ex ignores me.. nc?

[StarlaStardust]

Can you tell me what has helped you cope, and how you managed for 2 months? Today is only day 7 and i'm having a very difficult time.. thank you

 

Create a routine for yourself and stick to it. Don't jam-pack your schedule and leave a lot of time in for grieving. It's only been a week for you. At day 7 I was vomiting with anxiety. I don't know how long you were dating in total, but understand that it will take some time to feel better. This is okay. Get comfortable with the idea that it takes time. You don't want to gloss over this experience only to find yourself too afraid in the future to be totally available the next time love presents itself.

 

This is really day 6 NC for me (one-sided, of course!), because after trying to get in touch with him 5 or 6 times over 2 months, I sent him an email saying some things I felt I needed to say to move on with integrity and respect. Of course, he hasn't responded to that either, but I wrote it fully expecting no response. I wish I had sent it sooner, or at least decided with resolve to move on from him sooner, but I never in a million years expected him to do me in like that. I didn't think he would be so cruel when I didn't deserve it. He's not stupid and he knows what he was doing in how he was handling breaking up with me and the kind of effect it would have on a human being.

 

Break-ups can be a blessing if you let them. I found myself with the space and freedom to re-invent myself and take an honest inventory of the person I am and how I handle things. Like you, I am still hurting, but just put one foot in front of the other on your quest for best self and keep showing up for yourself. This motherf*cker may have totally abandoned you, but you don't EVER have to abandon yourself.

 

It's turned into a beautiful transformative journey. It sounds cheezy, but it's true. I now go to the gym 5 mornings a week, I look GREAT, I've leveled out my blood sugar (and therefore, my moods), cleared my skin, started a fun web project, built furniture, rediscovered hobbies, etc., learned to count my blessings, and most importantly, vowed to be okay with being alone. Some days the thought of running into him again is what fuels me. I want him to eat his heart out. Other days, it's just a matter of knowing that when I do get into my next relationship, I am going to be an amazing, healthy person who doesn't have to settle for dysfunctional assh*les.

 

That guy left you at a bar. Now he leaves you hanging like THIS. This is how and who he is. Consider yourself lucky for having dodged a bullet. It's not your fault that he's acting like this. You may have said some ridiculous things or not, but it's human decency to respond to someone trying to get a hold of you, at least to say that they'd prefer not to be in contact. Sure, lots of people do what our exes are doing in being totally unresponsive. But do you want your potential sons to grow up to be like him? Probably not. Good riddance.

[nanbullen]

What I dont understand is, where is the compassion to tell the dumpee, look its over. I think the dumper (aka my ex bf) should have the decency to tell me that its over. They make the decision to begin a relationship with you by asking you to be their gf so why not give them the same courtesy and let them know you're checking out. Isn't that just basic courtesy?? I'm sitting here just wondering, is this really over? I couldn't even get a "its over" via text or IM!!! I wasn't asking for a conversation, just let me know he doesn't want the relationship anymore how hard is that? This behavior is so disgusting to just ignore me like our time together was nothing. I have a right to be treated with respect. You kissed me, made love to me, introduced me to your family and you can't even tell me its over??? GROW UP and stop being a coward you prick ass douchebag! If you can't even tell the person its over, you have no right to be in relationship.

 

Yeah, my ex did the same thing. Either they're cowards, or they don't want to hurt you. Maybe they want to keep us on the back burner, in case they want us back or need an ego boost. Who knows why they do it, but it happens. Stop looking to him for answers, because you will never get them. I text-bombed my ex and called him and did everything to get "closure", until i realized that it just wasn't going to happen.

 

I really don't have anything to add to all this advice you already have, i just wanted to say i understand what you are going through, and it WILL get better.

 

One thing i read in some self-help book that helped me, even though it sounds a little silly, is treat yourself the way you treated your ex when you first got together. I tried to look my best for him, made sure of my hair and makeup, manicures, pedicures, putting extra effort into how i dressed. When you talked to him, you were happy, positive, and loving. Now be good to yourself, the way you were good to him. Do all that for yourself! It's so easy to neglect yourself when all you can think about is how miserable you are, the last thing you want to do is make small talk with your hairdresser or manicurist. It all seems so pointless, I know. But i did it, and it really helps you put your focus back on YOU and not him. Also, it keeps you busy. I have found that no contact and staying busy are the 2 most important things you need to do to move on and heal as quickly as possible.

[greenz]

Either they're cowards, or they don't want to hurt you. Maybe they want to keep us on the back burner, in case they want us back or need an ego boost.

