How to get over husbands bachelor party that occured 10 months ago?

[xxoo]

Wow...So let me get this straight.... you're advocating divorce over the entertainment at a bachelor party?

 

If the "entertainment" involves contact with another woman's naked genitals--divorce doesn't sound unreasonable.

 

OP, I'd go to counseling together and really dig in. What was he thinking? How does he feel about it now? How does he feel about how his action have affected your trust? How does he feel about a friend's bachelor party in the future? His willingness to talk about it, and his answers to these questions, would determine if I would be able to stay married to him.

[chrissylee]

If the "entertainment" involves contact with another woman's naked genitals--divorce doesn't sound unreasonable.

 

OP, I'd go to counseling together and really dig in. What was he thinking? How does he feel about it now? How does he feel about how his action have affected your trust? How does he feel about a friend's bachelor party in the future? His willingness to talk about it, and his answers to these questions, would determine if I would be able to stay married to him.

 

I agree with this. I don't think divorce is inreasonable. However, I don't think the OP should do it without counseling first to see if her marraige is worth saving.

 

I just don't understand why guys think this type of behavior is ok just because its a bachelor party.

[standtall]

If the "entertainment" involves contact with another woman's naked genitals--divorce doesn't sound unreasonable.

 

Have you ever see or been to a bachelor party? I doubt it since you would know that no one is allowed to touch the dancers during their 'show', or in a sexual manner whatsoever. If you react that way to a guy being present during a bachelor party, and think that divorce is reasonable, then most normal guys would run away from that marriage to avoid being hen pecked, dominated, and living in the fear of having their masturbation privileges revoked at any given time for the rest of their lives.

[chrissylee]

Have you ever see or been to a bachelor party? I doubt it since you would know that no one is allowed to touch the dancers during their 'show', or in a sexual manner whatsoever. If you react that way to a guy being present during a bachelor party, and think that divorce is reasonable, then most normal guys would run away from that marriage to avoid being hen pecked, dominated, and living in the fear of having their masturbation privileges revoked at any given time for the rest of their lives.

 

There is a HUGE difference between masturbation and having two naked chicks grind on top of you and have sex on top of you. Even if the guys can't touch the dancers, the dancers can touch them. Only a clueless and naive person would believe that touching never happens. If being married means having to accept that for one night your SO will have other women grinding on him and rubbing their boobs in his face, then I will happily stay unmarried to my bf for the rest of my life....

[2sunny]

You thought you both had the same ideas and agreement regarding "not sharing".

 

Obviously you don't.

 

I'd suggest finding out what his idea is now - since it's not what you expected.

 

You either accept his idea or not.

 

I'd REALLY want to know for sure if any of those gals touched his private area- and I'd want to know if he touched theirs or IF any of their body fluids touched him!

 

Get tested now!!!

[xxoo]

Have you ever see or been to a bachelor party? I doubt it since you would know that no one is allowed to touch the dancers during their 'show', or in a sexual manner whatsoever. If you react that way to a guy being present during a bachelor party, and think that divorce is reasonable, then most normal guys would run away from that marriage to avoid being hen pecked, dominated, and living in the fear of having their masturbation privileges revoked at any given time for the rest of their lives.

 

The OP said she (the stripper) sat on his chest. That sounds like touch to me, but maybe she could clarify.

 

I married a man who chooses not to go to do the bachelor party thing--his choice.

[standtall]

TEven if the guys can't touch the dancers, the dancers can touch them. Only a clueless and naive person would believe that touching never happens. his face, then I will happily stay unmarried to my bf for the rest of my life....

 

I've had been to several of these bachelor parties in my early 20's, and there is no touching by either party. It is in the rules set up by their the chaperones that accompany them. Otherwise, the women would be groped beyond description by a lot of men.

 

 

Again, how do you know? You don't, that is why, so you're calling upon this newlywed woman to put divorce on the table based upon some false assumptions by you...

Edited June 15, 2012 by standtall

[xxoo]

I've had been to several of these bachelor parties in my early 20's, and there is no touching by either party. It is in the rules set up by their the chaperones that accompany them. Otherwise, the women would be groped beyond description by a lot of men.

 

 

Again, how do you know? You don't, that is why, so you're calling upon this newlywed woman to put divorce on the table based upon some false assumptions by you...

 

We know because the OP said she sat on his chest! Do you think he told her something that didn't happen?

 

Isn't the general rule with strippers that the men can't touch them, but they can touch the men? That's still touching, and is particularly heinous if it is the strippers genitals touching the man's body, as the OP seems to describe.

[standtall]

 

Isn't the general rule with strippers that the men can't touch them, but they can touch the men?

 

No, not at all. Ask anybody who owns a strip club, employs strippers, or has been to one. If there is touching by either party, it is agains't the law in most places as it turns into prostitution. There is a difference.

