Freemantis Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 Hi all, I know this is an oft told story, but I'm absolutely reeling any advice you can give would help. Last night at around 3AM, my girlfriend of a year and a half came over, face scralled with marker pen, dress broken, very drunk, but she managed to get home of her own accord. After a little while she confessed that she'd kissed a stranger, but insisted it was a mistake and that it meant nothing. When I asked her what happened, and more importantly, why it happened, she said: "I didn't think that you'd care." I asked if that was what she was thinking when she did it, she replied in the affirmative. This morning, she acted as if nothing had happened. I was (and remain) really angry and hurt. I know that of all the bad things people in relationships do to each other, this is not one of the worst, but its the first experience of betrayal in a relationship I've had, and at the moment it really stings. We had another big talk this morning, she was all apologies and "I don't want to lose you" etc. but I found it very hard to talk to her, all I could do was tell her how hurt I felt. I keep on attempting to piece together what actually happened and try and attempt some sub-Freudian analysis on it. Was it a guy she had talked to and had been charmed by him, was it a dancing-to-kiss thing...why did her friends not stop her (although its quite possible they hate me). On top of that unnecessary torture, I'm trying to piece together what it means for the relationship. I worry that she's not happy. I'm not the most emotionally responsive boyfriend, I've suffered from depression since I was 18 (I'm 24) and it means I find it difficult to feel, let alone express, strong emotions, and I can't really be the best emotional support. That said, when she left this morning I sat crying on my bed listening to music like a teenager in a bad movie. Am I overreacting? Is it ultimately my fault, if she thought that I wouldn't care? Do I forgive her? Can I forgive her? Should I break it off? That's my sob story, any advice? Link to post Share on other sites
YellowShark Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 IMHO dealbreaker. Why? Two reasons, 1) if she drinks to the point where she loses all morals and conveniently forgets about you it's a dealbreaker. 2) If she's kissing other dudes at the bar she doesn't even know she's a slut, another dealbreaker. Link to post Share on other sites
FryFish Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 She probably ****ed him... Link to post Share on other sites
Yamaha Posted June 10, 2012 Share Posted June 10, 2012 IME... people blame alcohol for their actions when they want to do something but need that extra courage you get from drinking. Trust is big in a R and kissing someone else violates that trust...IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted June 12, 2012 Share Posted June 12, 2012 face scralled with marker pen, dress broken, very drunk This doesn't sound like someone who was dancing and gave in to a kiss on the dance floor. This sounds like someone to whom things were done against her will. I'm not saying this is cover or an excuse, but if she had her face written on with a marker pen, and her dress broken (ripped?) what the heck else happened to her? Somehow this sounds like a more complicated situation than just "I kissed another guy." I would be wondering if she is covering something up, either something she did with some knowledge and intent, or something that happened to her when she was unable to refuse? Or both... Either way, her lack of alarm is concerning - at a minimum, is it no big deal to her that she came home with a ripped dress and marker on her face? Is she just "used to that?" Link to post Share on other sites
Shaun-Dro Posted June 12, 2012 Share Posted June 12, 2012 Hi all, I know this is an oft told story, but I'm absolutely reeling any advice you can give would help. Last night at around 3AM, my girlfriend of a year and a half came over, face scralled with marker pen, dress broken, very drunk, but she managed to get home of her own accord. After a little while she confessed that she'd kissed a stranger, but insisted it was a mistake and that it meant nothing. When I asked her what happened, and more importantly, why it happened, she said: "I didn't think that you'd care." I asked if that was what she was thinking when she did it, she replied in the affirmative. This morning, she acted as if nothing had happened. I was (and remain) really angry and hurt. I know that of all the bad things people in relationships do to each other, this is not one of the worst, but its the first experience of betrayal in a relationship I've had, and at the moment it really stings. We had another big talk this morning, she was all apologies and "I don't want to lose you" etc. but I found it very hard to talk to her, all I could do was tell her how hurt I felt. I keep on attempting to piece together what actually happened and try and attempt some sub-Freudian analysis on it. Was it a guy she had talked to and had been charmed by him, was it a dancing-to-kiss thing...why did her friends not stop her (although its quite possible they hate me). On top of that unnecessary torture, I'm trying to piece together what it means for the relationship. I worry that she's not happy. I'm not the most emotionally responsive boyfriend, I've suffered from depression since I was 18 (I'm 24) and it means I find it difficult to feel, let alone express, strong emotions, and I can't really be the best emotional support. That said, when she left this morning I sat crying on my bed listening to music like a teenager in a bad movie. Am I overreacting? Is it ultimately my fault, if she thought that I wouldn't care? Do I forgive her? Can I forgive her? Should I break it off? That's my sob story, any advice? These days you just can't trust any girl as far as you can throw them. Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted June 12, 2012 Share Posted June 12, 2012 (edited) Last Night my Girlfriend Kissed another Guy While Drunk Then thats the night you should have considered yourself available to other girls again. Am I overreacting? No Is it ultimately my fault Absolutely not Do I forgive her? Absolutely not Can I forgive her? You can, but it would be foolish Should I break it off? Yes Edited June 12, 2012 by nofool4u Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted June 12, 2012 Share Posted June 12, 2012 This is a deal breaker IMO. As someone who was once an accomplished drinker, I've never cheated on someone while drunk (or sober). Drinking is not an excuse for cheating and shouldn't be treated as such. This girl has no respect for you! I'm curious to know why she thinks you wouldn't care about something like that?? Link to post Share on other sites
Pens55 Posted June 13, 2012 Share Posted June 13, 2012 When you are in a relationship, kissing others is a no-no in my opinion. Whats next, she gropes some dude.."well, you didnt mind me kissing someone, so I figured a little touching wasnt any worse." If you give her an inch, she'll take a mile. Link to post Share on other sites
Eddie Edirol Posted June 13, 2012 Share Posted June 13, 2012 I would be wondering if she is covering something up, either something she did with some knowledge and intent, or something that happened to her when she was unable to refuse? Or both... Either way, her lack of alarm is concerning - at a minimum, is it no big deal to her that she came home with a ripped dress and marker on her face? Is she just "used to that?" If it was against her will, she would have come home crying and told him Im sure. OP, your emotional issues might be driving her to other men. We dont know her, so if you think she is pulling away from you, you can either fix your emotional issues quick, or you can fix them after she breaks it off with you. But if she does, dont date anyone until you fix your issues. Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted June 13, 2012 Share Posted June 13, 2012 If it was against her will, she would have come home crying and told him Im sure. My point wasn't that the kiss itself was necessarily against her will. My point is that her face scrawled with marker and her "broken" dress (I'm assuming that means ripped to some degree?) were almost certainly, by definition, against her will. (And if not, then there's yet another level of "WTF" going on...) My point is most certainly NOT to offer an excuse or explanation for the reported kiss, but rather to ask how can one regard a woman who drags herself home drunk and apparently out of control, with her face scrawled with marker pen (what, voluntarily?) and a ripped dress (what, voluntarily?) and come to the conclusion that the only thing to be concerned about is a "no big deal" kiss? I think the situation is at least as big a red flag as everybody else here; as a matter of fact, I think it's bigger. That's my point: there's got to be more going on here. Link to post Share on other sites
JohnP82 Posted June 13, 2012 Share Posted June 13, 2012 Your sentence should have continued with, "and today I dumped her ass." Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts