How to get over husbands bachelor party that occured 10 months ago?

[standtall]

Answer me this....how exactly does one get a lap dance if touching never happens?....

 

They hover over you and you have to sit on your hands. Now, there are no absolutes in anything with human behavior, but if your a typical male, the only prostitute that you have ever seen is on the street corner.

[chrissylee]

They hover over you and you have to sit on your hands. Now, there are no absolutes in anything with human behavior, but if your a typical male, the only prostitute that you have ever seen is on the street corner.

 

Yeah.... well I'm still going to go ahead and say that is unacceptable behavior for a man in a committed relationship. I'm sorry but I should be the only naked chick "hovering" over and near my SO.

[standtall]

 

 

It is a shame if it has to come down to a mommy-child relationship where one is ordering and the other rebelling. Hopefully, when people marry, they are mature enough to listen to each other's feelings, and find compromise on issues like this.

 

If you do what you want, regardless of your wife's feelings, she'll often turn cold toward you in time.

 

Wow..I think I know who wears the pants at your end of town. What you call mommy-child, I call male-female or alpha-beta..every relationship is unique, but someones has to take the 51%..in most relationships it is the male not matter how unisex some people want the world to be....there is gender. IMHO, this is what the OP's situation boils down to.

 

I happen to agree with the 2nd statement and I am not advocating the OP's husbands behavior, I am just pointing out a male perspective and avoiding the "you go girl and divorce his lying a** bandwagon."

[xxoo]

Wow..I think I know who wears the pants at your end of town. What you call mommy-child, I call male-female or alpha-beta..every relationship is unique, but someones has to take the 51%..in most relationships it is the male not matter how unisex some people want the world to be....there is gender. IMHO, this is what the OP's situation boils down to.

 

I've got no response for this, other than I fundamentally disagree, and don't see how it is helpful for a woman whose husband thinks it is ok to let strippers sit on him.

[alexandria35]

Standtall throughout the first part of this thread you spoke as someone who had some sort of personal knowledge or insight into the profession that nobody else has. I also thought you were taking it way too personally and was beginning to wonder if perhaps you were a stripper yourself and thats why you felt like you had to argue agains the the very notion that any sexual acts would occur during a bachelor party (sorry I didn't realize until your last few posts that you are a male).

 

Now it turns out that your only knowledge is based on the fact that you yourself have never seen it at your own bachelor party or the few others you have attended. Did your friends also get circus acts for their bachelor parties? I had a platonic male friend show me a video tape of a bachelor party he attended for his friend and I can assure you that touching occured. The groom to be was drunk, tied to a chair and one of the dancers was giving him oral while another dancer stood behind him and rubbed her boobs all over his face. And his buddies were laughing and cheering on the action. I don't know if these were strippers or prostitutes or both, I just know that it was a bachelor party and sexual touching was going on. It may well be that a stripper who doesn't engage in acts of protitution would never agree to sexual touching but please stop trying to make us believe that sex and sexual touching could NEVER happen at bachelor parties. You're insulting our intelligence.

 

And a true alphamale would never engage in an activity for the sole purpose of spiting his wife. Thast not the behavior of a strong assertive man, it's the behaviour of a spoiled petulant child.

 

I'm not saying that the OP should run right out and get a divorce. I do think she should be a little concerned that her husband is dismissing her feelings on the matter. To me this is more of a problem than the bachelor party. He shouldn't be treating her likes she's crazy because she doesn't like the idea of a nude women squatting over her husbands face. She won't be able to get past it until he acknowleges her feelings and helps her resolve them in a kind and supportive way.

[William]

Minor cleanup. I'll invite members to focus on the thread starter and the topic forwarded for discussion.

[2sunny]

I can go by what men I've known have told me - and by what some posters here over the years have confirmed (strippers by trade)... There CAN be full on sex with women in this "job" IF you're willing to "offer" enough money. For most situations - just depends upon how much is offered= how much "touching" a man receives.

[xxoo]

The groom to be was drunk, tied to a chair and one of the dancers was giving him oral while another dancer stood behind him and rubbed her boobs all over his face.