 

It's a combination of all of these. I felt a bit of each after breaking up with my first gf, even though the way I broke up with her was nothing as bad as what happened to you. But I learned that in the long run, both people get more hurt that way.

[StarlaStardust]

I don't mean to just jack your thread for my own, but I almost caved a minute ago and texted him: "unfortunately i still don't understand why you would end things in an email and just never speak to me again. I have been nothing but kind and respectful about this, and I want answers."

 

Some days are obviously harder than others for me. We had a beautiful connection and I did not get the respect I deserved in the end. So many questions unanswered. Argh.

[skyisfalling]

That guy left you at a bar. Now he leaves you hanging like THIS. This is how and who he is. Consider yourself lucky for having dodged a bullet. It's not your fault that he's acting like this. You may have said some ridiculous things or not, but it's human decency to respond to someone trying to get a hold of you, at least to say that they'd prefer not to be in contact. Sure, lots of people do what our exes are doing in being totally unresponsive. But do you want your potential sons to grow up to be like him? Probably not. Good riddance.

 

I woke up this morning with a huge knot in my chest and was THIS CLOSE to texting him i missed him when I saw this and it stopped me. Although my mind knows he's no good for me, my heart disagrees. Thank you for your helpful post, this made me stronger today. I will focus on my life like you did, focusing on my fitness, taking care of myself and in time, maybe i'll feel better... and I'm really glad you didn't cave in and contact him, lets help each other cope through this pain.

 

*I JUST CANT UNDERSTAND HOW HE DOESN"T MISS ME ENOUGH TO CALL ME!!! (end rant)*

 

nanbullen: Im so sorry for your loss, and although your loss gave you much pain, it is somewhat relieving to know that I wasn't the only one who was put into such an unfortunate situation.

 

I'm not young- i'm 31 and I think im starting to realize that I really dont want to be alone.. more than missing him, I really dont want to be alone- did i really love him then? Last night, in the midst of my trying to not to think of him, I went on match.com/okcupid/pof and all these other dating sites just to check out some of the guys on those sites.. and OMG, the guys are sOO not the type of guys I would go for.. i keep thinking F*** this is hopeless, I'll probably be lonely forever.. it was discouraging and it made me miss my ex more.

 

NC DAY 8, f*** my life.

[StarlaStardust]

You are very welcome, skyisfalling! I feel so happy that I could help you:). And I'm going to follow my own advice and avoidavoidavoid reaching out to him. Like I said, some days are better than others. But I've decided with good reason to go strict NC, so... Day 6:). I am so glad I found this website.

 

I'm not particularly religious, but I can't help but feeling like this devastating thing is happening for a reason. It feels comforting and healing to open my heart fully to that possibility, and trust that something AMAZING is coming my way:)

[skyisfalling]

You are very welcome, skyisfalling! I feel so happy that I could help you:). And I'm going to follow my own advice and avoidavoidavoid reaching out to him. Like I said, some days are better than others. But I've decided with good reason to go strict NC, so... Day 6:). I am so glad I found this website.

 

I'm not particularly religious, but I can't help but feeling like this devastating thing is happening for a reason. It feels comforting and healing to open my heart fully to that possibility, and trust that something AMAZING is coming my way:)

 

That is inspiring.. I should trust that something AMAZING is going to come my way too, but seeing fat balding guys on match.com kinda discourages me..

 

I dont know how many times i check this site out a day. At work, I'm on this forum NONSTOP.. doing this prevents me from texting my ex so its good i guess. I'm really glad this site exists, sharing my pain with others and talking about it is really cathartic. Thanks everyone for listening.

[StarlaStardust]

That is inspiring.. I should trust that something AMAZING is going to come my way too, but seeing fat balding guys on match.com kinda discourages me..

 

Haha, tell me about it. I'm 27, and I look super duper young, so the only guys approaching me in "real life" are barely old enough to drink or are pervs my age and older who look disappointed when they learn how old I really am. Online dating is kind of going to be the best bet for me to meet someone. However, I was thinking of challenging myself (when I'm ready to date, that is) to join some activities/classes/whatever where I would meet new people.

 

Still, that is neither here nor there for me. I am on a dating strike for now. I get really easily distracted by my romantic relationships/courtships, so I stop taking the best care of myself and get really anxious about whether or not they're validating me. I intend to heal this before my next romantic adventure. I have moments of sincere gratitude for this sh*tty breakup, because it's giving me the opportunity to ensure that I have an even better relationship in the future.

