Important Relationship Question!! Please Help!!!

[Kobefied27 II]

I love my girlfriend with all my heart. She is smart, sophisticated, ambitious, independent, beautiful everything I've ever wanted in a girl. But for some reason when she speaks about her goals, she's so excited about owning her small business and I'm excited for her too, but for some reason I dont feel genuinely excited for her. I feel like every time she talks about that it doesnt have to do with us, and I start to think that she's better than me in everything that we do. I get jealous of her, envious of her and I feel so bad feeling like this...I don't want to feel like this and this is something that has been bothering me every so often but now last night it really bothered me. I haven't told her how I felt, but man what do I do? I've run out of answers and I desperately need some help. Women like confident men, and right now I don't feel too confident and my insecurities are starting to show and I don't like that. Someone please help!

[Moose]

Get involved with it. What kind of business is it going to be? I'm sure you have a small business administration there. Get some brochures about running a small business, the paper work, the record tracking things like that. Gain some knowledge on running a small business and help her out.

 

Even try helping her come up with a logo and a slogan, have fun with it!!!! It's not a bad thing that she's ambitous and no she's not better than you at everything, can she pee standing up? Go without shaving her legs for years? Tune up a car? Come on, she's just as equal as you are. She just has a drive for something and you need to get involved with it.

 

Good Luck!!

[Varacha]

Perhaps it's due to the fact that she has had these goals since before you were in the picture. That could cause you to feel insecure due to it's her dreams not your dreams as a couple. I'd say just chill support her and be there for her, but don't let your fears ruin what could be a wonderful dream for both of you.

[Fayebelle]

Originally posted by Moose

Get involved with it. What kind of business is it going to be? I'm sure you have a small business administration there. Get some brochures about running a small business, the paper work, the record tracking things like that. Gain some knowledge on running a small business and help her out.

 

Even try helping her come up with a logo and a slogan, have fun with it!!!! It's not a bad thing that she's ambitous and no she's not better than you at everything, can she pee standing up? Go without shaving her legs for years? Tune up a car? Come on, she's just as equal as you are. She just has a drive for something and you need to get involved with it.

 

Good Luck!!

 

 

DAMN GOOD ADVICE!

 

I want to open a bed and breakfast one day and I love that my BF takes an interest in it. He says he wants to help keep the decor from being too "sissy" like so many other B&Bs. I never thought of a man's opinion of the flowers and stuff usually there.

 

But more importantly- I know he has plans to be w/me when my career dreams start coming true. He sees himself in my future.

[Moose]

Well thank you!!!! Yeah, I've got a lot of experience in small business. My brother and I run D3 Technical Services, CUSH Corp, and I'm a silent partner in a CNC programming business. If you like, check out our web sites:

 

http://www.d3technical.com

 

http://www.cushcorp.com

 

http://www.cncbartlett.com

 

Good luck you guys, it really is a blast to run your own business!!!

[Kobefied27 II]

Yeah I told her, I brought it up to her and she was so understanding. I was so glad to tell her that for the first time I was genuinely excited for her. I totally want to support her, but as far as getting involved with it, thats something she's doing with her friends and I just told her my help is out there if you need it.

 

Lately I've been feeling insecure about myself and my confidence has dropped. I get jealous more frequently when I know I shouldnt be. Its like I trust my girl, I just dont trust the guys. And I feel like she's doing things better than I am and she's the guy in this relationship. She jokes about it and I get upset to that because I think some times I feel like it's true. I wish i knew how to deal with this whole thing.

 

With me thinking like this I know I am making things a lot more complicated in this relationship, I think she's so perfect to me that I dont want to lose her and that makes me so possessive or overprotective of her. Some times I feel like I hang out with her because I don't want her to have fun without me. It makes me sad that she has fun without me.

 

Seriously, these are insecurities that I have and its bothered me a lot lately....I need help from anyone. I dont like the feeling of this....I'm seriously not a jealous guy....But after reading what I typed I guess I'm just a selfish SOB and I need to stop feeling like that.

 

Any advice? I could use it!

[Moose]

I'm sure your reading more into this than you should. I used to feel exactly the way you do and it's perfectly normal. (It's called love). I know you want to be the, "Man", in the relationship and you are. Just because she's not the delicate flower that needs constant attention and care that you desire to give her doesn't mean she doesn't have respect for you.

