NC or friends maybe?

[Calico]

This may be a bit painful to read, but ... I think she did try that with you and it didn't work out. In a way, the time you had may have been a bit like a trial and she may in the end have felt that this wasn't it. It's not your fault, though, so don't go beating yourself up some more (which you will anyway, but I figured I'd at least mention it!), things just happen.

 

To quote Terry Pratchett: "There isn't a way things should be. There's just what happens, and what we do."

[barese1]

This may be a bit painful to read, but ... I think she did try that with you and it didn't work out. In a way, the time you had may have been a bit like a trial and she may in the end have felt that this wasn't it. It's not your fault, though, so don't go beating yourself up some more (which you will anyway, but I figured I'd at least mention it!), things just happen.

 

To quote Terry Pratchett: "There isn't a way things should be. There's just what happens, and what we do."

 

Thanks Calico,

 

Yeah I think you're right. She liked me at the start but it just wasn't enough. It does hurt becuase I was there while she was ready for another commited relationship which she now has. I'm left just missing her like crazy, more than I ever did.

 

Monday starts my road to real recovery but right now I can't see anything making me feel better. I just want to not care about her or miss her but these feelings just won't go away. Just once I wish she'd said it was hard for her too. Truth is it wasn't. I'm an absolute idiot

[Calico]

Just once I wish she'd said it was hard for her too. Truth is it wasn't. I'm an absolute idiot

 

My ex said that to me and it did not lessen the pain. If anything, it just made it harder to not hope, and it amplified the regrets.

 

You're not an idiot. Be gentle with yourself.

[barese1]

My ex said that to me and it did not lessen the pain. If anything, it just made it harder to not hope, and it amplified the regrets.

 

You're not an idiot. Be gentle with yourself.

 

Thanks Calico. And you're right it would have given me hope but changed nothing. My problem is that it only feels like yesterday we were happy but truth is we've been split for 5 months now. I really should be moving on but I'm not.

 

I'm dreading seeing her Saturday, simply because I know I still have feelings, but am really hoping that I'll be able to sort myself out afterwards. Like a fresh start. No hope. No contact. Have plans to get me out of depression...working out 3 times a day, starting judo, forcing myself to eat even if I don't feel like it and going on holiday.

 

My housemate says that within 4 weeks I should be set on the right path. I hope he's right, I can't stay on this path any longer.

[Dblock10]

i dont get why that would make you feel better if she said it was hard to?

 

my ex said this and it meant a lot hearing it at that moment in time... but now what? she still isn't with me and has moved abroad, hardly makes me feel good now.

 

all you can do is move on

[barese1]

i dont get why that would make you feel better if she said it was hard to?

 

my ex said this and it meant a lot hearing it at that moment in time... but now what? she still isn't with me and has moved abroad, hardly makes me feel good now.

 

all you can do is move on

 

Guess you and Calico are right, it would have changed nothing. Just wanted to know that I was important but clearly I wasn't.

 

Agreed, moving on is all that I can do. I don't want to wallow in self pity or miss her any longer than I already have

[Dblock10]

same nor do i mate. its a lost cause. got to stop obsessing over the past it wont get me you or anyone else anywhere. if it did we wouldn't be here still.

 

its all about forgetting that person and moving on. its for the best.

 

i get that you want to know you were important but sadly it seems perhaps you were a rebound. i dont know, either way even if you were important to her, she still isnt with you, it ended and it should be left there.

[barese1]

same nor do i mate. its a lost cause. got to stop obsessing over the past it wont get me you or anyone else anywhere. if it did we wouldn't be here still.

 

its all about forgetting that person and moving on. its for the best.

 

i get that you want to know you were important but sadly it seems perhaps you were a rebound. i dont know, either way even if you were important to her, she still isnt with you, it ended and it should be left there.

 

So true mate. Have to stop obsessing!

[barese1]

My life's an absolute ****ing mess. I have no real job. I'm with an amazing girl but won't get close because I want the ex. The ex is moved on happy with her new boyfriend. I'm just a joke. I have to go to a concert tomorrow with the new girl and pretend everything is ok. Then see the ex for the last time at a party on Saturday which will kill me. I wish I was dead, I can't believe how low I feel. I just want to cry and run away. What's wrong with me how did I grow to be such a weak and pathetic man. **** I was wrong when I said the other days were low points. I literally don't want to be on this planet.

[Dblock10]

My life's an absolute ****ing mess. I have no real job. I'm with an amazing girl but won't get close because I want the ex. The ex is moved on happy with her new boyfriend. I'm just a joke. I have to go to a concert tomorrow with the new girl and pretend everything is ok. Then see the ex for the last time at a party on Saturday which will kill me. I wish I was dead, I can't believe how low I feel. I just want to cry and run away. What's wrong with me how did I grow to be such a weak and pathetic man. **** I was wrong when I said the other days were low points. I literally don't want to be on this planet.

 

mate chill! think about what you do have not what you don't.

 

1) you have a gf

2) you have your health

3) your looks, new improved self after working out, continue this

4) your degree, meaning you have the opportunity that others would only dream of

 

these are just a few and thats coming from someone who doesn't even know much about you.

 

i think your over thinking it all. you need to come to a conclusion or take some form of action, seems like you never got or gave yourself closure, more, brushed it under the carpet.

[barese1]

mate chill! think about what you do have not what you don't.

 

1) you have a gf

2) you have your health

3) your looks, new improved self after working out, continue this

4) your degree, meaning you have the opportunity that others would only dream of

 

these are just a few and thats coming from someone who doesn't even know much about you.

 

i think your over thinking it all. you need to come to a conclusion or take some form of action, seems like you never got or gave yourself closure, more, brushed it under the carpet.

 

You're right mate. I do have things to be thankfull for. Just been a rough few days. All my emotions and worries about everything just mounted up. Plus knowing the ex's life continues to improve is hard. Think I've got myself back to a 'normal' level. I was worried I was really losing it, but it was just an overload of emotions.

 

So tonights our big party where I will see the ex for the last time ever. I realise I do miss her a lot, but really accepted its well over, has been for some time. I aim not really to speak to her, I wish she wasn't coming to be honest but I wanted all my uni friends here, knowing we won't see each other again really after this weekend.

 

Its going to be a hard evening. I will be at square one again tomorrow. But this time I am aware its over, will have no reason to contact her or vice versa, and have the tools to move on. I pray that I can do it this time. I thought I was there a few weeks ago.

 

Tomorrow I'm gonna be in pain I know it. I have to keep reminding myself that this is the start of my real healing. I've tried but I've also not comitted fully in all areas over the last few weeks. That changes.

[LostOne1]

You're right mate. I do have things to be thankfull for. Just been a rough few days. All my emotions and worries about everything just mounted up. Plus knowing the ex's life continues to improve is hard. Think I've got myself back to a 'normal' level. I was worried I was really losing it, but it was just an overload of emotions.

 

So tonights our big party where I will see the ex for the last time ever. I realise I do miss her a lot, but really accepted its well over, has been for some time. I aim not really to speak to her, I wish she wasn't coming to be honest but I wanted all my uni friends here, knowing we won't see each other again really after this weekend.

 

Its going to be a hard evening. I will be at square one again tomorrow. But this time I am aware its over, will have no reason to contact her or vice versa, and have the tools to move on. I pray that I can do it this time. I thought I was there a few weeks ago.

 

Tomorrow I'm gonna be in pain I know it. I have to keep reminding myself that this is the start of my real healing. I've tried but I've also not comitted fully in all areas over the last few weeks. That changes.

man right now other people would love to change spots with you...

 

You have a new gf, a new chance to make things better. Forget the ex man, there is a new girl willing to love you and give you a chance. Take the chance and make sure you do the best job you can do. Make something of yourself, find what gives you passion.

 

You have a new life man, this is what everyone wants after a break up. TO be able to have a new start and you have it all there. Just go with it and don't let your past bug you. Who knows maybe in a month you'll love the new life you have and appreciate it a lot more than your past.

[barese1]

man right now other people would love to change spots with you...

 

You have a new gf, a new chance to make things better. Forget the ex man, there is a new girl willing to love you and give you a chance. Take the chance and make sure you do the best job you can do. Make something of yourself, find what gives you passion.

 

You have a new life man, this is what everyone wants after a break up. TO be able to have a new start and you have it all there. Just go with it and don't let your past bug you. Who knows maybe in a month you'll love the new life you have and appreciate it a lot more than your past.

 

Hey dude, you're right. I have everything there for me and just need to be happy with what I have. This is a new chapter in my life, the old one is closed.

[barese1]

Had the party yesterday. The ex came but I literally just said two words to her I was busy with everyone else. I guess its for the best and now that's it. NC begins again tomorrow and although I have been sent back to square one, I feel a lot stronger about moving on now. I have accepted things as they are and now just have to live my new life

[LostOne1]

Had the party yesterday. The ex came but I literally just said two words to her I was busy with everyone else. I guess its for the best and now that's it. NC begins again tomorrow and although I have been sent back to square one, I feel a lot stronger about moving on now. I have accepted things as they are and now just have to live my new life

exactly.. just accepting that you have a new start now is what it's all about. Like said earlier, people here would do anything to have the new start you have right now.

 

Just this time learn from your mistakes you might have made previously and move on. A new chapter for you and this time you can make things work better and longer.

[barese1]

exactly.. just accepting that you have a new start now is what it's all about. Like said earlier, people here would do anything to have the new start you have right now.

 

Just this time learn from your mistakes you might have made previously and move on. A new chapter for you and this time you can make things work better and longer.

 

This is true, I'm trying my best to hold on to that fact. I guess it literally is day one for me again. I find myself missing the ex like crazy as I've seen her again, but I'm hoping in a week or two I won't anymore.

 

I have learned, I will not speak to the ex and try and move on with my life. Feel anxious about it but I know its what I have to do. We've been over 5 moths now I think, really thought I'd be over her by now

[barese1]

Feel low and anxious today, any words of encouargement from anyone?

