peach_bellini Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 of your crap? I have been a lurker here for awhile now & it seems like anytime that a woman leaves their hubby, the guys on here automatically think they are cheating. I haven't left mine (as of yet) and I am not cheating but if he doesn't get his crap together & his priorities where they should be. I am done. The only thing I can say is that he is great with our daughter, other than that he isn't worth a damn for anything. He works, but doesn't pay the bills. He uses his money to fund his projects, dogs, and hunting trips. Very rarely can I get a dime out of him for anything. If I try to get some, he asks where my money is. Ummmm, excuse me... paying house bills & buying the food you eat. If I try to talk to him about something he just stubs up like a 6 yo that can't get their way and won't talk. In other words, what if I am just sick of his crap? All men's crap & if they all died today, I would throw a party. I swear to god that if I ever get unmarried, I will never do this again. You men aren't worth the bull we have to put up with. I wouldn't even let another spend the night in my house. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 W0W. Your choice to marry a loser, sorry about that. Casting all men in the same light is very telling about you. Good decision to remain single. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author peach_bellini Posted June 10, 2012 Author Share Posted June 10, 2012 From seeing all the responses from different guys on here, they are all the same. Let's not take any of the blame ourselves. I know I can be bitch, and I don't try to skirt that issue. You guys play it as if you had no part in things going wrong. Good try though. Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 Have you devoted even 60 seconds to self evaluation and why you lack personal boundaries? Sorry to read about your misery and litany of complaints but you allowed these abuses against yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
viktorious11 Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 I DEFINITELY fell into that category. Got married, took the thought of "unconditional love" to the extreme and sat on the couch, gained weight, gambled all day, and didn't pay a stitch of attention to my wife's needs. In fact, if she ever told me not to gamble or not to smoke that joint, she was being a nag and I would complain to all my friends. Now, she has already filed for divorce and moved on and I DEVASTATED. However, I do believe that I can MAKE CHANGES and I basically took 100% responsibility for our divorce and am in the BEGGING for her back process. I am really hoping and praying for another chance. I hate to say this, but some men won't believe you are serious about needing a change until you are already out that door and in a bed with another man. I am so ashamed to say it, but it's true, I would have NEVER changed unless she left me, although I swore time and time again that "tomorrow" I would start saving and "tomorrow" I would get in shape. Now, not ALL men are like this, that is ridiculous to say and probably even offensive to some, but I certainly understand your frustration and although I am not recommending that you leave him, Maybe you should just have him read this post or something if he would even go that far. If you do ever read this, buddy, you better shape up and appreciate what you have before she is GONE, OUT THE DOOR, and FOREVER somebody else's woman. It may sound like a promising escape right now, but you will forever and ever regret it, I promise you that. GL with him! Link to post Share on other sites
Author peach_bellini Posted June 10, 2012 Author Share Posted June 10, 2012 Have you devoted even 60 seconds to self evaluation and why you lack personal boundaries? Sorry to read about your misery and litany of complaints but you allowed these abuses against yourself. My self evaluation says that it isn't worth the time to try to fool with. He is about to get his walking papers out of my house. It is my house & he has no rights to it. I have given him all that he is going to get from me without getting anything return. I tried to keep him happy and I am not doing it anymore. I am not worried about anyone but my 6 yo & myself. I could careless what any man out there does or says. They can keep trucking right on by me. I was a good person once. A man sucked that good right out. Viktorious, you are the only I have seen here that can take some responsibility for your situation. Everyone else acts like it is all the other person's fault for leaving. Why bother if it gets you nowhere or your get promises that will never be filled? It isn't love that causes anyone to want to stay, it is because they take their other half for granted and don't want anything to change. Change is usually very short-lived, and they will go back to their old ways. Link to post Share on other sites