 

I've heard almost exactly the same, except the strippers rubbed their genitals against the drunken groom while he was tied to a chair

 

My H witnessed that one, horrified, and told me alllll about it. That was the last time he attended a bachelor party. He didn't want to go to that one, but was asked to go as the d.d. So he was sober and grossed out!

 

So, yeah, it happens! I'm sure many dancers would NEVER cross that line, but others will, and have.

[standtall]

Standtall throughout the first part of this thread you spoke as someone who had some sort of personal knowledge or insight into the profession that nobody else has. I also thought you were taking it way too personally and was beginning to wonder if perhaps you were a stripper yourself and thats why you felt like you had to argue agains the the very notion that any sexual acts would occur during a bachelor party (sorry I didn't realize until your last few posts that you are a male).

 

Now it turns out that your only knowledge is based on the fact that you yourself have never seen it at your own bachelor party or the few others you have attended. Did your friends also get circus acts for their bachelor parties? I had a platonic male friend show me a video tape of a bachelor party he attended for his friend and I can assure you that touching occured. The groom to be was drunk, tied to a chair and one of the dancers was giving him oral while another dancer stood behind him and rubbed her boobs all over his face. And his buddies were laughing and cheering on the action. I don't know if these were strippers or prostitutes or both, I just know that it was a bachelor party and sexual touching was going on. It may well be that a stripper who doesn't engage in acts of protitution would never agree to sexual touching but please stop trying to make us believe that sex and sexual touching could NEVER happen at bachelor parties. You're insulting our intelligence.

 

And a true alphamale would never engage in an activity for the sole purpose of spiting his wife. Thast not the behavior of a strong the assertive man, it's the behaviour of a spoiled petulant child.

 

I'm not saying that the OP should run right out and get a divorce. I do think she should be a little concerned that her husband is dismissing her feelings on the matter. To me this is more of a problem than the bachelor party. He shouldn't be treating her likes she's crazy because she doesn't like the idea of a nude women squatting over her husbands face. She won't be able to get past it until he acknowleges her feelings and helps her resolve them in a kind and supportive way.

 

Well alex, a couple of things. I agree with your last paragraph, which was very nice and well written, but that is about it.

 

1. I am not justifying how he is dismissing his wife's feelings. I am just explaining the way some men deal with the challenge from their future wives over their bachelor parties. Most men at that age are still immature and establishing a norm in their relationship with their wives...ie who is in charge. Don't kill the messenger for the message.

 

2. I did not take it personal until that one poster made it personal. I was merely reflecting upon my own past experiences about bachelor parties to dispel some of the misconceptions about these parties. The posters that I responded too had absolutely no experience or point of reference.

 

3. I don't know what tape you saw, but most bachelor parties do not involve public sex. Most men do not pull out their boners in front of their buddies..even if a woman is going to suck it. Particularly if they paid for it...it would be embarrassing....beneath them to have to pay for sex. Most bachelor parties...at least the ones I have been too, are not something out of girls gone wild. Also, one of the things with these shows is that there is no videotaping or photography allowed...

 

4. In this thread, most of the posters were women with just assumptions about bachelor parties, and they were giving their well thought out advice.... that there was a major cheating crises occurring..I happened to disagree. If we all had the same opinion, then this wouldn't be much of a help forum.

[chrissylee]

Well alex, a couple of things. I agree with your last paragraph, which was very nice and well written, but that is about it.

 

1. I am not justifying how he is dismissing his wife's feelings. I am just explaining the way some men deal with the challenge from their future wives over their bachelor parties. Most men at that age are still immature and establishing a norm in their relationship with their wives...ie who is in charge. Don't kill the messenger for the message.

 

4. In this thread, most of the posters were women with just assumptions about bachelor parties, and they were giving their well thought out advice.... that there was a major cheating crises occurring..I happened to disagree. If we all had the same opinion, then this wouldn't be much of a help forum.

 

It seems to be very immature for a man to run out and have strippers at a bachelor party just because his future wife disapproves of them. If a guys is planning to marry a girl, he should love her enough to not want to cause her the pain of disrespecting her wishes on the bachelor party/stripper thing. In my opinon a soon to be married man has no place around strippers anyways.

