Cheating??? or not???

[brunette4u]

Well this is a long one. Somebody please help. I'll try my best to explain the situation well.

 

So I met this guy 9 months ago, Joey. I had just recently broken up with a BF of 2 yrs. a month prior to me meeting him. Me and Joey got along amazingly. He was such an awesome person, almost like a best friend, but a best friend with sexual relations, also. Our relationship was primarily, in my eyes, based on sex. However, he fell very hard for me, fast, and made it very apparent. He is 25, I am 21. I never saw myself being with Joey in my future (i.e. marriage), but I wanted to have fun, which I did, and I loved spending time with him. I saw no reason to discontinue our "relationship", simply because I wasn't seeing anyone else and it felt so good to have him in my life at the time. I did tell him that I loved him, that I cared about him, etc. I did have these feelings of love, but not in the same way that he did for me, and it was obvious from the start.

 

So here's the story. 6 months into our relationship, I met this guy "John" while out with some friends at a bar in a town close by. We danced all night together, nothing happened...he got my phone #, and that was it. I was exremely attracted to John, he was totally my type of guy (NOT JOEY), and seemed very respectful and very interested. So...john called me continously throughout me and Joey's relationship, unknowingly to Joey. I talked to John on the phone when Joey and I weren't around eachother, and I never told john that I had a boyfriend. Well, about 3 months after that, me and joey got in a huge fight, and i ended up seeing John out that night, and we kissed. Nothing big, but we did kiss. I was extremely intoxicated and being obviously very immature with my feelings. So...some of joey's friends saw this happen, told him, and the truth came out, eventually. Joey and John talked b/c they saw eachother out...and john figured out i had a boyfriend, and they ended up talking about me and everything I had every talked to john about. Joey was furious with me, rightfully so, and John was too, b/c I did not inform him of my boyfriend.

 

So...Joey eventually forgave me, but talked about it every day...how I broke his heart, cheated on him, lied to him, etc. Also, Joey is VERY jealous person...and John is a VERY good looking guy, so I know this made it worse.

 

Ok, so the point of my story, me and Joey broke up several weeks ago. We still talked, but it was a bad breakup, horrible to say the least. He has said some very very hateful things to me. And then, this past weekend, I met up with John and his friends, and then Joey and all of his friends show up at the same place. Joey saw us together and got livid with me, cursing at me in front of John, calling me a liar and a slut...to say the least. John knows, from me telling him, that I think joey is pretty much psycho...so he was really chill about the whole situation, and we left the bar. All of Joey's friends hate me now b/c they dont know they whole story.

 

Joey is the most jealous, obsessive, possessive person I have ever met. He would check my phone, check my messages, go through my things at My apartment if I wasn't home, check my email, things like that. He is so insecure with himself and his surroundings and I think I made him feel secure. I knew that I needed him out of my life, I just didn't know what it was going to take. And John seemed like the perfect opportunity. He has been persistent in calling for almost 7 months now, and is a gentleman at heart.

 

Joey has written me several emails basically telling me that I am the most horrible person he's ever met, that I am fake, a liar, a cheater...really hateful things, and I want to know what other people think.

 

I promise I am really a "normal" person. I never meant to hurt joey, but I knew from the start that I did not see him in my future...and I guess that's why all this stuff happened.

 

Am I wrong for what I have done? Is it wrong to "cheat" on someone if you dont see yourself with them in the future? Is kissing someone REALLY that bad, esp. if it was while intoxicated? Will someone tell me what they think about the situation? Thanks so much.

[supermom]

Am I wrong for what I have done? Is it wrong to "cheat" on someone if you dont see yourself with them in the future? Is kissing someone REALLY that bad, esp. if it was while intoxicated? Will someone tell me what they think about the situation? Thanks so much.

 

Unfortunately, cheating is cheating and cheating is wrong. Even if you don't see yourself spending a future together, that person still hurts, still has feelings...

 

almost like a best friend, but a best friend with sexual relations, also. Our relationship was primarily, in my eyes, based on sex. However, he fell very hard for me, fast, and made it very apparent.

 

You knew he was really into you. Even if you were not. Didn't you know he'd be hurt?