 

I don't really understand why she doesn't want to include you in this venture though. Or is it something that you are choosing to stay out of. I really need more information about the business. What kind of business is it going to be? If it's a beauty shop, hair care place, something to that effect or is it something that men can appreciate as well? If it is then she will need some male guidance on it, and that's where you could come in and help.

 

As far as not being able to trust men around her, well, that is something you're just going to have to live with I'm afraid. But rest assured, women view relationships in an entirely different way than us men. When they are in a happy relationship it is virtually impossible for them to cheat. Even if other men try to sway them, it is safe to say that 9.9 times out of 10, they will not go through with it. I know it's hard for you to believe that. My wife is a full blown hottie, even when she goes out with her mom or her sister-in-law I can't help thinking that she might get approached and talked into having a sexual affair with someone. She never has, and she's even told me of the opportunities she's had.

 

Now, here's the hard part, and the bad news. If you continue to be overly protective and possessive with her, you will lose her. It's going to take a lot of faith and strength on your part to ease off a bit, but if you don't the results can be disastrous. I have in securities with myself as well, and the way I deal with them is to get involved with a project that only I work on. I keep everyone away from it, it's my baby!! ( I'm working on another kit car right now ). That way, whenever the wife wants to go out with her friends, I have something to entertain my mind and I don't even think about what she could be doing. Used to be that in the past when she went out I was full of questions and accusations. Now, when she comes home and I ask if she had a good time, I'm all smiles, no jealous questions, and I usually get some too!!!

 

This is also a great way to gain confidence in yourself, cause when the project you're working is finished, you can stand back and say.....cool, I built that!!! AND, if it's impressive enough, she will even praise you on it, ( Especially if it's something she gets to use as well.)

 

I hope this helps!!!

 

Hang in there, we're all pullin' for ya!!

 

Moose

[Kobefied27 II]

Yeah I hear you loud and clear. As far as her business is concerned its something that her and 2 of her girlfriends which happen to be my closest female friends are doing together. I dont want to be part of it directly but I am all there if they need help on it. Actually its nice to see that my girlfriend has gotten so close to my close female friends. Besides it looks like its a female thing they want to do together. I'm all for that! Its actually nice to see because they are all important to me in my life and its just good to see it. But I want to open up an entirely different monster and its a sports bar and grill, so I have goals of my own I guess I just got mad because she's actually acting on hers and it made me feel like I didnt do anything...kinda jealous. Luckily I spoke to her about everything and right now it's a lot better.

 

Yeah, I remember when we first got back together I didnt feel so insecure. And I'm definitely am going to try out your way because it does make sense. Maybe I can do a model or something. I guess I'm not really over protective, but I do notice when she goes out I wish she didnt because all these visions come through my mind. Seriously I totally trust this woman and I love her for everything she is. I definitely need to work on that though.

I guess I just go in phases.

 

I do get in those moods where I was just thinking insanely things. I generally dwell on things, and I'm not much of a guy who gets depressed. Its just difficult to handle the situations some times and I figured this is what relationships are all about. I also just lost sight of having fun, I need to have that fun I try to seize the day and not worry about tomorrow because it puts me at ease and makes me feel better and more comfortable around her. Also we just got back together last month and I guess we werent ready to hang out at parties together...because I wasnt enjoying myself as much because I was so insecure, that where it all started. Besides cheating on someone just means that there was something wrong with the relationship.

 

Do you think I need so space?...I mean did you see you wife everyday before you were married?...Did you ever get irritated and nif so what did you do? I mean I love spending time with her but after a while I get a little annoyed or I just want to go home, but then I dont. ya know? In order for us to have a healthy relationship should we see each other everyday or should we give each other space....because we'll make plans and then we end up cancelling just so we can be with each other.

 

Well you've helped me a lot. Seriously its good that your married and we both want to work towards that. We've both talked about it and stuff, but thats all it is just talk and its almost like reassurance. But with my girl she's everything I want in a woman, but I question on whether I'm the right guy for her(insecurity sign)...I feel like I'm good now, but I feel like theres gonna be this one guy that totally stimulates her mind and she runs off with him like the movies. I guess I can't worry about that huh?....

 

What kind of problems did you have in your marriage and how did you manage them?

[Moose]

We didn't see each other every day before we were married, and that was tough on me. I was still in college and working a full time evening job so I really didn't have a whole lot of time to myself. We did talk to each other on a daily basis and that helped. But yeah, I think you need to get used to not being with her everyday even though it hurts to stay away. She will see the trust you have in her that way. NOTE: On the days you're not going to see her, make plans to send flowers via delivery, send her cards in the mail, my wife LOVED that!!!!

