silly702 Posted June 29, 2004 Share Posted June 29, 2004 I was seeing someone on and off for 6 months through mutual friends, group outings - and 2 months ago, he brought up that he wanted us to be exclusive to each other, which i was being already - but instead of dating (& i would define dating as going to dinner, a movie, long talks etc.) the only time we saw each other was if I went to his house and I would spend the night and sleep together. He is in his late 30s and i am in my mid 20s and we both have busy schedules with work and everything and always managed to talk throughout the day everyday via cellphone - even for an hour or so before bed- but it was like pulling teeth to get him take me out. So a couple of weeks ago, i told him that going to his home to "sleep" with him and leave was making me feel like i was being used and making me feel bad about myself. So he said that he would try to make time and take me out, etc. This past weekend he had 3 days off in a row & on his 3rd day off, he asked that i come over in the morning - i was so happy thinking that we were going to spend time, maybe go to lunch etc. - but 3hrs later of sitting on the couch, he said he had things he had to do. I was so furious, and told him I was sick of being his "booty call" & asked him what it was he wanted of me. I've told him that i like him and care for him and wanted to get to know him better by maybe going to dinner and talking. He kept saying that he cares for me and likes me too and that i wasn't a "booty call", but that he had things to do - so i basically snapped and said "look - if you don't want to be with me, just say so i don't want to be stringed along until you decide what you want - you can't have your cake and eat it too" and so he said fine and that he didnt have an answer for me because he didnt know what he wanted due to the fact that his ex of 10 yrs broke it off with him and is not sure he's ready to go down that path again etc etc All i wanted was to be respected and treated like a lady and go to dinner and a movie - not a wedding ring!! It is very early and we are still getting to know each other and he just freaked out. I though with the age difference and him being older, that he would have had more class to treat me like a lady. So i accussed him of just using me and i left in tears. This was 2 days ago & I am so miserable. I can't sleep, eat & even though we didn't see each other, we had wonderful conversations and i miss his phone calls - my brain tells me i did nothing worng, but if i didn't, why am i in so much pain & sadness. I keep hoping he calls & tries to work things out and even jump when the phone rings. My stomach hurts and i want to just jump out of my skin. I can't believe how much i came to care for him and i thought he did too. I want him back but not if its going to continue to be the same and at the same time feel like a fool for admitting that. Please advise on what I should do. I am so tired of crying. Link to post Share on other sites
freddienonose Posted June 29, 2004 Share Posted June 29, 2004 I don't think I have any advice for you as such, Silly702, but I'm going through a very similar situation myself. The long-winded version can be found here! Basically, my girlfriend of four months (they'd been four quite intense months and we'd casually dated for some weeks before that) dumped me two weeks ago because she couldn't handle the stress of our relationship anymore (well, that was her excuse). Like you, I had become frustrated that we weren't seeing each other enough and that she had placed me at the bottom of her list of priorities. She, in turn, found me jealous and paranoid and, to be honest, I think I pushed her too fast. Like your boyfriend she had issues with past relationships. She's also quite a screwed up person with a lot of problems but that's another story! Again, like you, I realise that she was making me miserable when we were together and I know that she's not the one for me. Thing is, I still want her back. Can't help it! I've been crying on and off for two weeks as well as vomiting a little and I'm very familiar with that pain in the stomach. You're not alone with that one! Anyway, I've resolved not to contact her for a while and to just let her contact me from now on. It's been 9 days with no contact apart from an awful stomach-churning 20 second meeting on the street. If I were you, I wouldn't contact him for a while. You're right - you did nothing wrong but sometimes people aren't ready for the love we want them to accept. It could be that he wants to take it slow. It could be that he doesn't want to get involved in a similarly heavy relationship to the one he's just been in. Or it could be that he's not sure about you anymore (Believe me, I know that it's difficult to even consider that right now). Give him a little more space and see how we reacts. Not knowing what's going on in the other person's head can be the most difficult thing to deal with but often situations like this will inspire a little honesty. The fact that you're not sure whether you want him back is also very important. You see, it's not just him that needs some time - You do too! Give yourself a while to get over the initial shock and grief and then you can figure out if being with him is indeed something you really want. Anyway, I feel for you mate but it will get easier. Gather your friends around, keep busy, play some music and stay strong! Link to post Share on other sites
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