Ex Girlfriend won't let me go

[Daniel5987]

My ex girlfriend insists on still speaking to me even though we split up 3 weeks ago. I don't understand why? I said to her I don't want to be friends because I still LOVE you. But she gets really upset that I can't because basically she thinks that if I'm not willing to be friends it means I'm not bothered about a possibility of me and her getting back together...

 

She'll say if someone really wants to be in someones life they'll seriously make an effort to do so... And she said if you love someone you'll wait.. I still love her so much and she says she wants to be single but she's not letting me go? Does she want me to try and win her over because that's what's shes said? Or is it an excuse to keep stringing me along with the emotional blackmail?

 

We mutually broke up 3 weeks ago and we did meet up a couple days ago we acted like a couple but she admitted she doesn't want anything to happen... But still continued to kiss me and she'd cuddle up to me? I'm so confused.

 

As well on the day we met up I received a text from my friend and he asked if I wanted to take some girl to this college prom in a few weeks and she saw it and I told her. She went so awkward and had such a red face and said of course I don't want you to go but I can't stop you.... Yet she doesn't want to be with me!

Edited June 10, 2012 by Daniel5987

[Tree_Salmon]

Sounds like she wants the best of both worlds.

She may need you as her emotional crutch until she gets over you and moves on. Allot of people do this.

 

What you do shouldn't be based on what she wants but rather what's best for you. Tell her that it hurts you to be "friends" with her and if she was a real friend she would understand. Who knows how this will turn out but what im almost 100% sure about is that if you tag along while having feelings for her you will get hurt.

[Daniel5987]

Sounds like she wants the best of both worlds.

She may need you as her emotional crutch until she gets over you and moves on. Allot of people do this.

 

What you do shouldn't be based on what she wants but rather what's best for you. Tell her that it hurts you to be "friends" with her and if she was a real friend she would understand. Who knows how this will turn out but what im almost 100% sure about is that if you tag along while having feelings for her you will get hurt.

 

Yeah I know I think you've summed it up there. But it's not right though? She doesn't want to be with me yet she's still talking and wants me too meet up with her. I say I dont want to be friends but deleting her out of my life seems so hard with how she's acting because she's getting upset if I don't text or a girl asked me out to some place.. If she was being cold and horrible I could do it a click of the fingers but she's making it tough for me!! I'd love to go back out with her but she says she's not sure what she wants and just needs to be on her own.

[utterer of lies]

Yeah I know I think you've summed it up there. But it's not right though? She doesn't want to be with me yet she's still talking and wants me too meet up with her. I say I dont want to be friends but deleting her out of my life seems so hard with how she's acting because she's getting upset if I don't text or a girl asked me out to some place.. If she was being cold and horrible I could do it a click of the fingers but she's making it tough for me!! I'd love to go back out with her but she says she's not sure what she wants and just needs to be on her own.

 

She is cold and horrible - she uses you for comfort and cuddling but doesn't are at all how much this hurts you. She says she's not sure what she wants. But she is sure of one thing: She does not want to have you as a boyfriend.

 

Is there anything more you need to know?

 

Cut her off and delete her from your life. Now.

[Daniel5987]

She is cold and horrible - she uses you for comfort and cuddling but doesn't are at all how much this hurts you. She says she's not sure what she wants. But she is sure of one thing: She does not want to have you as a boyfriend.

 

Is there anything more you need to know?

 

Cut her off and delete her from your life. Now.

 

Your very right in what you have said, but it seems so hard to because I still have feelings. She says maybe in the future.... That's complete bullcrap right? I must look so stupid being unsure of what to do here but it's just hard to see when your this disilusioned by loving someone...

[dbave]

Danny man, it's over. Don't play that game she is setting up for you. It will only rip your heart out more why her heart will be comforted until she is ready to move on.

 

Furthermore if she wants you back then she will let you come back. Not play this game.

 

The best thing is to put as much distance between you and her so the pain is acute and quickly ends. Block the FB and block the calls/texts/contact so that you don't tempt yourself to look at her pictures and such. I know its hard for you but you got to do it.

[Tree_Salmon]

Yeah I know I think you've summed it up there. But it's not right though? She doesn't want to be with me yet she's still talking and wants me too meet up with her. I say I dont want to be friends but deleting her out of my life seems so hard with how she's acting because she's getting upset if I don't text or a girl asked me out to some place.. If she was being cold and horrible I could do it a click of the fingers but she's making it tough for me!! I'd love to go back out with her but she says she's not sure what she wants and just needs to be on her own.

 

Well, she knows that if she were cold you'd leave. So shes playing the game to protect herself. Most people are scared little emotional animals, man. She needs to cover her bases.