[chrissylee]

I've had been to several of these bachelor parties in my early 20's, and there is no touching by either party. It is in the rules set up by their the chaperones that accompany them. Otherwise, the women would be groped beyond description by a lot of men.

 

 

Again, how do you know? You don't, that is why, so you're calling upon this newlywed woman to put divorce on the table based upon some false assumptions by you...

 

 

 

Did you even read the OP's post. She said there WAS touching involved. A lap dance is called a lap dance because there is touching.... really how naice do you think women are to think that touching doesn't happen...

 

If she wants to stay with her jerk of a husband and try to work stuff out that is her choice. However, I think she deserves better then someone who will disrespect her like he did.

[chrissylee]

No, not at all. Ask anybody who owns a strip club, employs strippers, or has been to one. If there is touching by either party, it is agains't the law in most places as it turns into prostitution. There is a difference.

 

Again who are you trying to convince? Touching does happen at strip clubs all the time..... Why do you think so many women have a problem with it. It might not offically be "allowed" but how clueless do you think we are?

[xxoo]

No, not at all. Ask anybody who owns a strip club, employs strippers, or has been to one. If there is touching by either party, it is agains't the law in most places as it turns into prostitution. There is a difference.

 

I have asked, and touching does happen. This may vary by vicinity, but it absolutely happens in some places in the US, with the touch being from dancer to patron (although the bouncer will eject a man who touches her with his hands).

[2sunny]

What do you think any man is thinking/ doing while a nude gal sits on his chest?

 

Think about it! She got her crotch dripping on him and rubbing her boobs in his face to be licked and sucked! You don't think he's stiff and stroking himself? You don't think he's going to ask her to hop on for a little ride? I'm sure while drinking some/most horny men would say "I'm warmed up - help me out here - I need my release"!

 

She's there to make money - she makes more money for the more "services" she provides.

[standtall]

A bunch of posts, by a bunch of assuming women. Sorry, I have been there and done that, and have ever seen any "extras", dripping crotches, or whatever it is you're assuming.

 

2sunny..this is laughable.

 

Think about it! She got her crotch dripping on him and rubbing her boobs in his face to be licked and sucked! You don't think he's stiff and stroking himself?

 

First of all, do you think that these women are aroused? Also, do you think a man is jerking him self off in front of 50 of his friends? Get real. If you have never been there and seen one then how would you know? If your potential mates are actually engaging in the services of a prostitute, then you've got bigger problems than strippers at a bachelor party..I hate to tell all of you, there is a difference between strippers and prostitutes. You ladies are so clueless about bachelor parties and men you don't even know you're clueless.

Edited June 16, 2012 by standtall

[Tiberius]

You werent there. You dont know if it really happened. Maybe he knows what sets you off and is being a meanie pushing your buttons.

[chrissylee]

 

First of all, do you think that these women are aroused? Also, do you think a man is jerking him self off in front of 50 of his friends? Get real. If you have never been there and seen one then how would you know? If your potential mates are actually engaging in the services of a prostitute, then you've got bigger problems than strippers at a bachelor party..I hate to tell all of you, there is a difference between strippers and prostitutes. You ladies are so clueless about bachelor parties and men you don't even know you're clueless.

 

The strippers at this bachelor party were prostitutes. Who cares if they were aroused.....What he did was still disgusting, disrespectful, cheating, and she deserves better.

I disagree about there being a difference between strippers and prostitutes.... but that is a whole different topic that I don't feel like getting into.

[standtall]

The strippers at this bachelor party were prostitutes..

 

I'm sure the vast majority off the dancing "entertainers" would take offense to this.

 

 

Let's just agree to disagree on this one, along with whether or not what happened at the bachelor party was cheating or not due to you're lack of actual experience in regards to it. I'm giving this thread a rest.

[chrissylee]

I'm sure the vast majority off the dancing "entertainers" would take offense to this.

 

 

Let's just agree to disagree on this one, along with whether or not what happened at the bachelor party was cheating or not due to you're lack of actual experience in regards to it. I'm giving this thread a rest.

 

I could care less if "strippers" take offense to me calling them prostitues. I don't respect them and view them as low-life trash so their opinon mean nothing to me.

I may not have experience with bachelor parties.... but I read what the OP said. That is what I am basing my views of off. A man in a relationship has no business what so ever having a naked chick grind on top of him if it isn't his SO.