standtall Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 Peach, Married people with children seldom check out of marriages unless. 1. Drug/alcohol abuse by either party. 2. Physical/emotional abuse by either party. 3. Mental illness by either party. 4. Third party involvement by either party. With men, this often is a result of sexual incompatibility with the wife. With women, it is often the result of lack of emotional support from their husband. Now, this is not an all inclusive list as their are no absolutes with human behavior and your own case is an exception. As far as this goes, All men's crap & if they all died today, I would throw a party. I swear to god that if I ever get unmarried, I will never do this again. You men aren't worth the bull we have to put up with. I wouldn't even let another spend the night in my house. what do you expect with an attitude like that? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
shayla Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 I can understand why you feel the way you do, and you may feel that way until you are freed of this marriage to this man that acts like your second child. However, continuing to feel this way, and to say what you are never going to do, only ties you to this marriage and not in a good way. I know that you are stuck with this dude for the rest of your life because of your child. But if you let him pull you down with his behavior, his mission will be accomplished and you will never find the love and the partner everyone deserves. 18 years ago, when I left my abusive husband, he broke into my house, stabbed me, beat me in the head with a blunt object, and tried to leave me for dead, all the while with our 5 month old daughter screaming her heart out in her crib 5 feet away. Physically and mentally, I will never be the same, but you know what? I knew all along that there are good men out there and that all men aren't this way. I knew that if I continued to hate that man, I'd be tied to him forever and he would have ruined my life. Not me baby, never me! I have been in 2 relationships since then. One with the ex that brought me here and with my current boyfriend. If I had still harbored hate for the man I divorced, I would have never been receptive to either of these me. Live your life to the fullest. Always, and no matter what. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author peach_bellini Posted June 10, 2012 Author Share Posted June 10, 2012 At this point, I don't care how good they are, if they have billions, are hot, and beating my door down. They can keep it all to themselves. I would rather do the best I can for my 6yo & myself. I would expect all men to keep themselves far, far away from me. If one thinks they are going to get near me, they are going to get the "Hit the road & don't look back" talk. There was a time in my life that I believed that there were good ones out there. Not now, I watch other married couples, I watch the ones that have been in long term relationships, etc. They are all the same. If they don't get their way, they act like a little kid. That is all they are. They just want someone to be their own personal maid, chef, hooker, and babysitter. Link to post Share on other sites
Texsec Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 Similar story, First wife left me for a guy 16 years younger than us. Immediately got prego, I was dirt, it was all my fault. 3 years later I was talking to her in person to give her some cash for my son's letter jacket...She broke down, cried, said she still loved me and told me what was up....He had "his money" total spit lip redneck, out after work hunting and fishing, out every weekend chasing wild pigs, spending tons of money on expensive dogs and ATV's, doesn't pick up after himself, can't boil water, never does anything with her...Moved her way out in the sticks next to his parents, never spent time with the little girl because he wanted a boy....I told her I didn't feel that way anymore and she should extract herself if she was un happy. N. E. way, your man sounds like the same guy...If he won't make the changes or get some help, its on him....I believe a woman can leave because she is just unhappy, but, MOST of the time they have what they think is a better deal lined up first....... Link to post Share on other sites
Author peach_bellini Posted June 10, 2012 Author Share Posted June 10, 2012 I think mine is your ex's twin. They sound exactly the same except for buying the ATV, he already had one. If I manage to get out of the house, all he does is call & whine about not having anyone to fix him something to eat & that he starving. He would rather starve than walk his butt into the kitchen and fix something. He definitely won't go hungry from lack of food, but from being too lazy & stubborn to fix it. Link to post Share on other sites
Texsec Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 Yeah, I just never understood it....I like to cook, (dad had restaurants) I fished some, but, never everyday, did not hunt, never told her she could not have money for something, washed dishes,did my own laundry, kept her car up...The only thing was I liked to travel and she was a live and die in 20 square miles kinda woman. My job took me away 2-3 weeks sometimes....... Link to post Share on other sites
Meatballsmom Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 pb You are me two plus decades ago. Part of the problem is we made bad choices. Luckily they are not all losers. I got lucky and found a real winner, he is always there for me, a great cook, and does all the cooking, plus the dish washing and helps keep our place clean. And a great kisser I work nights, and at least once if not twice a week he comes by to take me to lunch, or bring me a lunch. He brings me flowers, and I don't mean cut, he brings me live flowers and keeps our yard full of color. He is always thinking of something new we can try, next week it will be an all day trip into the woods, for a yummy picnic. I could go on and on, but just wanted to let you know that some day in the future, when you are ready, dump you anger and give it another chance. Link to post Share on other sites
