jelly Posted June 28, 2004 Share Posted June 28, 2004 Need help with this-I have been married for 17 years/21 years knowing each other/ from the same country we both migrated to North America have a 22years old daughter attending university I am a businessman and a hard worker. My problem became known to me about two years ago when I received a telephone call from a female who told me that my wife was having a affair with her husband, I approached my wife and she denied it but she was not able to convince me. This led to an aguement when I discovered she had a cell phone both myself and our daughter did not know about, I also found the gentleman's phone number in her diary. We argued about this for a few days. She eventually destroyed the cell phone because she taught I may check the history. Things calm down for a few weeks when I accidentally stumble on another cell phone, she told me a story of her friend gave it to her however I found the receipt where she bought it. My first attempt to help her end this was to call the gentleman to talk to his, since his wife continue to call me with soties I could not believe my wife will do. My phone contact with this man he was very abusive on the phone, and from his phone conversation I understand that he was separated from his wife for physically assaulting her-later I found out this was because they were bought fighting over my wife I period of time went by and I did not receive any call from his wife, my relationship at home was experiencing the up and down thing. Until suddenly I began receiving the telephone calls, and my wife was not getting very angry about little things. Sex went down like other things even my suggestions were ignored, however I continue to try, it was getting worse. I did my detective work and over heard a conversation between my wife and the gentleman I did this on the day of my 17 years anniversary- I was amazed to hear my wife talking to this man, she was the opposite of the person I know for all these years. I confronted her and she innitally denied the conversation but later admit. She also promised to put and end to it-I leave this for about two weeks until she came home one night cook me dinner and said " I have taught about this and I think we should go our separate ways" We slept together that night and the following day she packed her clothes and left saying this is not about a man I was unhappy, I grew out of love, we got married too young, you did not show me enough love. Both myself and our daughter did not know where she was however I visit her work place asking her to consider the years invested, she seems to be totally confused and I get mixed answers all the time which drives me crazy. One month later I received a telephone call from the gentlemans wife that my wife is living with her husband-another blow to me. This man is married with two children with his current wife and two other children from another relationship. The 2 with his wife the last one was born about a week before he began living with my wife. The other child about 7 years old is handicap. His wife is also taking care of one of his child from another relationship. About my wife she began coming home during her break time at her work and we were having sex during that time this happen about once a week. I observed her nervousness during this time. She will call me from her work not from where she live. She will not discuss the issue and refused to talk about the relationship or the problem at hand- I began to see a counsellor she will not. For the gentleman he continued to see his wife and continue to sleep with her. His wife will call me and we both compare notes. His wife will like to have him back home and I will like to have my wife back, so we decide not to intervene but hope they both will realize that they are doing wrong. The most recent development is that the man my wife is living with had his wife telephone bug and recorded a causal conversation between myself and his wife talking about the situation. from the conversation he learn that my wife was still sleeping with me, and of course my wife learn that this man was still sleeping with his wife. Both my wife and this man blamed myself and his wife for talking to each other. It is now two week and my wife has not call me since. I decided that I am not talking to this gentlemans wife any more cause I have enough knowledge of whats taking place. I am willing to help my wife if she needs my help and to forgive her if she ask for this. I continue to love my wife. Link to post Share on other sites
supermom Posted June 29, 2004 Share Posted June 29, 2004 IMO you have every right to talk to his wife, since he is sleeping with yours, living with yours.... You and the married man's wife are the victims in this, also your daughter and their kids. So, since they both know that each of them is still sleeping with their legal spouses, and they continue to be together, I WOULD NOT FORGIVE her or take her back. They are in it for the sex and have no compassion for either of you, the children, or the wifes feelings. The married man has a new baby!? Now that just shows plain ignorance, the poor child doesn't even have a chance as a normal family. I would move on and spend as much time with your daughter as you can. You will need each other to lean on. Having a mother leave like that must be damaging to your daughter unfortunately. Ask her if she is willing to go to family counceling with you. Your wife made the upmost horrible mistake and she shows no remorse. Good luck and move on Link to post Share on other sites
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