 

Hopefully the lesson you learn is that you cannot play with people and their emotions, even if yours are not there.

[tanbark813]

Am I wrong for what I have done?

 

Yes.

 

Is it wrong to "cheat" on someone if you dont see yourself with them in the future?

 

Yes. It's never okay to cheat on someone. Would it have been okay for Joey to cheat on you?

 

Is kissing someone REALLY that bad, esp. if it was while intoxicated?

 

Yes. The fact the you were intoxicated doesn't make a difference. Drinking doesn't create new feelings, it simply reduces or removes your inhibitions.

 

Joey, of course, shouldn't have been going through your things, but I'm not at all surprised he was mad at you. He also shouldn't have been calling you names when you ran into him at the bar, but any self-respecting guy would have been pissed at you in that situation.

 

If you're going to continue to cheat on people, don't be surprised when they yell at you once they find out.

[Unlucky In Love]

I don't think that you did anything wrong. All you did was talk to John as a friend while you were dating Joey. It's not as if you planned to hook up with him while you were dating Joey. People in relationships are allowed to have friends. It's a free country after all.

 

When you did kiss John in the bar, you and Joey were already having problems not even related to John. So what? John was there. You were drunk, it's no big deal. You guys didn't even sleep together.

 

I think that what happened here was perfectly normal and very typical of most relationships. You and Joey had to end eventually. It was up to you both to decide when that time would be.

 

I think you should move on with your life with no regrets and ask Joey to stop contacting you and sending you harassing emails. Maybe it's time for you and John to get together.

 

Good Luck!!!

[XYZ]

You are questioning whether you cheated or not by just "kissing" The answer is hell YES!!! What do you think? If you were my girlfriend, I would make this life hell for you and everybody around you. If you were respectful enought to tell that you had feelings for someone else beforehand, then it is a different story... Don't judge your ex for what he is doing...

[canadaguy2134]

Originally posted by meaganu

I talked to John on the phone when Joey and I weren't around eachother, and I never told john that I had a boyfriend. Well, about 3 months after that, me and joey got in a huge fight, and i ended up seeing John out that night, and we kissed. Nothing big, but we did kiss. I was extremely intoxicated and being obviously very immature with my feelings. So...some of joey's friends saw this happen, told him, and the truth came out, eventually. Joey and John talked b/c they saw eachother out...and john figured out i had a boyfriend, and they ended up talking about me and everything I had every talked to john about. Joey was furious with me, rightfully so, and John was too, b/c I did not inform him of my boyfriend.

 

Joey is the most jealous, obsessive, possessive person I have ever met. He would check my phone, check my messages, go through my things at My apartment if I wasn't home, check my email, things like that. He is so insecure with himself and his surroundings and I think I made him feel secure. I knew that I needed him out of my life, I just didn't know what it was going to take. And John seemed like the perfect opportunity. He has been persistent in calling for almost 7 months now, and is a gentleman at heart.

 

Wow

 

From the above two paragraphs stated in the same post you have some obvious self-centrement issues.

 

1- You were with Joey and he committed to you and you told him you loved him

2- You didnt tell John about Joey at all after talking him on the phone for three months regularly

3- Joey was lucky enough to find out what was going on and confronted you about it and demanded the truth

4- You didnt think anything was wrong

 

which leads to Joey

 

1- Having a serious lack of trust for you and just thinking about his past experience with you and John making him feel insecure whenever you were not around

2- Checking the email, phone messages etc. to try to give him some peace of mind

3- Feeling like one angry and vindicated mo-fo when the two of you have a fight and he shows up and finds you out with John

4- Calling you all sorts of terrible names because he thinks you are a scum of the earth ho who has been screwing around on him behind his back with John the whole time

 

YOU SHOULD HAVE

 

1- Told Joey to back off and slow down and been real with him about the disconnect in your relationship

2- Dumped him the moment you felt the urge to go back to John when you had a fight

 

JOEY SHOULD HAVE

 

1- Dumped you when he realized he didnt feel like he could trust you {Edited}

2- Gotten a posse of his buddies together and confronted John. Maybe then you would feel a little responsibility for your actions.