 

I did get annoyed at times with her before we were married. She used to talk about the guys she used to date, parties she's been too, things like that. Whenever I did get annoyed though, I would usually let her know what annoyed me and why. She would then ease off or stop completley. Communication is going to be your key to a healthy relationship with your girlfriend.

 

After we were married, well, where do I start? It's like she was a totally different person. She used to keep her apartment spotless and clean. Where our house was always in shambles and trashed. That was the first hurdle we had to get over. Then there was the, "Pecking order", of who's job it was to do this and what was fair to do that.....I never asked her to get a job and she hasn't had one in the whole 16 years we've been married, so naturally I didn't think it was fair for me to have to do anything at all......this is a misconception, let me be the first to warn you. Because the things she asks me to do are the things I would normally do if I were single. It's not that much to ask really but at the time I thought geeeeeeez I already work my tail off, what else does she want, right?

 

Also, after a couple of years, the sex began to be less and less frequent. But this is normal and it happens to everyone, so be prepared for that, it's nothing you'll do, it's just the nature of things. And, eventually the frequency did pick up, slow down, pick up.......

 

There will also be times when either you or her won't, "feel the love". Most of the time this ends up in divorce. This is also natural. We've learned that our marriage will fall into that trap from time to time. We purchased a book that helps us through those times. You can find it at http://www.fivelovelanguages.com . They also have a book on that site for singles such as yourself.

 

And remember, if you ever need me, you can leave me a personal message here on the forum.....I'm always glad to help!!!

 

Moose

 

Everybodies situation is different though.

[Kobefied27 II]

Man, what your saying is just awesome...totally makes sense. As a matter of fact you've made it easier for me to talk to her and have with her again. I wont see her tonight because I have class and I need to study, but we're going to go to the beach all day tomorrow and I cant wait to see her.

 

See her and I dont have yelling matches like some couples do, we have cooler heads and we talk it out. Our problem is when to talk it out...a big reason why we broke up the first time was because our communication was key...I was totally communicating but she held back and so I held it in too and then she got confused and then we broke up. She realized what she did and we got back together

 

Man, relationships are hard to maintain ... I kinda get the "if I just drop it all now I'll be fine." It would be less to worry about. Then I realize this woman changed me into a better person, and I am happy for it.

 

The times can be stressful, but the times that aren't are the most precious times we've ever had. I love this woman and I'm not afraid to say it, I used to be embarassed about it but now I feel if I feel show it.

 

But man, thanks for the advice...I'll definitely let you know how everything develops.

[amzgmanda]

I agree with Moose!!!

 

I have been with my husband for three years before we got hitched and have been married 1yr. We have delt wth all the same issues. I was a party girl and had several male friends, which caused him to drive BOTH of us insane sometimes. The key is communication and learning to trust her and yourself. Never be afraid to voice what your heart feels because this is what is going to make it or break it. Only you can decide which direction to take.

 

Also, time alone is great for both of you. It gains strength in you and your relationship. Moose is 100% correct with the tip tht as time goes on you will experiance a pick up, slow down effect and there is nothing wrong with that..

 

Count your blessings and chin up.....Good Luck.

[havNfun]

god,

once again we here about a woman insisting on keeping her "guy friends" around

and surprise as ussuall it caused problems in her relationship too.

 

Anyway,

I have a reponse brewing for the original poster of this thread - give me a bit to collect it.

[amzgmanda]

In response to Havnfun:

 

I don't think that A female has any less of a right to keep her "guy friends" than MEN have the right to keep their "girl friends". Besides i never was intimidated by his so called girl friends. But your statement, in my opinion, has nothing to do wth any of this. And no matter what, you are intitled to make an A of yourself. I won't stand in your way.

 

GOOD LUCK AGAIN.

[supermom]

god,

once again we here about a woman insisting on keeping her "guy friends" around

and surprise as ussuall it caused problems in her relationship too.

 

Hey, can you stick w/ the subject? Instead you pick up the first opportunity to disrespect someone.

 

Problems in the relationship? Excuse me but big deal, problems happen in all relationships, I've had guy friends too, its the jealous ones that get butthurt over it.

 

And dude, she is still happily married, didn't you read? Key words "I was and I had.

 

Good grief

 

once again we here someone judging without knowledge...