AshleighL Posted June 6, 2012 Posted June 6, 2012 I have been dating my current boyfriend for two years now, and this passed weekend he broke the news that he was joining the air force. It came as a complete shock to me considering he has talked about nothing but this one college all year long. Now he is going into the military? The thing about it is that like I said we are just dating. I am just about to turn seventeen and he just turned eighteen. It isn't like we are older and married. I can't go with him wherever he goes. That puts me in something I never wanted to be a part of: a long distance relationship. Of course, I Love my boyfriend to death, and he has helped me so much in our two years together (I was molested and abused in other ways when I was fourteen, and he was always there for me). I am going to, without a doubt in my mind, stay with him and support him as much as I possibly can. However, the idea of him being states away from me and then even countries away from me is absolutely terrifying. I haven't gone a day in over two years without talking to him, and this is going to be a major change for the both of us. This is something he really wants to do, and he is a hero for it, but I just cannot shake the strong fear and anxiety that I am feeling. I would really appreciate any advice as to how I can support him and relax myself as well.
cerridwen Posted June 6, 2012 Posted June 6, 2012 Balance. Who else can offer you support? Both you and he will need it. Friends? Family? Organizations? Have you received therapy for the abuse? He'll be preoccupied. You'll be lonely and feeling his absence, so best to search out alternative resources for support. If you're feeling strong, he'll be able to lean on you, and the two of you can grow. But stabilize. Strengthen yourself with the support of others. 1
Author AshleighL Posted June 7, 2012 Author Posted June 7, 2012 I have tried turning to both of our families for support, but both of them are telling me that I need to suck it up and support him right now. I am trying so hard to be there for him, but I need someone there for me too. Everyone has given me the same answer. Nobody is understanding how difficult it is for me. Then again, that must just be me being selfish again. As to answer your other question, no I have not gone to therapy for the abuse cause by my ex-boyfriend. Everyone is always looking for me to be strong, so it was never really an option for me. I have been battling it all on my own for almost three years. I didn't even tell my parents until a few months ago. My boyfriend was the only one who knew.
TMichaels Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 I have tried turning to both of our families for support, but both of them are telling me that I need to suck it up and support him right now. I am trying so hard to be there for him, but I need someone there for me too. Everyone has given me the same answer. Nobody is understanding how difficult it is for me. Then again, that must just be me being selfish again. As to answer your other question, no I have not gone to therapy for the abuse cause by my ex-boyfriend. Everyone is always looking for me to be strong, so it was never really an option for me. I have been battling it all on my own for almost three years. I didn't even tell my parents until a few months ago. My boyfriend was the only one who knew. Ashleigh, I understand with your boyfriend enlisting and going away you feel like someone has just yanked the one and only life preserver you had in your life, and you're in danger of drowning without it, but you have to realize one thing: While your bf has been critical in helping you open up about the abuse you suffered, *he can't heal you,* you need to take responsibility and initiate action to do that yourself. I can't believe now that your parents know, they haven't urged you or made sure you have had access to some professional help. But, you need to do it. Not only will it lift the incredible burden you've been carrying for the past few years, it will help you deal with your bf's deployment so that your relationship will be stronger than ever when he returns. If you don't think you're worthy, then do it for your bf and the future of your relationship. If you don't, what you went through will continue to taint and affect any relationships you have for the rest of your life. Best, TMichaels
TripLine Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 I will be real with you. You said you just started, so that is a good thing. If he was talking about college, he needs a way to pay for college, Military is a top choice. If you are lucky, you two will talk once a weekend when he hits boot camp. After that, you guys wont be talking much or at all. You kind of run out of things to say in 4 years. Also the Air Force has the HOTTEST girls in all of the branches. Some stations in the Air Force can also be fun so he wont need as much support as you think. Once he starts making doe and buy whatever he wants, he will have a new life of his own. I support you to break off the Long Distance crap because it will never work. LDR at 17 doesnt even make any sense. -Truth-
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