Truth Is! Stranger Than Fiction.

[seranade]

Four month's ago my wife of 15 years told me she no longer loved me. Whe have two kids, 8 and 6. She said she felt like a single parent and that I had not fulfilled her needs for a few years. My first reaction was to rationalize the situation and blame her for everything. After a swift kick in the ass and some hard truth with my priest I realized she was correct.

 

I had received a promotion several years ago and had been working between 12 to 14 hours a day on a regular basis. I did well in my job but poorly in my marriage.

 

Soon after she told me I visited my parents. During the drive I noticed our bank account short $1,000.00. I called the bank and asked for copies of all transactions. I called my wife and she said the money was for an ad she ran on a house for sale (she's a realtor) but that her girlfriend had loaned her the money. I told her that was not necessary but she insisted.

 

The following week I began to receive faxes from the bank. The first one received was the loan deposit my wife told me about. The check from her girlfriend was for $50.00. There was another check for $700.00 from a couple I don't know. The check was made out with the man filling my wifes name and signing the check. My wife filled out the date and dollar amount. When I asked her my wife said the other check was from her girlfriends brother. Two nights later, out of the blue, my wife said that the check was from a man she met online and that he loaned her the money. I was blown away. She said she was not having an affair, never had one, never talked on the phone with him, and never met him. She said he was in the army and that this guy said that people in the armed forces loan each other money like this all the time. My wife would tell me no more. She said she needed her privacy.

 

I could not leave it alone. I found the telephone number and left a message stating my thanks for the loan and intention to pay it back immediately. I then took a guess at this guy's email address and sent the same message copying my wife. As soon as she read it my wife called me to say that it was not a loan. He was paying her back because she loaned him the money, from our dell computer account, so he could buy a laptop computer. Now I was blown to pieces. She still said no to having an affair, phone calls, meeting him, etc...

 

When this all began my wife wanted a divorce. She met with a lawyer and said no to reconciliation and counseling. I asked her, one last time, to try counseling. She said yes and we met with counselers together and separate a number of times. Soon she said she was not sure about a divorce but that she wanted to separate and that we needed to sell the house. Now we've receive a couple of offers and my wife states that maybe we should separate, living together, for the sake of the kids. I don't know whats best anymore.

 

I love my wife and I want to put our relationship back together. She says she needs space and time and that she wants to be alone. I sometimes think she needs to see me go through this for her to prove my love. Other times I feel she never really loved me because she can't seem to forgive. I feel like a fool.

 

Thanks for any comments or advice.

[TempSain]

Regarding your wife's military friend.

Think really deep inside yourself. What does you gut tell you about him?

From what you mentioned so far, I would say that he is the other man in her life.

Why would she buy someone a computer and lie to you to cover it up?

Something doesn't add up here.

[seranade]

I'm not sure. I find it hard to believe that this all happened if it was only an online frienship but she's not going out or away from the house at all. I've given her every opportunity to tell me the truth without reprise. If their relationship was more serious I think she would be out with him and that she would have told me. But like I said, sometimes I find it hard to think otherwise.