 

A mature loving adult would tell you how they feel from day one and play no games. You need to step back and take care of yourself before you get accustomed to this new "friendship" thing and then one day see her kissing some other dude. She wont give a F*&k what you do then, trust me. In fact, she may ask you not to talk to her anymore because her new bf might not like it.

[betterdeal]

What do you want?

[Daniel5987]

Well, she knows that if she were cold you'd leave. So shes playing the game to protect herself. Most people are scared little emotional animals, man. She needs to cover her bases.

 

A mature loving adult would tell you how they feel from day one and play no games. You need to step back and take care of yourself before you get accustomed to this new "friendship" thing and then one day see her kissing some other dude. She wont give a F*&k what you do then, trust me. In fact, she may ask you not to talk to her anymore because her new bf might not like it.

 

That's true it's when you put it down it's like what? No she wouldn't do that! But clearly I just can't see it.

 

I'm going to just delete her off of everything now and then move on which I've tried to do.its like I've had a post poned break up haha. Thanks for your advice man, it's helped!

[Daniel5987]

Danny man, it's over. Don't play that game she is setting up for you. It will only rip your heart out more why her heart will be comforted until she is ready to move on.

 

Furthermore if she wants you back then she will let you come back. Not play this game.

 

The best thing is to put as much distance between you and her so the pain is acute and quickly ends. Block the FB and block the calls/texts/contact so that you don't tempt yourself to look at her pictures and such. I know its hard for you but you got to do it.

 

Thank you for your advice I need to be told by people I've never spoken before so I don't get know half truthed and biased thoughts from friends etc!

 

I'm literally going to do it now and just try and get through it all, I'm only young really at being 17 but it still sucks so much!

[Daniel5987]

What do you want?

 

I wanted the relationship after us breaking up together as a test... I said I'm ready for us to try again. She wasn't and has tried to play games with me and wants me to be friends. I said I can't and this is goodbye and she's making me feel so guilty for not wanting to be a friend when I still have feelings for her.

[betterdeal]

I wanted the relationship after us breaking up together as a test... I said I'm ready for us to try again. She wasn't and has tried to play games with me and wants me to be friends. I said I can't and this is goodbye and she's making me feel so guilty for not wanting to be a friend when I still have feelings for her.

 

You have the right to displease her, to not be her friend. My view is you need at least some time apart (properly apart) to let the wounds heal. Don't waste your energy trying to meet her needs: meet yours first.

 

End this mess now: no more contact.

[Daniel5987]

UPDATE: I deleted her off my phone and social network sites. I sent her one last text thanking her for the great memories weve shared but I just can't be friends when I feel like this. I wanted to make things work and I'm not happy at having to wait for something that might not happen. I said I still love you and i'll miss you.

 

I haven't received a text back and feel so down and crap about things! I just want to text her back asking for another chance even though she should be doing that to me... Il do the NC for now but I need you guys to stop me contacting her when I get tempted!

 

Thanks everyone for your support you've really helped me out.

[betterdeal]

Whenever you get the urge to contact, remember how bad you're feeling now and why: you are feeling bad because you have split up. The longer you take to finish things, the longer you will feel like this.

 

Be strong!

[Tree_Salmon]

UPDATE: I deleted her off my phone and social network sites. I sent her one last text thanking her for the great memories weve shared but I just can't be friends when I feel like this. I wanted to make things work and I'm not happy at having to wait for something that might not happen. I said I still love you and i'll miss you.

 

I haven't received a text back and feel so down and crap about things! I just want to text her back asking for another chance even though she should be doing that to me... Il do the NC for now but I need you guys to stop me contacting her when I get tempted!

 

Thanks everyone for your support you've really helped me out.

 

You dont need her to be the source of your happiness. Find your own happiness by yourself and then a great girl will come along. Chances are this girl will see it too and probably want you back.

Believe me it's happened to me every time.

 

Right now I'm sure its a disaster, its always the same with all of us. It feels like nothing anyone can say will help and it probably wont but time will help you out. Time alone and making yourself happy will help.

[EgoJoe]

If and when she texts you or calls to test your boundaries. Be rude to her, she'll get the point.

 

Her: Hi how r u i miss u

 

You: I miss me too. Who is this?

 

Her: omg wtf it's me dumbgameplayingskankho

 

You: You have the wrong number. Try somebody who isn't on to you and your little girl facade.

 

Her: Still not going to talk to me?

 

You: Kick rocks.

 

You: The suicide prevention hotline is ***-***-**** they might care but I wouldn't hold your breath.

 

etc. etc.

