Author Brit Posted July 12, 2012 Author Share Posted July 12, 2012 I really want to successfully come out of this. I do hope more therapy will help. I am so sick of feeling this way and feeling like a failure everyday I fail to do anything productive. If I could just pop up, and go, enjoy things, exercise, go to the grocery store, instead of a convience store, because i just wish to get home and crawl back into bed, and a grocery store would require more time, and more interaction. I feel like I live in a dead haze. It has to get better. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 Is it night or morning where you are? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brit Posted July 12, 2012 Author Share Posted July 12, 2012 My first thought was please do not ask me to do sit ups:)....it is thankfully night, and my sleeping pills are taking effect nicely. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 lol, actually I was going to ask you to go sit outside for about 5 minutes on your front porch. It's a great start. Take a cup of tea out there with you in the morning. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brit Posted July 12, 2012 Author Share Posted July 12, 2012 lol, actually I was going to ask you to go sit outside for about 5 minutes on your front porch. It's a great start. Take a cup of tea out there with you in the morning. Relieved:) No sit ups. I see my psych today, and have been trying to figure out since last night if I wish to call in sick and just pay, or ask for another tele session (which they have done, but seem to have a problem with it), or go. I think I need to get my ass up and go. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brit Posted July 12, 2012 Author Share Posted July 12, 2012 I am so unproductive, it is pathetic. I am sitting here, doing absolutely nothing to help myself. My pills have not been effectively working anymore, so I am now chewing them and letting them sit and absorb in other ways besides the gut. Doing it this way, makes me numb, my lips are numb, my head is numb. I am numb. Jittery and numb. I own the fact that this pathetic. I know I have to change this. I am being illogical, wishing to go back into the past, in a place and time I was so liberated, free, happy, had friends surrounding me, who were more messed up then me, but surprisingly were my best truest friends in my life. This period is over, I am where I am now, stuck, but only I can change my self. I am in self pity, and this is unbecoming. I will get through this. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 Why don't you just call the hospital and ask to be admitted? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brit Posted July 13, 2012 Author Share Posted July 13, 2012 I would rather be dead then in a hospital with a bunch of uncaring people, who are there for a paycheck. I am more comfortable at home. I will come through. If not, that is fine with me too. I just do not care anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted July 13, 2012 Share Posted July 13, 2012 I've recently started taking an antidepressant called escitalopram. It is helping. I was where you are now and I know that lack of energy and ability to cope. Talk to your doc and see if you can be referred to another therapist specialising in people who've suffered abuse. Consider the antidepressants too. I know it's incredibly difficult to motivate yourself to even go out of the house but the right medication could make all the difference. Incidentally, it has helped me to sleep better too so might help your insomnia. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brit Posted July 13, 2012 Author Share Posted July 13, 2012 Thanks. Antidepressants, I have too many side effects, but am interested in finding a doc who is an advocate for an old drug, which is now being used with a huge success factor in wiping out depression, and numbing pain (this is a great plus), it is Buprenorphine. The problem lies, finding a doc who will prescribe it. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted July 13, 2012 Share Posted July 13, 2012 I would rather be dead then in a hospital with a bunch of uncaring people, who are there for a paycheck. I am more comfortable at home. I will come through. If not, that is fine with me too. I just do not care anymore. Frankly, I am insulted by you, Brit. My mother was a nurse and she was the most caring, wonderful person I ever SAW in a hospital. And the other people I knew there were JUST as caring as she was. And trust me, you do NOT become a nurse or any other profession in a hospital if you don't love what you do; it is a calling. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brit Posted July 13, 2012 Author Share Posted July 13, 2012 I apologize if I insulted you, it was not personal. A hospital setting is the last place I wish to be. I am not suicidal or meet any criteria for hospitaliation. I do feel dead, but at the same time wish to live. I also prefer no one know my business. I turned my therapists idea of trying tricyclics down just recently, because I know those are the only class of meds, that if you take a handful, you are done, 5 minutes, it shuts down your central nervous system, and there is no attempt with those, no possible resucitation. Not that I have that idea, I just do not wish for them to be lying about the house. There are no more places, affordable to go for in patient treatment, simply because you are down/depressed. It is unfortunate. Very unfortunate that these places can no longer afford treating those that are in more desperate need, like schizophrenics, etc. Many are left to the street. I apologize again, if my opinion offended you. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted July 13, 2012 Share Posted July 13, 2012 I am not suicidal or meet any criteria for hospitaliation. You have ALL the criteria for hospitalization; it's just that YOU are inside it and can't see it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brit Posted July 13, 2012 Author Share Posted July 13, 2012 I have been told, that when I was young (7), one of the best psychiatrist, great in their field, gave me the prognosis, that from my past, that I would be dead by 18, a problem, and many more insulting innuendos. I proved him wrong. I am going to go to the life coach, a woman, and believe she may be able to give me the cheer I need. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brit Posted July 13, 2012 Author Share Posted July 13, 2012 I am doing okay. I have thought it out. I am hiding. I am coping, depressed, but coping in the best way for me. I am level headed. I understand that going out partying and drinking while depressed is the worst idea. I know going out hunting for male company is the wrong idea. I do not need attention to cope. I know the right measures of wrong and right. My problem is deep inside, and being alone, is my only comfort zone right now. I do not wish anyone to know or to gain attention through it. I wish to heal on my own. You all gave me some great insight, and I believe the life coach may help. If I can heal from the inside, and once I do, then all the aove may be a possibility, and done in a healthy state. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted July 13, 2012 Share Posted July 13, 2012 I have been told, that when I was young (7), one of the best psychiatrist, great in their field, gave me the prognosis, that from my past, that I would be dead by 18, a problem, and many more insulting innuendos. I proved him wrong. I am going to go to the life coach, a woman, and believe she may be able to give me the cheer I need.That's good. Have you called her yet? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brit Posted July 13, 2012 Author Share Posted July 13, 2012 No. Not yet. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted July 13, 2012 Share Posted July 13, 2012 Make a goal. Write it down each day on your calendar for a week. If you make it a week without calling, maybe it will push you to do so. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brit Posted July 13, 2012 Author Share Posted July 13, 2012 I will do that. Proud of myself that I paid my bills today. I am actually far advanced months ahead for most. The others that will not allow me to pay before, without having to pay minimum on date, bums me. This allows me some room/time to heal. I just hate crying. I am sick of crying, how do you stop that? My psychiatrist gets paid cash, and only concern when I am there is my money. This depressed me when I was there this week, right when I walked in, he was oh, btw, the day I fit you in because you were really down, I forgot about pay, but will give you a percent discount, and you owe like 265 for today and last time. It did not help. I just made some bean soup from a bag, and need to make sure it is not from like 5 years ago, because my stomach is turning. Bagged bean soup should last for ages right? Afraid to look. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brit Posted July 13, 2012 Author Share Posted July 13, 2012 I stopped goals because everytime I made one and failed, I get more depressed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brit Posted July 13, 2012 Author Share Posted July 13, 2012 Turnera, I really hate to always talk about me. What is your story? I do not even know if you are a man or woman. Link to post Share on other sites
CopingGal Posted July 13, 2012 Share Posted July 13, 2012 Hi Brit, Did you ever try the square deep breathing method that I put up in the Abuse forum? I can understand how you feel about hospitals. No offense intended to anyone. I did volunteer work in the hospital in the psychiatric ward. My boss told me the doctors abused the nurses and the nurses abused the patients (verbally). At times the nurses were not very nice to the patients. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brit Posted July 13, 2012 Author Share Posted July 13, 2012 Thanks:) The same for you, hope coping is in your vocab. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted July 13, 2012 Share Posted July 13, 2012 Brit, I would never recommend someone go to a psychiatrist unless they strictly need meds. I was hoping you'd see a psychologist, who isn't interested in dispensing meds but rather helping you fix what's making you unhappy. But your other lady should help, too. Just call her, ok? Leave a message. That's easier. btw, I'm female, age 54, married 30+ years, with a wonderful DD21, in Texas. Marriage sucks, but DD21 makes up for it. And, after 20 years of asking, I finally got my husband to go to therapy because I know it's the only way he will ever stop being angry and depressed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brit Posted July 14, 2012 Author Share Posted July 14, 2012 Brit, I would never recommend someone go to a psychiatrist unless they strictly need meds. I was hoping you'd see a psychologist, who isn't interested in dispensing meds but rather helping you fix what's making you unhappy. But your other lady should help, too. Just call her, ok? Leave a message. That's easier. btw, I'm female, age 54, married 30+ years, with a wonderful DD21, in Texas. Marriage sucks, but DD21 makes up for it. And, after 20 years of asking, I finally got my husband to go to therapy because I know it's the only way he will ever stop being angry and depressed. Well he is both. BTW, nice to meet you:) Thank you for all your comfort, sincerity, and concern. It is appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
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