[skyisfalling]

i just ran across some emails that he had sent to me before "the big fight." He was calling me babe and how he loved me and he can't wait for us to begin our life together...

 

CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME NOT TO CALL HIM AND BEG HIM BACK!

 

Maybe I didn't make it clear that I wanted to be back with him, maybe I didn't make it clear that I wasn't throwing "breadcrumbs.." Is there a chance he's not calling me because he thinks I broke it off with him for good???

[StarlaStardust]

Hey Sky, you tried contacting him a bunch with no response, right? it doesn't matter what you said last time he gave you an audience. Regardless of what you said, it wasn't hostile or abusive, and the fact is that you tried to talk to him afterwards. It's on HIM that he won't even talk to you. You are trying to make excuses for him being this way, which I totally understand because it feels shocking and confusing to have a human being you were so close with just suddenly pretend like you don't exist.

 

Stop blaming yourself. I still blame myself to this day, and it's a psychological trick our brains play on us to make sense of things. But this is just his character=/

[StarlaStardust]

Also, I rounded up all the emails we had (yeah, the one right before the break up said "you continue to amaze me with your wonderfulness.") and forwarded them to a spare email account I had, filed those in a folder once in the spare account, and deleted them from my main one.

 

I know it sucks. Hugs to you.

[skyisfalling]

Thanks Starla, I really needed that.. Im going to be strong.

[Gulf-Delta]

hey guys, I posted here a couple months back about my bf who left me at a bar, well to make a long story short we decided to work things out after speaking about the situation for days on end.

 

Fast forward 3 months and our relationship seemed to take off for the most part. He met my parents, I met his.. we were talking about marriage we had our fights and arguments but for the most part the relationship was progressing.

 

However, for the past several weeks, my bf and I have been constantly arguing over some guy at school who has a crush on me. Maybe it was my mistake to let him know about the other guy but I was only trying to be honest and let him know. My bf got supremely upset over how some bastard can like a girl knowing she has a bf. I told my bf that I wouldn't continue talking to him but because he is in my group project I'd talk to him minimally. I also explained how I can't control how other people feel about me just my own actions and that he needs to trust me. My bf's stance is that the guy is probably interested in me because I've been giving him the vibe I'm interested, which isn't true at all. Well on one particular night this argument escalated and we both hung up angrily. I tried to talk to him later on in the day but he completely ignored me. The next day I called him up and told him that Id like him to talk things over with me instead of ignoring me and that if he wanted time to cool off then he should let me know instead of leaving me hanging. We ended up arguing again, and I blurted it, FINE, lets just explore other options then, we'll break up. Since then, I regretted saying those words and tried to call him and text him to call me back and we need to talk about what happened but he now completely ignores me. He even missed my birthday (without even saying happy birthday) and he missed my graduation (which happened to be 2 days after my bday). Is it really over? No matter how angry you get, how could he be so selfish and miss some of my most significant events? Was i really in the wrong here or is he overreacting? I just need a third party perspective. Thanks guys. BTW, its been a week and a half since we last spoke..

 

I'm going crazy thinking about it.. this whole in between phase. Is it over, do i need to move on? He's never ignored me before. Id love to talk to him about it but if he doesn't respond, then there's really nothing more I can do.

 

He's already made the decision to go NC for you.

[greenz]

skyisfalling, I'll give you a slightly more amusing explanation to what you are going through. I don't know if it will help or if it will annoy you, but here goes. A lot of the feelings that you are feeling are ordinary. They happen to everyone. There are reasons why you feel that way. Your body has genetically built in mechanisms that drive you toward reproduction. That's all it is. Your body, all of it and a lot of it's functions is built to reproduce. These feelings that you are feeling have a lot to do with hormones. When you think about it, having a boyfriend or a husband and having babies is a way not to be alone and your body is built for that. In twenty years or so, you will go through menopause and you will no longer care as much, but until then, you will get these feelings all the time. However, you also have a mind. Your mind gives you the wisdom and the strength to know better and to have self-control over such feelings. As human beings, we can be quite powerful in that we can rise above these feelings by using our minds. It's what separates us from other animals that just reproduce at random. Are you going to let your body control your mind or are you going to take charge?

 

My suggestion is go to Barnes & Noble and go to the Self Help section and find a good book that will help you become a stronger woman and/or more aware of what to look for in relationships. Learn some new things and engage in some new activities. When you become stronger and you engage yourself in things you love, that's when you will meet the right guy. And you will meet the right guy and have kids if that's what you wish for, but it will happen for the right reasons. It will not be out of desperation and out of giving in to these very common feelings. If you were to have something with this guy it would be desperate and unhealthy and would lead to more pain. You have a good heart. Become a better, stronger person and I guarantee you that life will reward you.