[CopingGal]

It really is simple. Just stay away from her. She is disrespecting you. My ex played than nonsense with me after he told me he cheated on me and I wanted him to leave me alone. He wouldn't let me heal and I had to threaten to call the police several times. That was the only thing I could do to get him to leave me alone.

 

You don't need that crap. Tell her to go screw herself.

[Radu]

My ex girlfriend insists on still speaking to me even though we split up 3 weeks ago. I don't understand why? I said to her I don't want to be friends because I still LOVE you. But she gets really upset that I can't because basically she thinks that if I'm not willing to be friends it means I'm not bothered about a possibility of me and her getting back together...

 

She'll say if someone really wants to be in someones life they'll seriously make an effort to do so... And she said if you love someone you'll wait.. I still love her so much and she says she wants to be single but she's not letting me go? Does she want me to try and win her over because that's what's shes said? Or is it an excuse to keep stringing me along with the emotional blackmail?

 

We mutually broke up 3 weeks ago and we did meet up a couple days ago we acted like a couple but she admitted she doesn't want anything to happen... But still continued to kiss me and she'd cuddle up to me? I'm so confused.

 

As well on the day we met up I received a text from my friend and he asked if I wanted to take some girl to this college prom in a few weeks and she saw it and I told her. She went so awkward and had such a red face and said of course I don't want you to go but I can't stop you.... Yet she doesn't want to be with me!

 

She's an immature brat.

She wanted the breakup to have some fun [your posts reminds me of GIGS], and because you told her you have feelings for her, she decided that you should wait for her anyway.

Notice the bold, that shows how selfish she is, she wants you on the backburner, convenient for her.

 

Get rid of her, and get a 'normal' gf ... one that sees you like a normal human being and which can empathise with you.

 

Word of warning though, when she sees you with another girl, she will go berserk so you may need to lay down the 'law' on her and let her know it's over and she wanted it.

Going NC also helps, but be prepared for way more mindfu.ck games from her.

To motivate you, know this ... if you take her back after this she will break up with you as soon as it suits her.

Edited June 11, 2012 by Radu

[Brittanypolo4]

My boyfriend did the same thing. He still wanted me to be there for him and talk to me like nothing was wrong but he didn't want us to get back together. I tools him once that I was hanging or with another guy and he got mad and said he didn't want me to go out with anyone else, so I thought maybe he wanted to get back together, but no! He just wants me to be alone and unhappy! I have since stopped talking to him,regardless of how much I want to, and now he doesn't text me at all. Although I did slip up on one occasion and text him and he was being friendly. I freaking hate confusion...

[Daniel5987]

You dont need her to be the source of your happiness. Find your own happiness by yourself and then a great girl will come along. Chances are this girl will see it too and probably want you back.

Believe me it's happened to me every time.

 

Right now I'm sure its a disaster, its always the same with all of us. It feels like nothing anyone can say will help and it probably wont but time will help you out. Time alone and making yourself happy will help.

 

I still some what hope she'll come back to me but I just know it was the right thing to do, I do believe time will be a healer so I've just to get along with it now!

[Daniel5987]

If and when she texts you or calls to test your boundaries. Be rude to her, she'll get the point.

 

Her: Hi how r u i miss u

 

You: I miss me too. Who is this?

 

Her: omg wtf it's me dumbgameplayingskankho

 

You: You have the wrong number. Try somebody who isn't on to you and your little girl facade.

 

Her: Still not going to talk to me?

 

You: Kick rocks.

 

You: The suicide prevention hotline is ***-***-**** they might care but I wouldn't hold your breath.

 

etc. etc.

 

Haha this made me laugh, I could try it but I don't know if I actually could. A big part of me is feeling guilty now because she's so nice and lovely to me. Like what she was doing to me like blackmailing me to keep being interested in her was horrible but she genuinely wanted to have a laugh being friends with me, I PROMISE you, we clicked and we had such a great laugh, but I wanted things how they were and she just wanted to give me a possibility to string me along.

[Daniel5987]

My boyfriend did the same thing. He still wanted me to be there for him and talk to me like nothing was wrong but he didn't want us to get back together. I tools him once that I was hanging or with another guy and he got mad and said he didn't want me to go out with anyone else, so I thought maybe he wanted to get back together, but no! He just wants me to be alone and unhappy! I have since stopped talking to him,regardless of how much I want to, and now he doesn't text me at all. Although I did slip up on one occasion and text him and he was being friendly. I freaking hate confusion...

 

I know it's terrible isn't it? Like they give us false hope to keep us there. Honestly your situation sounds like mine... You feel guilty for even receiving a text about another girl or hanging around with another boy in your case because you think they still want you with how they react!