[alexandria35]

First of all, some strippers also engage in prostitution. Secondly when I was in my twenties I used to work in a bar and my ex used to work as a dj in the bar downstairs. The bar downstairs was a strip bar and male patrons touching the dancers was absolutely illegal and forbidden. LOL...and anyone who thinks those rules were adhered to is terribly naive. There were some small rooms for private lap dances and there were certainly some strippers engaging in sexual favors in those rooms and everyone who worked there knew it was going on. Oh there were lots of signs up all over the place stating that physical contact between the dancers and customers was strictly forbidden but that was only to give the appearance that the club was abiding by the law.

[standtall]

LOL...and anyone who thinks those rules were adhered to is terribly naive.

 

A lap dance is called a lap dance because there is touching.... really how naice do you think women are to think that touching doesn't happen...

 

Only a clueless and naive person would believe that touching never happens

 

The only people naive here are the women posters who claim to know what goes on with dancers, yet they have never been there, seen it, or done it. They just go by innuendo, heresay, and false assumptions, in a laughable attempt to win some argument to encourage a newlywed woman to dump her unworthy husband. The real reason for all of the assumptions is this incredibly biased statement.

 

I could care less if "strippers" take offense to me calling them prostitues. I don't respect them and view them as low-life trash so their opinon mean nothing to me

 

So, please take you hate and bullying offline, and man up and go back and give the OP your opinion without attacking those that disagree with you.

 

OP.... my advice to you..don't get your advice here.

[musemaj11]

Meh, totally something out of nothing.

[chrissylee]

The only people naive here are the women posters who claim to know what goes on with dancers, yet they have never been there, seen it, or done it. They just go by innuendo, heresay, and false assumptions, in a laughable attempt to win some argument to encourage a newlywed woman to dump her unworthy husband. The real reason for all of the assumptions is this incredibly biased statement.

 

So, please take you hate and bullying offline, and man up and go back and give the OP your opinion without attacking those that disagree with you.

 

OP.... my advice to you..don't get your advice here.

 

We have no false assumptions. OP said touching happened..... I'm not sure who you are trying to convince when you say touching never happens at a bachelor party? Do you REALLY think people are that clueless to think that?

I'm not bullying anyone. I said my opinon and just because you don't agree with it you want to call it bullying. Trust me I was being way nice when I said my opinon.

[standtall]

We have no false assumptions. OP said touching happened..... I'm not sure who you are trying to convince when you say touching never happens at a bachelor party? Do you REALLY think people are that clueless to think that?

I'm not bullying anyone. I said my opinon and just because you don't agree with it you want to call it bullying. Trust me I was being way nice when I said my opinon.

 

Yea, this was really nice.

 

I could care less if "strippers" take offense to me calling them prostitues. I don't respect them and view them as low-life trash so their opinon mean nothing to me

 

Please, do you really think..from you're extensive experience of attending bachelor parties....that you "know" what goes on?....get real. BTW, I don't think the original poster really knows what was going on there either, and she is just assuming as well. It sounds like the OP married someone that is going to play the male role in the relationship, and that if she goes head to head with him while his buddies are watching, then she will lose. IMHO, his friends watched how he dealt with the bachelor party as a litmus test to see who was going to wear the pants...he choose, and she has to deal with it.

[xxoo]

The only people naive here are the women posters who claim to know what goes on with dancers, yet they have never been there, seen it, or done it. They just go by innuendo, heresay, and false assumptions, in a laughable attempt to win some argument to encourage a newlywed woman to dump her unworthy husband. The real reason for all of the assumptions is this incredibly biased statement.

 

We are going by what the OP's husband told her happened. Why would he tell her that the stripper sat on his chest if she did not?

 

Also, while women don't attend these, many of us have had partners and male friends who share openly what happens at them. Others of us either worked the industry before, or have friends that have. I am friends with more than one woman who either danced in clubs or tended bar in strip clubs before kids. We aren't that naive!

 

if you order someone..ie the future husband..not to do something, then you can be rest assured that he will do exactly what it is you do not like.

 

It is a shame if it has to come down to a mommy-child relationship where one is ordering and the other rebelling. Hopefully, when people marry, they are mature enough to listen to each other's feelings, and find compromise on issues like this.

 

If you do what you want, regardless of your wife's feelings, she'll often turn cold toward you in time.

[chrissylee]

Please, do you really think..from you're extensive experience of attending bachelor parties....that you "know" what goes on?....get real. BTW, I don't think the original poster really knows what was going on there either, and she is just assuming as well. It sounds like the OP married someone that is going to play the male role in the relationship, and that if she goes head to head with him while his buddies are watching, then she will lose. IMHO, his friends watched how he dealt with the bachelor party as a litmus test to see who was going to wear the pants...he choose, and she has to deal with it.

 

I am going by what the OP said went on. I also have had friends who trusted their husbands/bf's to attend these parties, only to find out later what actually went on. Touching does happen at strip clubs/bachelor parties all the time. Answer me this....how exactly does one get a lap dance if touching never happens?....