Dealing with a Drunken Dad

[Joe23]

How do you get a person to realize they have a drinking problem if they do not believe that they do have a drinking problem? My dad has always been one to drink, so it’s nothing new, but it has never gotten to be as bad as it is now and I know it has to do with when his dad died back in 2001.

 

The weekend before my grandpa died, my dad had planned to go over and see him… but he didn’t. Instead he just stayed home and sat around the house, and one week later his dad had passed away. After that, my dad has taken up drinking very heavily, he refuses to admit it and refuses to admit that his dad’s death has anything to do with it, but it all ties in together as it wasn’t a problem up until after his dad’s death.

 

My dad is a constant drinker, he comes home up to two hours early from work just so he can start drinking and get drunk. He drinks all weekend long. My dad is great guy when he’s sober, he will do anything for anyone if you ask him to. But when he gets drunk, he goes into a rage about small simple things.

 

My dad has a habit of playing his music loud, and I mean very loud. My parent’s bedroom sits right next to the garage – which is where my dad blares his music with the garage doors open. As the evening goes on, the music gets louder and louder. My mom has to babysit a few days of the week, so it requires her to get up early. It will be 11:00 at night and my dad will still be drinking with the music still louder than ever.

 

My mom handles it pretty good, up until around 10:30 or 11 she doesn’t say anything except for when she goes to bed. She will politely ask him to turn the music down, and then he goes into a rage calling her the “biggest b**ch in the world” and brags about how he tells all his friends at work how big of a b**ch she is and how she won’t let him do anything he wants to do.

 

How she won’t let him do anything, HA! This is a man who buys anything he wants, has all the money in the world to go wherever and whenever, but yet claims he can’t do anything. I don’t consider being asked to turn the music off at 11:00 at night is being told you can’t do anything.

 

But he continues to go into a rage with her, they get into a yelling match and he’s just flat out an ass to her. Once he’s done drinking for the night, he comes in and sits in the living room till 1-2 AM watching porn, looking out the window with binoculars at whatever (I still haven’t figured that one out) and if you do simple task such as walk to the bathroom or go to the kitchen, this sets him off and he goes on about how she just needs to get a life, how she’s such a b***h, and literally just goes off on her and degrading her. All for no reason!

 

I can vouch for that, he’s done the same to me and in fact I’ve been called the “most f**ked up person ever” and the “biggest idiot” just simply because I’ve walked to the kitchen to get water or something.

 

He sobers up the next day and it’s like it never happened, I do not honestly think he knows the rage that he goes into when he gets drunk. He doesn’t become violent, he just yells and is a complete ass to the point I’ve damn near wanted to punch him.

 

But when he’s sober, like I said he’s the greatest guy and very nice. My mom has tried setting him down to talk about it, but he just continuously claims he has no drinking problem and how she should just let him do what he enjoys.

 

My mom is talking about leaving him, but I honestly doubt that’ll happen, but I also don’t think that leaving him is really needed. How do you deal with a level-headed person like my dad who insists there is nothing wrong? How do you make him see how he acts when drunk?

 

There was a period of time after he had surgery that he didn’t drink, he sobered up for quite a while and never did my parents fight, argue or nothing. They got along great. Then he started drinking again and now it’s constant fighting at night.

 

This is more for my mom, I can ignore him blow him off and just say “whatever” and laugh at him for making an ass of himself, but my mom just takes it very personal – which I can understand as he degrades her in every aspect you can think of calling her names.

[Moose]

Boy do I know what you're going through. Except it was my step dad and he was physically abusive. Do you have a cam corder? Hide it somewhere and tape him. Then when he's sober, show it to him. How old are you? My step dad didn't stop drinking until the doctor told him that if he didn't he'd kill himself.

 

His denial is the first sign that he's indeed an alcoholic. There are support groups for your Mom, alanon is a good one. If he sees her going to get help, maybe he'll wake up and smell the coffee. It's not fun growing up in a house of an alcoholic, I know. But, hopefully he'll come around and make up for what he's done in the past.

 

Good luck

Moose

[Varacha]

Most people who drink like that are very depressed and try and take the pain away. He insults you and your mom to make himself feel better. I'm not sure where exactly you are so I don't know what type of links to give to you to find some free counseling on how to cope in that situation and how to deal with him. However find a Local AA meeting and I'm sure anyone there will help you get in touch with the right people.

 

I wish you the best of luck