[Daniel5987]

She's an immature brat.

She wanted the breakup to have some fun [your posts reminds me of GIGS], and because you told her you have feelings for her, she decided that you should wait for her anyway.

Notice the bold, that shows how selfish she is, she wants you on the backburner, convenient for her.

 

Get rid of her, and get a 'normal' gf ... one that sees you like a normal human being and which can empathise with you.

 

Word of warning though, when she sees you with another girl, she will go berserk so you may need to lay down the 'law' on her and let her know it's over and she wanted it.

Going NC also helps, but be prepared for way more mindfu.ck games from her.

To motivate you, know this ... if you take her back after this she will break up with you as soon as it suits her.

 

When you put it like that she's being incredibly selfish, I just think because we clicked so well and that she genuinely wanted us to be friends because we always was having a laugh I mean even when we met up last week we just get along great. I think she just loves that of me and not being in a relationship.

 

By the way, some girl asked me to go London with her and I told her and she got very awkward when we was on the train. She asked who she was and if I was going to go? Just things like that make me think she's still wanting a relationship with me but clearly she would of by now.

 

Do you think she has that GIGs? She did say she wanted to be single and enjoy life but she stressed she wanted no relationships with anyone. Il go NC and keep you all updated

[Daniel5987]

It really is simple. Just stay away from her. She is disrespecting you. My ex played than nonsense with me after he told me he cheated on me and I wanted him to leave me alone. He wouldn't let me heal and I had to threaten to call the police several times. That was the only thing I could do to get him to leave me alone.

 

You don't need that crap. Tell her to go screw herself.

 

Il stay away from her and refuse to contact her. What shall I do if say she texts me asking to meet up to talk?

 

Wow your situation seems really bad, must of been ridiculously hard to cope with him pestering you, I guess you just wanted to heal and move on.

[Radu]

When you put it like that she's being incredibly selfish, I just think because we clicked so well and that she genuinely wanted us to be friends because we always was having a laugh I mean even when we met up last week we just get along great. I think she just loves that of me and not being in a relationship.

 

By the way, some girl asked me to go London with her and I told her and she got very awkward when we was on the train. She asked who she was and if I was going to go? Just things like that make me think she's still wanting a relationship with me but clearly she would of by now.

 

Do you think she has that GIGs? She did say she wanted to be single and enjoy life but she stressed she wanted no relationships with anyone. Il go NC and keep you all updated

 

I think she does what she does out of both 'need' [for you to be there for her on the backburner] and for her to not feel 'guilty' by living out her fantasy.

Weather this fantasy is another guy, a lifestyle change or what not, it doesn't matter because it doesn't involve you being with her in a relationship.

 

 

Everything you do right now is against your own health.

You will be told by women that are either immature or feel they have a vested interest that you should be 'there for her' and 'try to understand her' and 'support her in trying to find herself'.

This is all complete bull**** and i suspect you already got these answers, hence you coming to this board.

Make no mistake, this girl has been cooking it for some time now, no woman leaves a relationship without having something else lined up in terms of 'what will i do'.

When a woman tells you she wants to end it, it is 99% sure that she put a lot of thought into this and has already started detaching. There are some who use this as a threat to take control in a relationship.

When you have a dog you don't pet him on the head for ****ting in your bed, you punish the dog. That's what normal ppl do with ppl who wrong them as well. You get to train other ppl in regards to the way they treat you.

 

You need to start getting control of your life, put her in her place [NC and enforce it ... txt-ing back 'leave me alone' at her's is breaking the NC], and start dating pronto.

And FYI, being friends with your ex barring having kids together is disrespectfull towards your future relationship partner. Very disrespectfull.

 

You both are at an age where you are still immature.

She idealises the single lifestyle, parties, college and the likes and sees the relationship with you as an impediment to her having unrestrained fun.

She truly wants to be back with you, but after she does this thing of hers and if she happens to find a better guy ... well sorry dude.

Now, do you think this is fair to you or highly selfish ?

 

Because this is what this girl is doing to you right now.

 

GIGS gives ppl an altered state of mind where they are hypnotised by a fantasy. It's kinda like an emotional/physichal affair except that in the case of the affair you actually have weapons to fight with [kids, her family, societal dissaproval].

You are up against a fantasy in her, and i looked up a few threads to see what it's like in her shoes and in another guy's shoes :

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/328979-deadline-our-relationship-he-doesnt-know-about - her shoes, see how she is also enamorated with the ideea of changing lifestyles and won't pull the plug on her relationship untill she has everything setup there ?

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/326791-long-term-girlfriend-wants-single-young-party - same thing as your situation

 

Read them both in great detail.