24/7-mommy Posted June 7, 2012 Share Posted June 7, 2012 OK I really need some help with this... I have no one to turn to about this.... so please be kind and not rude.... I've been in a Roller coaster relationship for about 5 years now. We have broken up about 6 times during the last 5 years and everytime its been his doing not mine. He has throwing me out twice an 1 of the times with our daughter. (She was only 9months at that time) 2 of the time that we were not together I did not think I would get back together so I started looking around. I went and had some fun during those 2 brakes with friends and both times ended up finding more than I thought I was going to find. So because of that he considers it cheating even though I strongly did not think we were getting back together at all, and because I did not tell him about these things right of the bat because we were NOT together he also considered as I was lying to him. He still holds both of these things against me and makes it known everytime we get into an argument or a fight, but yet he always says the past is in the past and you leave it there and yet he never does. He can be a quiet mentally abusive however he has so many good qualities in him that I always look past it. We currently have a 3 year old little girl and last 2 years he's been away at college, so hes only seen her and me over holidays and I know he love her and me but this is all difficult. an I just don't know what to do anymore cuz i wanna be with him but he doesn't think it's going to work because I do not like to get in to yelling fights with him all the time and I'm not at the weight I was once at and said I wanted to be at. An because I said I wanted to look like I did he took it as I was promising him this. I truly feel that he's the one I'm to spend my life with, however I don't think he's fit to be alone with our child till he gets to know her! She is going through speech and OT! From the time he has been back he has only been alone with her for 3hrs. And during the week he does not see her for long before he goes to work (10-20min). And now he has his own place and our daughter and i live in a different place, however that was my idea so we can reconect and rekindle our love. He agreed and he understood. He's also been telling me that he love's me but he can't live with me. I truly want this to work. He did have a son before me and him were together and he gave him up. I do not know if that will hinder him if he try to come after me for coustdy. If anyone can help or has been through something like this please help me because I want things to work out! Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted June 7, 2012 Share Posted June 7, 2012 You have quite an abuser there and I promise you that you can do better. A few good qualities does not make up for misery. It feels like he is your future because it's what you know. I once felt like my ex was my future until I worked my way out of that situation and saw how poorly I had been treated. I know how love works but re-read what you wrote and tell me what you see is worth putting yourself and your daughter through this? Link to post Share on other sites
Author 24/7-mommy Posted June 7, 2012 Author Share Posted June 7, 2012 N how theI understand how it sounds but I forgot to add he has PTSD, ADHD, and sleep walking non of these are not being treated. I'm not trying to defend him or justify things I just forgot to say that part. I do see what your talking about and I always have, however when things are good they are out of this world amazing! An when he gets to spend time with our daughter and me most the time he's good. It just depends on how the day starts out... Granted he's said if "things" hit the fan that he was going to try and take her from me. An he's said that if anyone trys to keep him from her body's will be laid out.... I strongly to not think he would do these things because as his mother said to me "he wouldn't know what the hell to do with her (her being our daughter)" I'm still lost in this whole thing, I just needed to add in the things above...... Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted June 7, 2012 Share Posted June 7, 2012 Now is it really that amazing or does it just look that was in comparison? I've been in a bad relationship and you'd be amazed how just average looks wonderful when you've been treated poorly. It doesn't matter what his reasons for abuse are, none are valid. The thing is if he cared enough about you he would be working his tail off to correct these issues rather than doing what he has been doing. All you did with that response is provide more evidence of his abuse. Even his threats about taking your child away are just a means to control you and keep you around. It might not be a bad idea to consider therapy for yourself to help you get out of this victim role and learn what a healthy relationship consists of. What happens if you stay and this abuse gets thrown at your child? Will you be able to live with that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author 24/7-mommy Posted June 7, 2012 Author Share Posted June 7, 2012 I don't need therapy I do know what a good relationship is suppose to be. Our relationship was a healthy once at one point but then something changed and I don't know what changed. I would never let him treat our daughter the way he's been treating me. I've been trying to talk to lawyers to find out what options I have. Every time I talk to a lawyer they say they can help but then they back out because of my income. I know things could be better if he got help but he refuses to get help because he doesn't think anything is wrong with him. Link to post Share on other sites
CopingGal Posted June 8, 2012 Share Posted June 8, 2012 N how theI understand how it sounds but I forgot to add he has PTSD, ADHD, and sleep walking non of these are not being treated. I'm not trying to defend him or justify things I just forgot to say that part. I do see what your talking about and I always have, however when things are good they are out of this world amazing! An when he gets to spend time with our daughter and me most the time he's good. It just depends on how the day starts out... Granted he's said if "things" hit the fan that he was going to try and take her from me. An he's said that if anyone trys to keep him from her body's will be laid out.... This sounds like he has much more than PTSD, ADHA, and sleep walking problems. Link to post Share on other sites
CopingGal Posted June 8, 2012 Share Posted June 8, 2012 He threw you and your baby out when she was 9 months old? Come on, a real man would have left and let you and the child stay. This man is a real loser and you don't need that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 24/7-mommy Posted June 8, 2012 Author Share Posted June 8, 2012 We lived in an apartment that I couldn't afford alone or he would of left. so because I would not of been able to pay for it he stayed and we left..... Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 Are you on welfare? I would think you'd be able to get free legal aid. Link to post Share on other sites
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