 

So... just so I understabnd you... you are saying it is a "norm" for a man to disrespect his wife's feelings and do the opposite just to show he is the "boss".....

[2sunny]

Well alex, a couple of things. I agree with your last paragraph, which was very nice and well written, but that is about it.

 

1. I am not justifying how he is dismissing his wife's feelings. I am just explaining the way some men deal with the challenge from their future wives over their bachelor parties. Most men at that age are still immature and establishing a norm in their relationship with their wives...ie who is in charge. Don't kill the messenger for the message.

 

2. I did not take it personal until that one poster made it personal. I was merely reflecting upon my own past experiences about bachelor parties to dispel some of the misconceptions about these parties. The posters that I responded too had absolutely no experience or point of reference.

 

3. I don't know what tape you saw, but most bachelor parties do not involve public sex. Most men do not pull out their boners in front of their buddies..even if a woman is going to suck it. Particularly if they paid for it...it would be embarrassing....beneath them to have to pay for sex. Most bachelor parties...at least the ones I have been too, are not something out of girls gone wild. Also, one of the things with these shows is that there is no videotaping or photography allowed...

 

4. In this thread, most of the posters were women with just assumptions about bachelor parties, and they were giving their well thought out advice.... that there was a major cheating crises occurring..I happened to disagree. If we all had the same opinion, then this wouldn't be much of a help forum.

 

 

You are really minimizing bachelor parties and what happens when a stripper shows up.

 

I have had info from MANY men about what goes on - and it's not usually limited to "a gal just taking her clothes off!"

 

The "decent men I know" and trust plan a day of fishing and/ or golf locally - something that isn't even an event that makes the stbW furious.

 

Just that any man would participate in something that MIGHT make her upset isn't the healthiest way to start a marriage!

 

Can you think that gals getting together to watch men stroke themselves and/or rub up against a woman getting married would make the stbH happy to start the marriage that way? I doubt it!

[alexandria35]

I don't know what tape you saw, but most bachelor parties do not involve public sex. Most men do not pull out their boners in front of their buddies..even if a woman is going to suck it. Particularly if they paid for it...it would be embarrassing....beneath them to have to pay for sex. Most bachelor parties...at least the ones I have been too, are not something out of girls gone wild. Also, one of the things with these shows is that there is no videotaping or photography allowed...

 

What in the world are you talking about? They guy in the video I saw didn't pull his boner out, the dancer did this for him, he was tied to a chair. Secondly he wasn't embarassed because he had to pay for sex. First of all he didn't pay for it, his buddies did and obviously his buddies knew he didn't have to pay for sex. I'm pretty sure they were aware that he was getting lots of sex from his finace.

 

"one of things with these shows is that there is no videotaping or photography allowed"

 

Do you not understand that a lot of the time it is actually prostitutes at the party and not strippers? It sounds like the bachelor parties you have attended were very tame and the girls were hired from a respectable entertainment agency where the rules were clearly laid out and perhaps the girls were even chaperoned. That's very nice. Sounds like you have decent friends who don't cross the line. However, just because you haven't seen this kind of party personally doesn't mean they don't exist. I've never seen a lot of things. I've never seen a robbery or a murder or a shooting star for that matter. If the entertainment at these parties is being provided by prostitutes or strippers who prostitute on the side then the rules are whatever they make them. If they are not working for a respectable agency and they are okay with being videotaped then it's okay. I could videotape someone in a sex act right this minute and post it on the internet for the entire world to see and it would be entirely legal provided I had the consent of my subject. I don't know why you keep insisting that this doesn't happen when every single person here knows very well that sex can and does often occur at bachelor parties. It's ridiculous how attached you are to your argument. Are you going to try convince us that the earth is flat too? And there was a male poster here who was in total agreement with us dumb women but unfortunately his posts were removed.

[2sunny]

Most men who engage in this type of party keep it limited to the men on the scene - hence the reason why men here aren't chiming in?