[StarlaStardust]

I was reading this other thread about a guy who just doesn't answer - http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/330065-cut-contact-still-keeps-my-stuff-what-hell-3.html

 

And geegirl said something really helpful that just might be perfect for tonight --

 

"NC is used by the dumpee as a tool to help you detach and heal from a situation that isn't good for you.

 

The silent treatment is used by the dumper as a mainpulation tactic. A form of emotional abuse whereby a partner uses it to make you feel devalued, unimportant, absent from their thoughts. That in turn causes turmoil and confusion in the other person's mental and emotional thinking. It's a form of control."

 

Yikes. It's hard for me to swallow that this man who was so precious to me could be like this. But I do see how he can be like this, especially as someone who endured a lot of emotional abuse from his parents growing up. This is normal for him, even though if you asked him, he would deny being that kind of person. I don't know if you can draw any parallels with your guy, but if you can, it might help you to accept that this is for the best and that groveling to him, even (especially?) if successful, will not produce a happy future life for you.

 

You can do better than this, skyisfalling.

 

So can I. But I can see how my own emotional issues totally ATTRACTED this kind of man into my life. More mixed blessings from heart break: the introspective epiphanies...

[skyisfalling]

I decided I wasn't going to stay home on a Friday night thinking about someone who doesn't give a rats ass about me. I went out with friends and to my surprise had a great time. I was able to laugh today for the first time in 2 weeks and my life didn't seem so bad. Talking with friends and talking with you guys on this forum really made me realize what a unhealthy relationship this is. I dont deserve this kind of treatment, and why would I want to be with someone like this. Even if by some miracle he were to call me, there would be too much pain and suffering for me to forgive so easily. How could I trust him again? Why would I put up with such disrespect? My ex really showed his true colors in how he handled this situation and for that I should be thankful that I didn't waste another day with him.

 

Greenz, you are absolutely right in that I need to love myself. I've been reading self help books this whole week and I've come to the conclusion that yes even though it hurts, I'll be OK. As you said, I'm going to take it slow and focus on myself and nurture myself back to health.

 

Starla, you've been such a great help to me. Today, when I was so close to texting my ex twice, I'm so glad you were able to remind me what a douchebag my ex was. I'm beginning to realize that maybe the reason why my ex was so appealing was because he was so emotionally unavailable and its those things where you want what you can't have- or you feel like you can "change" him. I never realized silent treatment could be emotional abuse but you are absolutely right in the sense that it is, and it is a form of control.

 

Today is officially 9 of NC and I feel so much stronger taking back the power and refusing to let him have me. As cheesy as it is, I'm listening to Katy Perry's Part of Me.. Im tired of feeling miserable and sorry for myself. Thanks everyone for helping me through such a difficult time, I am really grateful for this forum and everyone's input.

[StarlaStardust]

I am so glad you went out and had fun last night! I did the same, but I found myself feeling desperate, like... looking around for men to pay attention to me. I came home kind of early, but I'm a bit antisocial so no one was surprised when I said I was heading home.

 

I woke up this morning feeling like contacting my ex. But I read again about silent treatments as a form of emotional abuse, and I thought to myself the only thing worse than getting the silent treatment once is getting it over and over again. So I will avoid that like the plague, as much as it breaks my heart to kind of know that if I "fight" for him and put my pride aside, I could maybe have him back. But this isn't the movies, if you know what I mean.

 

His mother has disowned two of his siblings, the most recent being last Christmas, and gives them the silent treatment. This is just the tip of the iceberg of how this dynamic is the foundation of his relational habits. Unless my ex goes to therapy and starts working out some of these issues, I don't want to be in contact with him. These last two months have been so incredibly painful for me, when all I needed was the respect of a single 2-way conversation.

 

And I take a sick comfort in knowing he must have really had strong feelings for me to go to such extremes. Which is probably something I need to look at in myself...

 

Day 7 NC

[skyisfalling]

I think seeking for attention is normal.. I found myself looking at couples last night and thinking I would like to have someone again .. someday.

 

Today I woke up feeling very angry about my situation and although I know I need to move on and I know this is what I need to do I can't help but check my phone to see if maybe he called or texted. I think mornings are the hardest for me.

