to spend the previous night getting wasted and having some stranger's privates in my face. I have never been to such a bachelorette party, but rather bridal showers, where there is food, drinks, you give gifts to the bride to be, sometimes gag gifts too, play games and have fun.So it depends on who you are I suppose, as none of my friends would do that and no one I know has had that kind of party. I've only ever been to bridal showers that are pretty classy and the whole idea is that all the ladies come together, drink, have fun, share stories, advice, sometimes there may be little raunchy games but the whole point is to celebrate the impending marriage not make it seem like some last hooray before your life ends so you need to be wasted and have naked men on you. The kind of man I will marry most likely won't be trying to do that either and in the culture I'm originally from it is not a common practice for men to do this. The boys may hang out, drink, shoot some pool, play basketball or do some other guy thing....but it's not a cultural norm that they get strippers, and even if it were, I wouldn't marry a guy who would want to do that before our wedding. I'd rather marry someone who is excited to walk down the aisle with me the next day, who will have clean fun the night before and not be hell bent on having some strange woman on him before I "tie him down". I do not think that is a great way to start off your new life.... Edited June 9, 2012 by MissBee 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author pink_sugar Posted June 9, 2012 Author Share Posted June 9, 2012 Bachelor/Bachelorette parties in the sense of wild drinking, strippers and debauchery makes no sense to me in any case. I think it is an American invention that is tied to the idea that marriage is some ball and chain so you need a last night of freedom to be do all kinds of hedonistic things. Frankly, I don't see marriage in that way,and the last thing I would be thinking of before I go down the aisle the next day is to spend the previous night getting wasted and having some stranger's privates in my face. I have never been to such a bachelorette party, but rather bridal showers, where there is food, drinks, you give gifts to the bride to be, sometimes gag gifts too, play games and have fun.So it depends on who you are I suppose, as none of my friends would do that and no one I know has had that kind of party. I've only ever been to bridal showers that are pretty classy and the whole idea is that all the ladies come together, drink, have fun, share stories, advice, sometimes there may be little raunchy games but the whole point is to celebrate the impending marriage not make it seem like some last hooray before your life ends so you need to be wasted and have naked men on you. The kind of man I will marry most likely won't be trying to do that either and in the culture I'm originally from it is not a common practice for men to do this. The boys may hang out, drink, shoot some pool, play basketball or do some other guy thing....but it's not a cultural norm that they get strippers, and even if it were, I wouldn't marry a guy who would want to do that before our wedding. I'd rather marry someone who is excited to walk down the aisle with me the next day, who will have clean fun the night before and not be hell bent on having some strange woman on him before I "tie him down". I do not think that is a great way to start off your new life.... I feel the same way. We never had a bachelor/bachelorette party either. My husband and I have never really been into partying and the idea of being hungover on our wedding day didn't really appeal to us whatsoever. I think there is a difference between having a fun night with your friends and some drinks, but nothing like you see in the Hangover movies. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RiverRunning Posted June 12, 2012 Share Posted June 12, 2012 Who says you have to have the bachelor/bachelorette party the night before the wedding? Nothing good can come from having it the night before! I think my dad wound up having to sit periodically before and after the ceremony because he was so hung-over. If I recall, my mom was -furious- with him about that one. Heh heh. I did hear another story about some other relative grabbing someone's hat and throwing up into it on his wedding day. Link to post Share on other sites
denise_xo Posted June 12, 2012 Share Posted June 12, 2012 I definitely agree with being able to go out and have drinks or something with your friends to celebrate, for guys and girls. Although, I think the "let's go to a strip club or bring strippers to us" like a single guys or single girls night out seems a tad inappropriate for someone in a serious relationship. I don't know maybe it's just me. *shrugs* Oh, I agree with that. I think the whole strip club thing is totally pitiful. Thankfully, I live in a country where strip clubs on bachelor parties isn't as big as in some other countries. Obviously, there are some men who do that, but lots don't. I don't know any men in my social circles who did strip clubs for their bachelor parties. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted June 12, 2012 Share Posted June 12, 2012 I actually never knew that about wedding showers, but that makes sense. My H and I lived together 11 months before we married and I always wondered why I was never thrown a bridal shower. I guess that makes sense. I don't think that makes sense! My H and I had lived together for 2 years before we got married and I had 3 showers. I was involved in a wedding party, and as a wedding gift we pooled our money and bought the couple a new fridge, stove, and dishwasher for their new kitchen they had just renovated. I always threw a bridal shower for a gf getting married no matter what her status, living arrangements, etc. It's just a nice thing to do, and a nice way of acknowledging you're happy for your friend. I don't know about anyone else but I threw a $50,000 wedding when I got married and I was happy to do it. Shower gifts and wedding gifts didn't balance out the expense of the wedding- but that wasn't an issue. I just think it's nice to be generous and involved when someone you care about is getting hitched. It's not about gifts as much as it is about celebrating. I think bachelor/ette parties are silly in the traditional sense. Sure, go out and have some beers with your mates and have some bonding time- but to involve strippers as a sexual outlet is silly. It shouldn't be seen as the last night you'll ever have fun- because that demeans marriage. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author pink_sugar Posted June 13, 2012 Author Share Posted June 13, 2012 I don't know about anyone else but I threw a $50,000 wedding when I got married and I was happy to do it. Shower gifts and wedding gifts didn't balance out the expense of the wedding- but that wasn't an issue. I just think it's nice to be generous and involved when someone you care about is getting hitched. It's not about gifts as much as it is about celebrating. I think bachelor/ette parties are silly in the traditional sense. Sure, go out and have some beers with your mates and have some bonding time- but to involve strippers as a sexual outlet is silly. It shouldn't be seen as the last night you'll ever have fun- because that demeans marriage. I know people say asking for money is tacky and my MIL encouraged us not to ask for money. To be honest we could have used help for a honeymoon (one of those honeymoon fund registries) rather than a new toaster or comforter or whatever. I didn't get a shower or a honeymoon and the wedding itself was cut short. My H brother asked for money when they got married because they were going off to college (although household items were useful for them too because they moved in after marriage). However, what I think is tacky is when everyone knows you make really good money and then ask for money as gifts at your reception AND have a pre-wedding party with invitations requesting you to bring money with some tacky saying "donate to the wishing well". We definitely would have loved money being full time college students, but it really looks tacky to ask for money before and after your wedding. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted June 13, 2012 Share Posted June 13, 2012 Pink, had I been in your wedding party I would have thrown you multiple showers and given you a kick-ass stag and doe that would have made you money:love: I never asked for money, but a lot of people did give money as a gift regardless! I really just wanted to have a wild party and be married- and I was lucky to have a good group of friends and family supporting me. Link to post Share on other sites
RiverRunning Posted June 13, 2012 Share Posted June 13, 2012 By all means, if a friend throws you a shower, go with it. But, as I see it, most brides ask their friends to throw them a shower for appearances' sake - because they think it looks tacky to put on a shower for themselves. I would never have a shower for myself and request anything. And if a shower were thrown for me, everything on the guest list would be lower-priced items. Then again, I'm fairly working class and I'm against gigantic, ostentatious displays. I'd rather put more money into my Honeymoon than my wedding. I'd never pay more than $10k for a wedding, and realistically, less than $5k. Thankfully, one of my uncles plays for one of the biggest wedding bands in the state and has offered to DJ/play at any future wedding for free. When I was with my ex, collectively, we only had about 55 people to invite to a wedding. So, a very cheap affair was very possible. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
chrissylee Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 It depends what you mean by bachelore/bachelorette parties. If you mean a night out at the bar with friends then I think they are ok..... Howeever if you are talking about a night with strippers then I do not think these are ok under any circumstance. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 My husband and I lived together for over two years by the time we had our bachelor/bachlorette parties. I don't think it's a problem at all, the point is for you to enjoy a final night as an umarried individual. Mine was a blast and I know my husband loved his as well. We didn't do any strip clubs for either of our parties, we just went to clubs (we had them on seperate nights) and bars. Link to post Share on other sites
irin Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 Are X-rated bachelor parties on the way out? The rise of low-key grooms who want pre-wedding bashes WITHOUT the strippers | Mail Online this made me smile! Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 I think the trend now is a guy/girl get-together for bonding but not the crazy wild night that used be done. I know for us, he is probably going to do a guys trip, deep sea fishing, but isn't interested in the stripper thing. We aren't super young, and so the novelty of strippers has worn off. He has seen his few and said he isn't interested. He has always wanted to go deep sea fishing and if he could add scuba diving to it I think he will have died and gone to heaven. I don't care one way or another but I have no interest in a stripper(s) for me. I day at the spa sounds so much better! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 I would think that the bachelor/ette party would be slightly different or altered to fit the lifestyle of being in a committed living together situation but I think the party would still be appropriate.. ie:.. no strippers etc ... The party would be more like a get together and a send off rather than someone partying out their singledom. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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