tornangel Posted June 7, 2012 Share Posted June 7, 2012 So I filed for custody today after 3 yrs of being pushed around. Have a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, and terrified of losing my son to him. because he manipulated me so much I still hear his words in the back of my mind making me feel so small : { I hate this fear and want to scream , I sat in lawyers office for 2 hours anxiety ridden whole time, heart pounding . Yet still fighting .... Still standing, even thru all of his voices ..... Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted June 7, 2012 Share Posted June 7, 2012 Unless you are a drug addict, violent, or walk the street as your profession, you will get custody. Fathers don't have a prayer unless they can deem the mother unfit. And it is almost impossible to deem a mother unfit unless something like the above is true. So as long as you don't carry traits like that, you'll get custody. Link to post Share on other sites
CopingGal Posted June 7, 2012 Share Posted June 7, 2012 I heard that times are changing though, so try to relax, but be diligent in doing everything you need to do to get custody. Your ex sounds like a fool. Link to post Share on other sites
M30USA Posted June 9, 2012 Share Posted June 9, 2012 Unless you are a drug addict, violent, or walk the street as your profession, you will get custody. Fathers don't have a prayer unless they can deem the mother unfit. And it is almost impossible to deem a mother unfit unless something like the above is true. So as long as you don't carry traits like that, you'll get custody. I wouldn't worry. My wife was arrested for domestic violence against me, with a police report and photographs, yet she still got 50-50 custody when she filed. Courts only care about things which affect kids. Violence against a spouse isn't against the child so it doesn't matter (unless the man perpetrate it if course). Things which would impact your custody would be: child abuse, drug addiction, history of inability to hold job (unless you've been a SAHM). Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 I wouldn't worry. My wife was arrested for domestic violence against me, with a police report and photographs, yet she still got 50-50 custody when she filed. Courts only care about things which affect kids. Violence against a spouse isn't against the child so it doesn't matter (unless the man perpetrate it if course). Things which would impact your custody would be: child abuse, drug addiction, history of inability to hold job (unless you've been a SAHM). I'm talking about full custody, or becoming the custodial parent. If there is violence against a parent, then there can be violence in the home, whether directed at the child or not. And the courts don't want the child to be exposed to that. Thats why 50-50 was possible, but I highly doubt, unless you didn't contest it, that she'd have been able to get custody. But I will concede that its nearly impossible to deem a mother unfit, even if she is. For someone to deem a mother unfit, they better have some hard tangible evidence. Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 Custody is always an open issue. Is this the first motion for custody? Are you just now leaving the shared home? How old is your child? Has your attorney arranged for a full psychological of you and your child by a psychologist who will testify in court? In serious cases of disputed custody the court will require evaluations. Good luck to you, there is a lot of room to mediate this prior to an actual trial for custody. Link to post Share on other sites
goodthingscome Posted July 6, 2012 Share Posted July 6, 2012 What most people (victims) don't get about abuser's, is that they are bullies. They are insecure, have no self esteem and are filled with self hate. My first husband beat me, cheated on me, abandoned me. Told me he would kill me if I ever left him. For years I believed him. It took me having a child, and knowing that one day he would abuse her, to get the courage to leave. I rode with a bat in my car for months, my employer locked the access door during work hours and someone always walked me to my car. You know what? I never saw him... It was all bluff, thank God. Later he suggested getting back together and I looked him straight in the eyes and asked him if he was nuts? Because if he ever raised his hand to me again, I would kill him, and I meant it. Link to post Share on other sites
CopingGal Posted July 6, 2012 Share Posted July 6, 2012 What most people (victims) don't get about abuser's, is that they are bullies. They are insecure, have no self esteem and are filled with self hate. My first husband beat me, cheated on me, abandoned me. Told me he would kill me if I ever left him. For years I believed him. It took me having a child, and knowing that one day he would abuse her, to get the courage to leave. I rode with a bat in my car for months, my employer locked the access door during work hours and someone always walked me to my car. You know what? I never saw him... It was all bluff, thank God. Later he suggested getting back together and I looked him straight in the eyes and asked him if he was nuts? Because if he ever raised his hand to me again, I would kill him, and I meant it. Wow. Glad you are away from him. I wasn't physically abused. I was emotionally and mentally abused. I never want to see him again and believe me, I stay away from him. Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted July 6, 2012 Share Posted July 6, 2012 I wouldn't worry. My wife was arrested for domestic violence against me, with a police report and photographs, yet she still got 50-50 custody when she filed. Courts only care about things which affect kids. Violence against a spouse isn't against the child so it doesn't matter (unless the man perpetrate it if course). Things which would impact your custody would be: child abuse, drug addiction, history of inability to hold job (unless you've been a SAHM). Oh but you better believe that if the tables were turned and YOU were arrested for dom. violence, that you'd more than likely get supervised visitation. Link to post Share on other sites
M30USA Posted July 6, 2012 Share Posted July 6, 2012 Oh but you better believe that if the tables were turned and YOU were arrested for dom. violence, that you'd more than likely get supervised visitation. Yep, even if I gave her a minor punch with 1/4 the force she used against me, she would get full custody with me getting supervised visitation. She really slugged me good with a solid wooden board and left multiple bruises. Her father asked me to have "mercy" on her and not press charges, etc, etc. I told him if the tables were turned I would probably hardly see my kids ever again. He didn't even respond to that--because he knew it was true. And he would be the first to push for it, too. What hypocrites. Link to post Share on other sites
Nicomis Posted July 7, 2012 Share Posted July 7, 2012 It can be done fellas. I got full custody, but only after my ex got 3 DUI's in 2 years, passed out drunk and let our then 3 year old daughter have the run of the house, and ran out of gas on a major highway with my daughter in the car while intoxicated at 2am in a really bad area of Atlanta, came home and informed me our daughter was still in the Taxi, and that I had to pay the driver $30, and then proceeded to smash my guitar over my head and get arrested. That, along with getting kicked out of rehab lost it for her. Link to post Share on other sites
M30USA Posted July 7, 2012 Share Posted July 7, 2012 It can be done fellas. I got full custody, but only after my ex got 3 DUI's in 2 years, passed out drunk and let our then 3 year old daughter have the run of the house, and ran out of gas on a major highway with my daughter in the car while intoxicated at 2am in a really bad area of Atlanta, came home and informed me our daughter was still in the Taxi, and that I had to pay the driver $30, and then proceeded to smash my guitar over my head and get arrested. That, along with getting kicked out of rehab lost it for her. Dang, that's quite a rap sheet. It's sad that it takes THAT much for a woman to lose custody. Take a SINGLE one of the things on that list...and if a man does it (even 1/2 as bad), he's lost the kids. What a sham. Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted July 9, 2012 Share Posted July 9, 2012 It can be done fellas. I got full custody, but only after my ex got 3 DUI's in 2 years, passed out drunk and let our then 3 year old daughter have the run of the house, and ran out of gas on a major highway with my daughter in the car while intoxicated at 2am in a really bad area of Atlanta, came home and informed me our daughter was still in the Taxi, and that I had to pay the driver $30, and then proceeded to smash my guitar over my head and get arrested. That, along with getting kicked out of rehab lost it for her. Well of course it can be done in your case. All of what you described will deem them unfit. Alcohol abuse, as well as abusing it when in her children's presence. So yes, you have one of those situations where she screwed up enough that you could get custody. Being simply void of scruples or morals isn't enough, however, in the eyes of the court. Link to post Share on other sites
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