viktorious11 Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 So, after 4 months of being separated (divorce papers already served) my wife went off and started seeing her Ex-BF and tore my life to bits as I really wasn't ready for the formerly mutually agreed to divorce. She obviously was sticking to her guns. However, Just this last Sunday, after weeks and months of praying and sending her love-letters, she sends me a text saying: "Maybe when you come drop off Daniel we can go for a walk or something..." My heart fluttered OUT OF CONTROL. Basically all she said was she doesn't want to shut out the possibility of us every happening again, but she still is not IN love with me like she was and she still has feelings for her OM. WTH>!>!>!??! Is this good or bad?! Part of me is jumping for joy but the other part is thinking what a B---- she is basically saying she is gonna sit back and let us duke it out for her?! I mean, I'm all for it, 'cause who doesn't love a good challenge, but it just seems kinda wrong and I don't know how to act. SO FAR we've just had lunch and dinner a few times, and although we haven't really kissed or closely touched, I feel as though we are already back together. BUT WE'RE NOT!! I want to shower her with kisses and love and lick her butt til she takes me back - but I also don't want to end up in a one way relationship that i basically forced her back into and that she will walk all over me in. Oh, man. My head is spinning. My heart has never beat this hard in my whole life. I'm feel powerless and dependent on this relationship working out in order to be happy. Do I go in guns blazing with Love letters and advancements or do I just kinda sit back and play hard to get, so to speak. I mean, I want her to want me, I don't want to just force it out of her. But I don't want to sit back and let her ride off on that other horse. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! (hair ripping out!!!!!!!!) :/ Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredReality Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 Rebuild the friendship first. You may be able to get her to fall back in love w you at some point, but not likely if you smother her or act too needy. Right now she wants things to be amicable, but it can take a very long time for a woman to get over her fears of being burned again... Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 To be honest, let her go. From your other posts, fessing up how you mistreated her when she was with you I get the feeling that just maybe one of the reasons you want her back, is because another man is interested in her. And all you want is to win. And it you do win, 2 years down the road you will be in the same position again. Link to post Share on other sites
Jethro Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 but she still is not IN love with me like she was and she still has feelings for her OM. You are setting yourself up for heartbreak. You've sent love letters and she knows she has the control. She can cake eat. She can walk all over you and you'll come back for more. She knows this because she has already done it. What I quoted above means she is either confused, or playing with you. There is really no other choices. In either case, you need to get a grip and leave her be until she comes back and tells you she doesn't have feelings for someone else. Your original relationship is over, no matter what happens. Even if she comes back ten minutes from now, tells you she is 100% devoted to you, loves you with all her heart- it's still a new beginning for a new relationship. Ask yourself this question... take yourself out of that relationship for a second... if you were dating a woman, and you thought it could go somewhere, how would you feel if she said, "I've got someone else I care about". Would you stick around and be ok with that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author viktorious11 Posted June 12, 2012 Author Share Posted June 12, 2012 I'm afraid though. I'm afraid if I do just let her go she will be immature and say to herself "oh, well, I guess he doesn't want me, so I'll just go with OM..." But you are right. She has full control. She is having her cake and eating it- just like I've been having my cake and eating it the last few years. I've really put myself in a tough spot. Payback/Karma is a b----. This sucks Link to post Share on other sites
andyg99 Posted June 12, 2012 Share Posted June 12, 2012 I'm afraid though. I'm afraid if I do just let her go she will be immature and say to herself "oh, well, I guess he doesn't want me, so I'll just go with OM..." stop being afraid... move on and stop letting her use you... Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted June 13, 2012 Share Posted June 13, 2012 Vik, keep it simple, it means she wants to go for a walk. Take a good look at Gallons post. If you can honestly tell yourself (what you tell us doesn't matter) that you want her back for the right reasons, then go for a walk with her and just let it be what it is without worrying about what it means or what you might make it. Its amazing what you find when you stop looking for something. TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
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