Would you dump your fiancee for $50,000?

[NXS]

Hi Everyone,

 

Thanks for all the advice and sharing of stories. I told my fiancee I could not marry this December. I explained I was concerned about many things, including going into serious debt for a wedding/honeymoon and that in my gut, i felt overwhelmed by proceeding with a wedding. She was heartbroken, but we are still talking. The fact is, i do love her and want her to be happy, even if that is eventually not with me. We considered our options. I suggested she come to Canada as a caregiver student, but our gov't would probably reject her application (lack of capital, income, ties to PH). They denied her on a tourist visa earlier this year. so now the plan is, she will attend caregiver training school in PH (I am paying). A family will sponsor her as a live-in caregiver under canada's live-in caregiver program. Once she does 2 years as a live-in, she can apply for permanent residence. We can get to know each other, in person, in canada and she is free to stay with me or choose someone else and still have a shot at the "beautiful life" in Canada. I am not on the hook for sponsorship or marriage.

 

I must admit a part of me is sad. I so wish i had the confidence in us and money to bring her here as my wife now. But, I know the best way for us to know each other is the weekly date thing, as I have with past gf. the big disadvantage with this option, I will not be party to her "firsts" (first movie, first time to certain tourist attractions, etc). Oh well, its probably best. If she decides she can do better, its better it before marriage. If we are meant to be together, then we will spend time together and our path will naturally move this way. Its hard to wait on a possibility. Its 6 months to train, she has to get a family to sponsor her and then its 15 months for a visa, minimum. Meanwhile, we are both getting older...

 

i guess i feel a certain innocence and chemistry has changed. they say romantic love lasts about 2 years and its 1 1/2 years, so right on schedule, eh A part of me is also concerned she will "trade up" once she arrives.I miss her.

 

thanks to everyone for sharing their concerns/suggestions. In the end, i think i did the right thing by calling off the wedding, even it lengthens the process. i hope i can help bring her here.

 

Here's a question - what should i do if she drops the school? its quite far to her home and she is concerned about getting home safely at night. (i recall waiting for a trike at night - her concern is justified). do i go ahead and gamble, marry OR walk away...I really want to help her to her future. I find it hard to walk away. I also still very much love her, even if I have doubts as to whether we will survive long-term.

 

Thoughts?

 

thanks

 

It looks like you are doing all the heavy lifting to make this work, and not really getting much from her end. I think you should drop this woman, if she isn't motivated much now then she's not going to be in the future when you take care of everything. Already she's talking about dropping out of the course, or at least that's the impression you're getting. Seriously, cut your losses and move on. Also stop sending her money, that's ridiculous.

 

There are plenty of Filippino women who have careers that they could readily use in your country, like medical professionals.

 

Btw I'm heading over there myself in a month for my second time. Just visiting friends who moved there and doing some travelling around. To be honest I don't understand how you spent 25K on just two visits, the last time I was there for a month and spent around €2,500 plus airline tickets. That included going out almost every night and flights to some of the other islands. I don't understand how you managed to go through that much as everything is so cheap there.