[Dblock10]

hey man, so thats it, an end of another chapter!? start of a new one,..

 

your'll feel fine after a few weeks, are you going to keep her on fb, or cut and go cold turkey for good?

 

you just have to realise there is nothing there to be had with her... and your better off without.

 

end of the day she is just another human being and non can be trusted lol

[barese1]

hey man, so thats it, an end of another chapter!? start of a new one,..

 

your'll feel fine after a few weeks, are you going to keep her on fb, or cut and go cold turkey for good?

 

you just have to realise there is nothing there to be had with her... and your better off without.

 

end of the day she is just another human being and non can be trusted lol

 

Yeah I guess it is the start of a new chapter. Day 1 NC done. Can't believe I managed 3 months before. feel realy like the BU just happened again. I'll leave her on fb but never ever look. I know I need NC again, I'll have to see her mid december for graduation but I won't be in any communication with her the whole time.

 

True, there is nothing to be had with her. Doesn't stop me missing her. I do actually feel worse now than I have for a very long time. Not sure if it was the contact or lack of work, not looking after myself properly etc. I am going to have to push myself coz all I want to do right now is cry

[Dblock10]

Right so what will you do if she sends you a message? also what is the point of going nc when to ur'll see her mid December then start this all over again? Most likely a combo of those things got you feeling that way. One thing I do know is that you are not ready for anything with this new girl. Even if you say you are, your not based on everything you have said within these posts.

[barese1]

Right so what will you do if she sends you a message? also what is the point of going nc when to ur'll see her mid December then start this all over again? Most likely a combo of those things got you feeling that way. One thing I do know is that you are not ready for anything with this new girl. Even if you say you are, your not based on everything you have said within these posts.

 

She won't send me a message. When I said goodbye to her at our party she seemed really pleased to get away and it didn't even feel like we were friends, just strangers.

 

I have to see her mid december, I'm not choosing to see her. This doesn't meant that I'm going to call her and say hey hows life, what's the point. That's why its NC.

 

I'm really struggling recently. Mayeb its the realisation that she is properly living her life now, and I am just a speck of a memory. I know, I agree recently I don't think I'm ready for this new girl. I thought I was.

 

Truth is though, I have been happily single for many years. But right now the thought of the ex being with someone makes me want to be with someone too. I know how ridiculous that sounds. My life is a shambles at the minute and truthfully, the new girl is the only decent thing in it. Additionally it is more than likely I will get a job in another town, which she is aware of so it isn't getting too serious, another reason why I'd prefer to be with her than single right now.

[Dblock10]

time to stand on your own two feet man. its hardships that turn us into stronger people. you don't need this new girl, its you deluding yourself, and subconsciously wanting someone because the ex has someone to.

 

i agree with rebounds but not seeing someone when you are in this emotional turmoil. but what makes you happy is the best cause of action right now.

 

sorry it panned out this way with you and the ex. i know what you mean about being a memory. funny thing is my ex asked me how was life the other day., i think she still cares about me but its on a friendship level nothing more of course. i think im going to be civil but have no desire to become the gay best friend

[barese1]

I know I probably should be single but I do really like this girl. If I hadn't of met the ex I'd be really happy being with her, totally. I have nothing that gives me joy in my life really other than being with her so I just don't want to end it.

 

I thought knowing the ex was with soemone would help me accept things, and it has. But it also means I don't want to be single while she's with someone. Its not subconcious its right up in my conciousness. I can deal with her being with someone if I am. I know that's unhealthy but hell, I'm not exaectly a model of mental of physical health right now anyway.

 

Things were friendly with the ex. But she just doesn't care at all. Not even in a friendship level. I was nothing at all to her, at this still hurts. I can't beleive I'm still missing her.

[barese1]

So crazy, I can't believe that the only thing left on my mind is that I feel like I was no good in bed with her!

 

I don't even know if that's true or not, whether I'm just looking for reasons for why she ended it.

 

IT DOESN'T MATTER. None of this matetrs, why the hell is it still bothering me. I'm getting fed up with not being over her. We've been apart now as long as we were together.

 

Have to keep at it. Writing a PhD proposal today. Will go for a run later. Will see the new, amazing, caring girl who I DO have great sex with. Gotta get past this.

[Dblock10]

So crazy, I can't believe that the only thing left on my mind is that I feel like I was no good in bed with her!

 

I don't even know if that's true or not, whether I'm just looking for reasons for why she ended it.

 

IT DOESN'T MATTER. None of this matetrs, why the hell is it still bothering me. I'm getting fed up with not being over her. We've been apart now as long as we were together.

 

Have to keep at it. Writing a PhD proposal today. Will go for a run later. Will see the new, amazing, caring girl who I DO have great sex with. Gotta get past this.

 

i'll give you some advice, seems you have the same problem as me and keep going in circles.

 

best thing to do is to stay off LS. at least for a whole month. believe it or not, posting on here will keep feeding your mind.