loveshots Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 I am crazy. Like hell. I keep on stalking my boyfriend's ex-live in partner, like everyday, and then I get jealous. I want everything that she has. Most specially her skin color. :/ And I want to go to the places that she went. I pity myself because of this insecurity. I always think that oh she's lucky because she have this and that. But at the end, I get bitter because I can't have them. I am certified hater. And i don't know how to get rid of it. It's killing me. I can't move on to my ex bf's past. I feel that I am the one that is stuck in that relationship. I pity myself. A lot. i hate this. It is scary that, sometimes I am trying to act like her? and then, tell to my self that, oh look I can to that thing better than her. But when I realized that I can't, I'll get angry and hate her more. What's wrong with me? What am I suppose to do? Kill me noooooow! Link to post Share on other sites
talespinner77 Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 Maybe instead of hating her, you should embrace her. I used to have an issue with my x sister in law because she was what I wanted to be, I saw what I lacked in me in her and that bothered me. But the truth of it was, it motivated me to be that person. We are all unique individuals with different paths and different lives. But the fact that you are obsessing tells me that somewhere along the way, something was said or done to make you feel like you aren't good enough, or perhaps she is percieved better in some way. Comparing your life to someone else's only brings pure misery, because although on the outside WE ALL seem to have it together, no one is perfect. Dwelling in loathing and jealousy is a very dangerous place to be and it is easy to slip into and stay there. Something about this person makes you feel inadequate, I feel like there is more to the story, someone doesnt just start stalking someone out of the blue, she has to be a target for one reason or another...think back and figure out what it is that started this, when did it start? And ask yourself, is she really in a better place, why the skin color anyway? These things are to specific to not have a prior motive behind them. Don't dwell in misery, you are beautiful, you can travel anywhere you want to, and you can be anyone you want to be, but just make sure the person you are being is someone who is beautiful inside and out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author loveshots Posted June 11, 2012 Author Share Posted June 11, 2012 talespinner77 it's because i consider her as a threat? Because until now I think that she still wants to be with my boyfriend. And because I think that, I can't give the time, and effort that she gave to my boyfriend, while they where still together. Skin color because she has fairer and flawless skin than mine. Even though a lot and lot of people are trying to to make me realize that I am, more and more of what she is. Still, I am stuck in that corner, being insecure all the time. Actually, I am 19 years old, my boyfriend was 21, she is 23. They started as live-in partner last 2009. Young right? My boyfriend even, pushed his parents to build a house for the both of them. And then, 1year and 6months passed things went all wrong. She broke up with him last 2010. And then my boyfriend did everything just to take her back, but she refuses. So my boyfriend decided to move on and then, courted me. When she saw us being so happy together, she make her move to take him back. But my boyfriend chose me instead of her. I shouldn't be jealous right? Because he chose me. I can't understand why I am acting this way. I think I am so jealous to their relationship when they are still together? I am really confused right now because I really want to know what's wrong with me. Link to post Share on other sites
d'Arthez Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 It sounds like you are trying to find fault with yourself, and have an obsession with being perfect for your boyfriend? That you want to emulate every characteristic of his ex, that you deem more attractive than your own characteristic (whether that is skin color, figure, dressing style, etc)? Sound like some obsessive compulsive thought patterns (in the making). If you have the opportunity, I would suggest you go and see a professional, because these thoughts can ruin your life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CopingGal Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 I was very jealous of a friend of mine. She was beautiful. She was thin. She got the guy I had a crush on. She was more popular than me. She wasn't teased like I was, etc., etc., etc. But she died in college. She got very, very ill. She died a bad death. Gone. Gone. It doesn't pay to be jealous of people. Link to post Share on other sites
Author loveshots Posted June 11, 2012 Author Share Posted June 11, 2012 d'Arthez obsessive compulsive? OMG! Seriously? How am I suppose to deal with this? I can't meet a professional, like what you've said because those things are not acceptable to our place. And It is hard to find them in here, and if ever available they are soooo expensive. I just want to move on. I want to stop hating her, and being bitter, jealous all the time. Link to post Share on other sites
talespinner77 Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 Has your boyfriend made comments comparing the two of you at some point? The fact is ONE: You cannot control who he chooses to be with, regardless of any reason or rhyme, even if he chose to be with her, you cant do anything about that so obsessing over the past isnt going to help. And TWO: He picked you for a reason. She chose to not be in his life. The life you build with him will be different and that is the point, the life he had with her did not work, and he sees that. Take a moment and be grateful of the fact that he is with you, and you have this beautiful thing in your hands, every moment you have with him is a blessing and should be treasured, not spent in loathing. Dont destroy yourself THUS destroying your relationship with him over something as petty as HIS PAST....let me repeat....HIS PAST......Trusting him is what you need to start doing, if you did she wouldnt be a threat. He has the choice of who he wants to be with. NOW, has he done something to insinuate he wants to be with her again, or perhaps that you arent good enough. Does his past relationship haunt him still today, does he talk about her still? Or are you just dwelling on something that has NOTHING to do with you? Think about it. YOU cannot control this situation. Try to be the best person you can be, to strengthen what you already have and are building with him. It is as easy as just letting it go like a heavy blanket. Now if she is knocking on the door, then measures need to be taken, and boundaries need to be drawn, but that is his job to make those boundaries. IF she is not and is leaving you two be then let it lie, and move on, you are only required to be you, the person he LOVES. I know it doesnt feel good to live in this world of loathing, you are not her, nor will ever be, but that is the exact point why he is with you right? He doesnt want her, he wants you.....feel special and thankful. Feeling threatened by someone who is a memory is not a good way to live. Look to the future and embrace your love for him AND for the love of yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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