Feeling guilty over every thought

[vanes12]

I feel guilty over every single thought, action, idea... I'm so scared and every bad thought I think of I feel guilt for. For example, I think about if I ever hurt someone that I love and care about physically? Not that I'd ever do it but the thought of it makes me feel guilty. Then its like my mind plays tricks on me and I start thinking that maybe since I thought of the idea then that must mean I would (but not it can't be that way...). Any sort of bad thought just haunts me and makes me feel really bad and I can't seem to move on with my day. It makes me feel so lonely and hurt.

For example, I love cats and then I think "oh what if I had one and then hurt it physically". I just think of the idea and possibility but then I start feeling bad and thinking that maybe Im crazy and I just end up feeling so guilty. I love cats but everyone who is capable of anything for as long as they live, not that they would do it. But the possibility of doing it makes me feel so guilty and the fact that the idea went through my mind.

My comfort used to always be my Mom. I'd call her and tell her about how bad I felt and such but now I can't do it because Im scared of thinking bad thoughts of her or of ever hurting her physically. Like when I was younger, we would have arguments and I would want her to die or myself to die and of course I would never want her to die but I dwell on the words I used back then and my mind goes in circles thinking "what if I did want that? or what if I do want it now?". I love her more than words can explain and more than the air I breathe, but the thought and idea makes me feel so guilty.

My previous problem was thinking I need to be honest with everyone about what I think of them and now Its this...it just keeps getting worse.

I'm in college and it's finals week and this just doesn't let me study sorry this was so long...I'm 18 and life just shouldnt be this way...

[betterdeal]

Don't be hard on yourself. You know the difference between right and wrong, and that's what matters. You haven't done anything mean or nasty. I don't know why you're having these thoughts, but it would be a good idea to discuss it with someone; perhaps a counsellor at school or college? It might be the pressure of finals and studying is making you anxious and that's making you think up angry thoughts.

 

Talk to someone. Samaritans may be a good idea if you cannot find the counsellor at school.

 

It's going to be okay.

[JWalsh]

I would recommend trying to flush out your mind, you basically want to replace those thoughts with good ones. I suggest you fill your mind with good knowledge, healthy knowledge. Go to your local gym or what not. Take on meditation, yoga, you need to relax. This kind of sounds like anxiety attacks. Don't blame yourself about anything, positive thinking is the key.

 

It will be hard to flush out those negative thoughts but it could be done. Just work at it. When a Negative thought comes into your mind, stop it, take a deep breath, and replace it with positive thinking.

 

Hope this helps,

Jeremy

[vk2goh]

I deal with this as well, however I know at the end of the day, I can't control everything that I'm involved in. Things that I don't like will happen, whether I choose to accept or ignore it.

 

Always take comfort in those you trust and can be open with. They'll be there no matter what your thinking

[Peaceman]

I joined this site tonight simply to offer help to you vanes12. I don't know if you're male or female, but for simplicity's sake, I'm going to assume male! Anyways, I hope you have found help. I read your post tonight after searching google because I was feeling EXACTLY the same way as you, having terrible thoughts etc. You described perfectly how I felt. After further searching/reading tonight I learned quite a few more things and I feel so much better. There is a book out there called The Imp Mind... look for it on amazon. I think this will help tremendously.

 

I have learned tonight that what you and I are dealing with is normal. Please check out the book man. I hope you're doing alright. I've been really down the last few days especially but after the research I did tonight and the relief I've felt I had to join this site to let you know and hope to help someone like yourself. You're NOT alone my friend. It's going to be okay.

 

Also, you might what to look up intrusive thoughts. Look it up on wikipedia. This alone will help.

 

I wish you the absolute best.

[whichwayisup]

Google cognitive behaviour therapy. It's a very helpful form of therapy.. even reading about it, buying some books can help you.

 

Having so much guilt, so many negative thoughts and worries is not good for you, it'll depress you, make you feel anxious and avoid situations that cause you to worry more/feel strife.