Son doesn't want to spend time with dad

[jaymz]

Some people are idiots. My STBXW told me "you don't know what you have lost until its gone", for ages I took it the way she meant it, now I know it will come back to haunt her as she makes bad decision after bad decision.

 

One day our XSO may wake up and realise what they have lost, but its their problem and their relationships they are destroying. Its sad and I think it shows what type of people we are that we can see what they are doing and still care, despite everything, for them to do the right thing.

 

Letting go really is hard.

[Steen719]

Some people are idiots. My STBXW told me "you don't know what you have lost until its gone", for ages I took it the way she meant it, now I know it will come back to haunt her as she makes bad decision after bad decision.

 

One day our XSO may wake up and realise what they have lost, but its their problem and their relationships they are destroying. Its sad and I think it shows what type of people we are that we can see what they are doing and still care, despite everything, for them to do the right thing.

 

Letting go really is hard.

 

I know, Jay, and it is harder when you have kids. There always seems to be a string between you. Your kids are young and that really puts you right in the mix all of the time. Plus, she is jerking you around. My hope for you is that by the time you are actually through with all of the mess you are always embroiled in because of her tactics, letting go will be easier.

 

I make a concerted effort each time I think of times that make me feel nostalgic for my defunct marriage to do 2 things. I will only think about it for a short time and I make myself think about my financial state or how he has made me feel. If that doesn't work, I read the first few pages of my journal from last year and that makes me feel icky, but oh so glad I am so much better.

 

My son is old enough to maneuver his own relationship with his dad and I am making an effort to let him do just that. Unfortunately, you can't do that. Keep doing the right thing and one day, we will absolutely not care about what they think about us.

[g450]

And, your wife was having an affair, correct? So, she had her cake and was eating it too? Are you close to your son? Does he hold any ill will towards either of you and did he know of the affair?

 

She was in fact having an EA with at least one man that I could prove. Maybe more. All this started when she found FB and started chatting up with old friends from her HS days.

 

Never could prove that it got physical but the signs were there that it did get physical. No proof of that really but when a woman tells another man that she loves him over and over again and hasent said it to the man she is married too for years then the writing is on the wall.

 

She literally could not divorce me fast enough and would not tell anyone why she wanted a divorce. She said it was "her" business and she was not discussing it. I had a real hard time with this and that's when I started snooping but it was too little too late to get all the info I needed to do any divorce busting or to get closure. All the cheating signs were there though. In the end I guess it really does not matter. If a man has her heart her vagina will come along for the ride.

 

Yes my Son was resenful to her for doing this and he still is. He has alwasy sided with me because he knows I tried to fight for the marriage. He may always have ill feelings towards his mother but I told him to see her as an ill person and not judge her to harshly. She actually always was a good mother and he still needs that in his life even though he is not 22.

 

He was proud to be the best man at my wedding a few weeks ago btw. He is a handsome young man and is getting a bit serious with a girl himself.

[Steen719]

She was in fact having an EA with at least one man that I could prove. Maybe more. All this started when she found FB and started chatting up with old friends from her HS days.

 

Hmmm My XH found facebook, too. I would like to blame facebook, but I believe that he had general dissatisfaction with life, me and us.

 

 

Never could prove that it got physical but the signs were there that it did get physical. No proof of that really but when a woman tells another man that she loves him over and over again and hasent said it to the man she is married too for years then the writing is on the wall.

 

I understand...my XH asked the OW to marry him...never mind he was married and so was she.

 

 

He was proud to be the best man at my wedding a few weeks ago btw. He is a handsome young man and is getting a bit serious with a girl himself.

 

Congratulations on your new marriage. I give you credit for forging ahead in a new one. I don't know if I will ever go that route again, but then again, I am not that far out.

 

Dad blew him off again last Saturday. Now he is aiming for this weekend. Idk, I think the woman is jealous and won't let him come by himself and son is not interested in meeting her, so XH makes his choice. I don't understand it, but I guess I am not meant to. I practice letting go daily. I can't change the past and I can only control what I do and I keep telling myself that. I wouldn't want to be my XH when he realizes that he is harming his relationship with his only child by ditching him. Anyway, thanks and once again, congratulations and I'm glad your son is doing well.

[g450]

Well the only thing you really need to understand is the same thing that took me over a year to understand. And that is that some people are simply selfish. It's just that simple.

 

In the case of my Wifes youngest Son, his dad would only spend 15 mins with him at the most. Early in the relationship he would use his son as an excuse to talk to my W (Then GF). He had no intention of spending time with his son. He wanted money and sex from her.

 

He never let his son spend the night or the weekend with him and blamed his GF on that. Well now his GF dumped him alegedly so he has no excuse any more. Yet he still does not spend time with his Son.

 

I look at people like this it it makes me sick to my stomach that a grown middle aged man could act that way towards his own Son. Your XH will wind up just like my W's XH in the end. Their Sons will be grown and be resentful towards them for the rest of their lives. Their Sons wont have anything to do with them when they are grown. They will remember who took care of them and who really cared.

 

Sadly, I know of a case on her side of the family that has a young single mother that is also like this as well. She basically gave away custody of her young Son to her mother because she did not want to deal with him. Then she goes on and gets pregnant twice more and has two baby girls and keeps them. How screwed up is that? And even more screwed up is that the guy that got her pregnant also got her older sister pregnant years before then. You would think she would have learned from her sisters mistake.

 

So not only are some people incredibly selfish, some are incredibly stupid as well. And the next generation of these kids grow up all messed up and make the same mistakes their parents made. It's what I call the welfare / entitlement generation syndrome.

 

Anyway, sorry for the OT rant. Some of this stuff has been weighing heavily on my mind lately.