Logik Posted June 7, 2012 Share Posted June 7, 2012 Being single now for 3 years and trying to get "back on that horse" has just made me realise that I'm better off alone. I don't see the point of chasing that impossible dream of finding someone who will take me as I am. It feels like I am oil and ALL other people are water. Maybe just realising this and accepting it might be the right way to go and just keep living my life as it is now. Society says that you need to have a significant other. For what? Really? They also say always be yourself and never pretend. Well, everyone tells me to pretend in order to attract a SO because the real me is a bit intense for people to take. It's a joke actually. Everything is a contradiction. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 7, 2012 Share Posted June 7, 2012 I hope you find peace with that. My exW and I split up a few months before you joined LS and were divorced about a year after. I've been alone since we split up. I have a whole pack of married friends and am just fine being the guy who didn't get remarried. My opinion is be who you are. Pretending likely won't provide longevity or joy in any meaningful way. If you're 'intense' and love being that way, own it. Embrace it. Celebrate it. If you've heard that from society, I cosign it. The other part, not so much. Want a loving spouse/partner? Yeah, I'll cosign that. Need? Nah, life is good. I emphasize the 'loving' part now. Better to be alone otherwise, IMO. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
M30USA Posted June 7, 2012 Share Posted June 7, 2012 Being single now for 3 years and trying to get "back on that horse" has just made me realise that I'm better off alone. I don't see the point of chasing that impossible dream of finding someone who will take me as I am. It feels like I am oil and ALL other people are water. Maybe just realising this and accepting it might be the right way to go and just keep living my life as it is now. Society says that you need to have a significant other. For what? Really? They also say always be yourself and never pretend. Well, everyone tells me to pretend in order to attract a SO because the real me is a bit intense for people to take. It's a joke actually. Everything is a contradiction. You are entirely correct. In my opinion people marry for the following reasons: Men - for sex Women - for children, or fear of being alone, or for financial support, or to have someone do work for them Love isn't the main reason. And most people don't discover that until the reasons listed above fade away or don't apply anymore. Then you realize you weren't in love to begin with. Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted June 8, 2012 Share Posted June 8, 2012 Marry for sex? My sex life died two weeks after we took our vows A big part of the reason that I got married was family pressure. To be honest I never wanted to get married. I was the first born of a first born of a first born, and the only one of a dozen grandkids capable of passing on the family name. I was 35 and had been getting pressure to marry and have a family for well over a dozen years. Odd thing is, seeing this beautiful woman walk down the aisle to take the wedding vows with me changed me, and for the short time it lasted it was some of the happiest days in my life, even with my lessened sex life Logik I totally understand where you are coming from, as I have always walked to the beat of a different drummer. And after my marriage died, I quickly realized that I don't need anybody to validate my life. I was quite happy living alone and in fact preferred it, as I had no one but myself to answer to. I did what ever I wanted when ever it wanted. I don't have many friends, none in the local area who we would invite over for dinner. But did you notice the we in the last sentence. Yep, somehow I found a very good woman who does get me, and we have been happily in love for coming upon 17 years. If I can find someone special, any one can. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
health Posted June 9, 2012 Share Posted June 9, 2012 Logik - I totally get you. I'm 3 years single as well. I still get angry and hurtful thoughts of my break up. My problem was I think I liked her more then she did me so it didn't work. Now I want to find an equal where she likes me good too! So as soon as a girl rejects me in the slightets way, I give up on her. It's so tough being that guys always have to pick up girls. I could care less. I found happiness alone. I had to eventually - even if people get married - people die - I sure as hell am not going to be chasing after exes or crying about break ups - of course get the feeling out - but I feel like I'm done chasing girls. If I need a fix I'll go to a strip club. I really don't care. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SuperGeek Posted June 9, 2012 Share Posted June 9, 2012 I've been single 3 years myself after my ex of 5 years left me for a 22 year old dirtbag who lives with his parents, plays PS3 all day, is a felon, no education, and no job. She got engaged to him 2 months after she walked out on me and it lasted about 6 months. She tried running back to me a year after we had been split up, but by then the pain of getting over her burned away any love that i had left for her -- sorry but you leave and get engaged to someone else, it's over baby for life! The trust is gone. After about 2 years post breakup, a few flings, and running away from a few possible long term relationships I'm content with being single. Am I completely happy? nope. Do i still feel lonely? yes at times. Right now I'm enjoying working on me, traveling, and making piles of money. I'm still pretty jaded though and have lost faith in marriage and long term relationships with women -- i just don't believe i have the ability to make a woman happy long term. Maybe I'm just damage goods? I guess after my ex left I just went numb. I just don't have it in me to go through the effort of the whole song and dance again. At least not right now. I gave so much of myself those 5 years and it ended in an instant. I just don't have anything to give and I'm fine with that. Everyone I know is married and has kids, while I go home by myself or to the gym after work -- it can be lonely at times. Some of my friends (33+) are going through huge painful divorces and are going to be locked in custody/alimony arrangements. I believe my friend is going to be paying a grand total of $50k a year to his ex for the next 20 years and that doesn't include cost of living increases each year. I think I will stick to the titty bar and escorts for awhile -- seems to be much much cheaper (and safer). Sadly, you'd be surprised how well an escort will treat a man even though they are being paid for it and it's a pittance compared to what i gave my ex (both financially and emotionally). My ex left before we got to the kids stage, so I thank her for throwing in the towel before wrecking more damage to my life. I still wish everyday that I could have had a family.. but perhaps it's just not in the cards for me. SuperGeek 1 Link to post Share on other sites
YellowShark Posted June 9, 2012 Share Posted June 9, 2012 Marry for sex? My sex life died two weeks after we took our vows. Q: What food is guaranteed to make a woman's sex drive drop 90%? A: Wedding cake. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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