[KungFuJoe]

I've thrown a couple bachelor parties and attended a few. I also have lots of info on bachelorette parties from friends and a very reliable source, my wife. All I have to say is...ANYTHING goes. Well...maybe not anything like those "group parties" they do in those pornos, because i haven't seen or heard of them personally, but I honestly wouldn't be surprised if that were true as well.

 

Guys/girls...if you are the jealous type you better have a good long talk with your partner before sending them off to a bachelor/bachelorette party and lay down some ground rules.

 

But just at the last bachelor party I was at, the groom was made to wear a strap on and he got to f*ck one stripper while groping two others. You think a naked chick sitting on your chest is bad? I had to wash my face after a "session" with one stripper (which I literally did right after). I had a stripper offer me a hand job for 10 bucks extra (on top of a 40 dollar lap dance that was being performed in a private bedroom). I respectfully declined. These 40 dollar lap dances are given fully nude and you can place your hands and fingers anywhere...and I mean ANYWHERE (not that I've done it myself because penetration of any kind is a line I don't cross). For the women, the male strippers whip out their d*cks and let the women grope them. They will place their genitals on their faces and other body parts. They will make the bachelorette lick whipped cream off their body parts. One friend of ours even had sex in a bedroom with one stripper while the bachelorette party was still going on.

 

It's really all about knowing your limits and making sure your partner understands the same. And also realizing that your limits might be different than others. For instance, I have a hard limit of no kissing strippers anywhere and no penetration with fingers or letting them touch my genitals. I've discussed this with my wife and she agrees. We've gone to strip clubs together and even shared a female stripper once. We are not jealous types and we trust each other.

 

BUT...if my wife had ever said to me that she doesn't like me touching strippers, PERIOD...I would have NO problem obliging. It's all about communication...and like they say...it's all fun and games until someone gets hurt. But if you communicate what you are good and not good with and you have a trusting, caring partner, then no one gets hurt.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

the strippers were actually completely naked,

 

 

 

Just when I thought I'd seen it all...

[SarahRose]

I've had been to several of these bachelor parties in my early 20's, and there is no touching by either party. It is in the rules set up by their the chaperones that accompany them. Otherwise, the women would be groped beyond description by a lot of men.

 

 

Again, how do you know? You don't, that is why, so you're calling upon this newlywed woman to put divorce on the table based upon some false assumptions by you...

 

this is true when i used to do these years ago.

 

i had my fun tricks like tassel twirling and picking up dollars with my bum sometimes a bit of comedy. the groom got a hug and kiss on the cheek. that was it.

 

i certainly didn't want a bunch of strange guys touching me bleeech:sick:

[xxoo]

1. I am not justifying how he is dismissing his wife's feelings. I am just explaining the way some men deal with the challenge from their future wives over their bachelor parties. Most men at that age are still immature and establishing a norm in their relationship with their wives...ie who is in charge. Don't kill the messenger for the message.

 

That's an excellent issue to explore in marriage counseling--how to reach compromise without power struggles.

 

The norms and patterns a new couple establishes are important, but this is not a good start!

[standtall]

A man doesn't and can't establish that he's "in charge", in his life, or in his marriage, if he's unwilling to take responsibility for what he does or what happens to him....even at bachelor parties.

 

I really think that's a huge point you've been missing in all of your comments in this thread.

 

I am not "missing" anything in regards to my opinion. If you do not think young couples establish norms, no matter what those norms may be, in the beginning part of their relationships, then I do not care. Also, I am not justifying anything that he did, I am just offering a different perspective as to why he might have done things the way he did to the other posters. You have your opinion, I have mine. I get it..you disagree, and you will not change mine.

 

 

 

Again, most of the posts here are from women who have not been to any bachelor parties. They have just heard from guy friends or fellow women. The cross section of posters on this forum are IMHO, not a true representation of a typical married man. Typical married men do not post to touchy, feely forums like this. I am basing my opinion on what I have experienced..can the female posters say that ..no.

[standtall]

What in the world are you talking about? They guy in the video I saw didn't pull his boner out, the dancer did this for him, he was tied to a chair. Secondly he wasn't embarassed because he had to pay for sex. First of all he didn't pay for it, his buddies did and obviously his buddies knew he didn't have to pay for sex. I'm pretty sure they were aware that he was getting lots of sex from his finace.