 

Silent treatment is indeed a form of control and you definitely dont want to be a part of that.. lets just say, you do get back with him and even further down the line you end up marrying him. If you guys got into a fight and he didn't know how to deal with emotions, he'd shut off. Can you imagine living with that kind of treatment in the same house? Oh goodness no. Imagine having to see that person everyday and him refusing to even speak to you for days! What kind of impression would that teach your children, and imagining that, I know I'd be miserable. Everything would be on his terms! O HELL NO. We both deserve better.. lets continue to heal ourselves, we'll both get through this.

[StarlaStardust]

Mornings are the hardest for me, too! Thank you very much for your comment today. It's keeping me from texting him. Even though I feel in my bones like I've lost my soul mate or something, your comment reminds me to stay in touch with good ol' common sense. <cheese> I feel so appreciative that we can be there for each other. The internet is magical like that! </cheese>

[skyisfalling]

I'm not doing so well today I thought I was doing well but I woke up this morning realizing he is really out of my life. Its been over three weeks and he hasn't contacted me once.. He couldn't even give me the courage to tell me it was over he just left me by myself forcing me to pick up the pieces of my broken heart..

 

Why hasn't he called, how does he not miss me? I'm so sad and I thought I was making progress..feel extremely discouraged:(

[StarlaStardust]

Hey, girl. I just posted in your "I refuse to let him break me" thread.

 

Hang in there. I believe it just takes time. I'm at 2.5 months and still struggling. I know I am not destined for a life of grieving endlessly over one relationship until I die, so time will heal...

[John_ar]

Sorry for my bad english.

I think he really loves you. He is overreacting, yes. He overreacts because he loves you soooooo much! You must insist. He needs you to insist, its like a proof of love. If you really love him insist! And the first time you meet him explain him how much you suffered because he wasnt with you thoose days. And after a week or so, explain him that he overreacted, not that day, but dont take a lot of time to do it also, or he will think that he was right and will repeat it!

[skyisfalling]

Sorry for my bad english.

I think he really loves you. He is overreacting, yes. He overreacts because he loves you soooooo much! You must insist. He needs you to insist, its like a proof of love. If you really love him insist! And the first time you meet him explain him how much you suffered because he wasnt with you thoose days. And after a week or so, explain him that he overreacted, not that day, but dont take a lot of time to do it also, or he will think that he was right and will repeat it!

 

I'm sorry John, but Im going to have to disagree with you. If he really loved me, he wouldn't just disappear off the face of this planet and not even wonder how I'm doing. I've pleaded one too many times and have suffered my pride because of it. I will not put myself in that position anymore. But Thank you for your advice.

[iambookworm]

And yes, I still have fantasies that he'll come back to me, apologetic and saying he made the biggest mistake of his life.

 

Same for me. Two things, he'll realize I was the best thing since sliced bread but I will turn my back on him and say "You do not deserve me" or we work out our differences and live happily ever after (Fat chance)

 

Yeah, my ex did the same thing. Either they're cowards, or they don't want to hurt you. Maybe they want to keep us on the back burner, in case they want us back or need an ego boost. Who knows why they do it, but it happens. Stop looking to him for answers, because you will never get them. I text-bombed my ex and called him and did everything to get "closure", until i realized that it just wasn't going to happen.

Yeah, those cowards, didn't even have the balls to break up with us face to face

 

I don't mean to just jack your thread for my own, but I almost caved a minute ago and texted him: "unfortunately i still don't understand why you would end things in an email and just never speak to me again. I have been nothing but kind and respectful about this, and I want answers."

 

Some days are obviously harder than others for me. We had a beautiful connection and I did not get the respect I deserved in the end. So many questions unanswered. Argh.

Ditto.

 

*I JUST CANT UNDERSTAND HOW HE DOESN"T MISS ME ENOUGH TO CALL ME!!! (end rant)*

 

nanbullen: Im so sorry for your loss, and although your loss gave you much pain, it is somewhat relieving to know that I wasn't the only one who was put into such an unfortunate situation.

 

I'm not young- i'm 31 and I think im starting to realize that I really dont want to be alone.. more than missing him, I really dont want to be alone- did i really love him then? Last night, in the midst of my trying to not to think of him, I went on match.com/okcupid/pof and all these other dating sites just to check out some of the guys on those sites.. and OMG, the guys are sOO not the type of guys I would go for.. i keep thinking F*** this is hopeless, I'll probably be lonely forever.. it was discouraging and it made me miss my ex more.

 

Me too, I don't want to go dating again. And I hate that most of my waking hours are spend thinking about him.