jwi71 Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 So PB... It sounds you are whining about "poor you" and doing nothing about it. So...what's keeping you in the M? File for D already. Whyy haven't you? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author peach_bellini Posted June 10, 2012 Author Share Posted June 10, 2012 Because for some stupid reason, I think he will catch the drift and get it together. If he doesn't, I am going to. Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 He's not going to change OR catch on. You'll need to do what you have to do and not look back. Use whatever resources are available to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author peach_bellini Posted June 10, 2012 Author Share Posted June 10, 2012 (edited) I highly doubt it. I think he just likes the idea of having a family when he needs one. I can ask him if he wants to do something, and he normally says no or conveniently forgets & makes plans to do something else. He can't even make his own plans without waiting till the last minute. He doesn't ever take us anywhere. Not even out to eat. He is willing to take us hunting if we want to go, but I am not chasing a damn thing. He can't even make up his mind on what he is going to eat. His answers are always "I don't care" or "whatever". ETA: He probably gets his joy from having someone here to cook & clean up after him since he is too lazy. Edited June 10, 2012 by peach_bellini Forgot something Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 What is your escape plan? Do you have that mapped out? Have you contacted a lawyer? Link to post Share on other sites
Author peach_bellini Posted June 10, 2012 Author Share Posted June 10, 2012 My escape plan is to continue working as I always have & tell him to hit the road. The house is mine and there isn't a thing he can do about it. It was inheritance. I have 2 cars, he has 3. I have 3 cats, he has 15 dogs. I have 2 horses, he has 1. I have 2 horse trailers, he has lawn mowers, 4 wheelers, & trailer.He can take whatever he wants from the house, all his things, and whatnot. The only thing he can't take is the 6yo. We don't have combined checking or finances. His money is his, mine is mine. The only thing we share a common tie is the 6yo. We have no payments, debts, or credit cards. Nothing is owed on. There maybe the lone medical bill that belongs to one of us in the past, but that's about it if there is anything. It may not be pretty but that's what it is. Link to post Share on other sites
LadyGrey Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 My escape plan is to continue working as I always have & tell him to hit the road. The house is mine and there isn't a thing he can do about it. It was inheritance. I have 2 cars, he has 3. I have 3 cats, he has 15 dogs. I have 2 horses, he has 1. I have 2 horse trailers, he has lawn mowers, 4 wheelers, & trailer.He can take whatever he wants from the house, all his things, and whatnot. The only thing he can't take is the 6yo. We don't have combined checking or finances. His money is his, mine is mine. The only thing we share a common tie is the 6yo. We have no payments, debts, or credit cards. Nothing is owed on. There maybe the lone medical bill that belongs to one of us in the past, but that's about it if there is anything. It may not be pretty but that's what it is. If you are truly that miserable with him, then set the wheels in motion NOW. Start living instead of whining about how bad he is. Make yourself happy with or without a man but depending on a man to make you happy is a recipe for disaster. Before and if you get involved again with someone, figure out who they are and if you are compatible before serious commitment. I wish I had learned this lesson a long time ago. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 You could benefit from counseling to get rid of that assigned meaning about men in general. Not all men are like that. Some women are like that too - but not all. Everyone is different! But your anger needs to be addressed. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 Possibly her anger is the motivator to remove the wasbund from her home. If her motivation to come here was for venting, advice and support, here we are. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author peach_bellini Posted June 11, 2012 Author Share Posted June 11, 2012 You are correct, balzac. Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 I encourage you to use the motivation and energy to act. Make your list of grievances. Believe in yourself and begin to set personal boundaries. Consider your role as parent. Keep your venting here. Link to post Share on other sites
Author peach_bellini Posted June 11, 2012 Author Share Posted June 11, 2012 Correct. If you vent in real life, it is used against you. It has been noted on here countless times. Link to post Share on other sites
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