 

"one of things with these shows is that there is no videotaping or photography allowed"

 

Do you not understand that a lot of the time it is actually prostitutes at the party and not strippers? It sounds like the bachelor parties you have attended were very tame and the girls were hired from a respectable entertainment agency where the rules were clearly laid out and perhaps the girls were even chaperoned. That's very nice. Sounds like you have decent friends who don't cross the line. However, just because you haven't seen this kind of party personally doesn't mean they don't exist. I've never seen a lot of things. I've never seen a robbery or a murder or a shooting star for that matter. If the entertainment at these parties is being provided by prostitutes or strippers who prostitute on the side then the rules are whatever they make them. If they are not working for a respectable agency and they are okay with being videotaped then it's okay. I could videotape someone in a sex act right this minute and post it on the internet for the entire world to see and it would be entirely legal provided I had the consent of my subject. I don't know why you keep insisting that this doesn't happen when every single person here knows very well that sex can and does often occur at bachelor parties. It's ridiculous how attached you are to your argument. Are you going to try convince us that the earth is flat too? And there was a male poster here who was in total agreement with us dumb women but unfortunately his posts were removed.

 

 

Easy there Alex..this is just a forum.

 

I am basing my opinion on my experience in attendance at bachelor parties..You cannot say the same, nor can " every single person here knows" either, since they have never been to one. The key word that I said to you in my reply was "most" ..not all. I do not speak in absolutes about human behavior. I cannot help that you saw some hedonistic and criminal behavior of a "bachelor" party on a tape. I am giving interpretation of the original posters situation based on her post and my experience. I get it, you do not agree..i'm not trying to convince you that the earth is flat or whatever, and you will not convince me that whoring goes on at these bachelor parties. I am sticking to my "argument" as you call it, because I have been to several bachelor parties, and never saw what you claim every one here knows.

[chrissylee]

I am not "missing" anything in regards to my opinion. If you do not think young couples establish norms, no matter what those norms may be, in the beginning part of their relationships, then I do not care. Also, I am not justifying anything that he did, I am just offering a different perspective as to why he might have done things the way he did to the other posters. You have your opinion, I have mine. I get it..you disagree, and you will not change mine.

 

.

 

How does your reason for why he did what he did make it any better? I think it actually makes i tworse...

 

Ok honey because you don't want me to touch strippers, I am going to go out and have on sit on me and grope me just top show you I could care less about how you feel........:confused::confused: Makes no sense to me how this could be better.

[standtall]

 

 

 

 

That's the problem, you should base your opinion on what the OP says she experienced, and what her husband told her HE experienced, and you refuse to do that. That's not at all helpful to the OP, is it?

 

I just skimmed over the rest of that and got right down to the point..... you are telling me what my opinion should be.

 

Thanks but no thanks. Stick to your non sequitur post above. BTW, I don't think the OP really knows what went on either, and since she appears to have checked out of this thread, then so am I.

[standtall]

How does your reason for why he did what he did make it any better? I think it actually makes i tworse...

 

.

 

Good grief! I'm not saying it made it better. With your hate towards any type of adult entertainment and my past experiences, this discussion is pointless.

[xxoo]

Letting a stripper sit naked on one's chest, then claiming it was beyond one's control, is NOT "alpha." It's extremely "beta" behavior.

 

I don't know about alpha and beta, but it does make it very difficult to trust and respect a man when he avoids responsibility for his choices, especially if he blames his friend (friends he picked, and continues to hang out with!).

[CarboniteCammy]

Whoa that's gross- these chicks were getting paid to give oral sex to each other? What's the difference between that and prostitution? Sex for money is illegal outside of Nevada. :-P

 

OMG.

[chrissylee]

Good grief! I'm not saying it made it better. With your hate towards any type of adult entertainment and my past experiences, this discussion is pointless.

 

The point I am trying to make is this. Your past experience is in the minority. Most bachelor parties are not a 300lb chick. They are way different and someone should not have to quietly accept her future husband going to one.