 

That is inspiring.. I should trust that something AMAZING is going to come my way too, but seeing fat balding guys on match.com kinda discourages me..

 

I dont know how many times i check this site out a day. At work, I'm on this forum NONSTOP.. doing this prevents me from texting my ex so its good i guess. I'm really glad this site exists, sharing my pain with others and talking about it is really cathartic. Thanks everyone for listening.

 

Funny thing is, my ex IS a fat, balding guy! but I was never into appearances, it was his personality that drew me to him.

 

And yes, I am addicted to site this and hold on knowing that there are others who feel the way I do.

 

Haha, tell me about it. I'm 27, and I look super duper young, so the only guys approaching me in "real life" are barely old enough to drink or are pervs my age and older who look disappointed when they learn how old I really am. Online dating is kind of going to be the best bet for me to meet someone.

 

I'm 34 but I look like I am in my mid 20s. Plus, I am petite. So when I was with my ex, we looked like a dad and his daughter (he's 14 years older, but looks way older. incidentally, he looks even older than my dad, as my dad does NOT look his age hahaha)

 

And I met him online but I prefer online dating I think. I don't like it when guys approach me off the street so this is a good alternative for me.

 

Talking with friends and talking with you guys on this forum really made me realize what a unhealthy relationship this is. I dont deserve this kind of treatment, and why would I want to be with someone like this. Even if by some miracle he were to call me, there would be too much pain and suffering for me to forgive so easily. How could I trust him again? Why would I put up with such disrespect? My ex really showed his true colors in how he handled this situation and for that I should be thankful that I didn't waste another day with him.

 

Exactly! And I know I should be thankful...its my hearts that's crying.

 

...it breaks my heart to kind of know that if I "fight" for him and put my pride aside, I could maybe have him back. But this isn't the movies, if you know what I mean.

 

I think so too, but do I really want to lower my pride and just accept whatever he gives me?

 

Mornings are the hardest for me, too! Thank you very much for your comment today. It's keeping me from texting him. Even though I feel in my bones like I've lost my soul mate or something, your comment reminds me to stay in touch with good ol' common sense. <cheese> I feel so appreciative that we can be there for each other. The internet is magical like that! </cheese>

 

StarlaStardust and skyisfalling, I can so relate to both of you. Thanks for everything! Day 2 of NC and hanging in there.

 

I'm sorry John, but Im going to have to disagree with you. If he really loved me, he wouldn't just disappear off the face of this planet and not even wonder how I'm doing. I've pleaded one too many times and have suffered my pride because of it. I will not put myself in that position anymore. But Thank you for your advice.

 

Are you sure is guy is not your ex? geez.

[skyisfalling]

I got this from an older post, might be helpful information.

This is for dumpees where their ex just suddenly broke up and vanished into thin air..

 

Many people who end relationships this way very likely suffered from emotional neglect as a child and never emotionally matured into an adult. It’s like dating someone with the mind of a 5 year old child. They have the body and mental capacity of an adult but the emotional level of a child. They were emotionally neglected by their parents and never learned how to mature. Imagine a little girl playing with a toy. She throws it down for the new toy and never looks back, without any thought or compassion for the old toy. Would you expect a five year old to sit down and rationally discuss a relationship? Of course not. They are not capable and nether is your ex. They typically can not handle any type of responsibility and go through life attaching and detaching to people, never being able to truly maintain a functional long lasting mature relationship. When they hurt people, they can’t even comprehend what they have done. Does a child feel bad when they say, “I hate you?” It’s a psyche that normal functioning people can’t even understand. Many go from job to job never being able to keep one for any long period of time. Drug and alcohol abuse or other such issues are common.

 

The sudden dumping usually occurs when some dynamic within the realtionship changes. (getting married, moving in together, being confronted about the drugs or alcohol, demanding they find a job, making a committment, etc). They run scared because their partner has asked them to grow up and it terrifies them because they never learned how to grow up. So they sabotage the relationship. They close the door on you and never look back. And cruelly leave you without any answers. When someone treats you like this, it is some of the worst pain and suffering a human being can ever experience. And you have done nothing to deserve this and remember, it has nothing to do with you. Their problems are completely independent of you. Sadly, they will repeat this pattern throughout their life and never achieve true happiness with anyone. The person after you is not gonna get a better deal, trust me! You are better off without this person in your life and being a mature adult, you will be able to heal from your pain and go on and find true happiness with.

 

<http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/275415-if-you-have-been-dumped-out-blue-read>