His kids found out...

[Mimolicious]

Mimo..it has been forever! It's good to see you back. (end of T/J)

 

Since you quoted my post...I do agree with you by the way about "their issues" meaning the marriage between MM and his BW and "the issues" that were involved. I agree with your stance 100%

 

I always hate it when an OW talks about the aforementioned marriage like she knows everything about it. I find it nauseating, actually. It is none of her business and she should leave the damaged couple alone. I am speaking generally here and not at anyone specific in my response.

 

That is why I say "let the married couple solve their issues alone. The interloper has done enough." This includes any children involved--those are also the business of the MM and the BW--to tie back to the thread topic.

 

JMO.

 

 

I get what you're saying. I just find it hilarious that when the A is at it's peek most AP want to be all ears and crying shoulder to their MP. Then when ish hits the fan- RUN FOREST RUN! All of the sudden, they should mind their business and let them sort it out. I think that if more people were less willing to be available for someone already in a M and will say this to their 'potential' AP, less affairs would take place. I know... things just happen and can't resist of finding "amazing".

 

I'm off this! Laterz! See ya in Sept!

[whichwayisup]

I agree that forgiveness, among family, is something that just HAS to come. I get that.

 

But you know OP, the infidelity thing was never as big of a deal to you as it is to his kids.

 

You get that it was wrong, you get that it hurts.

 

But there is no reason for you to think you have any grasp at all on the way they perceive it, the way it makes them feel, or the way they react.

 

And you know what? Thats OK. Its easy enough to say hey, if you really understood that it was wrong - you wouldnt have been OW. But your perspective is different now. You are not OW. You are no longer participating.

 

Lets talk about YOU!

 

I agree with this. Focus on yourself and healing/grieving the loss. Wrapping yourself up about exMM, his wife, their kids and how they handle this diaster in their lives isn't your concern nor business. Allow them to do this on their own.

 

I do feel for what youre going through as the fallout that is coming is going to be huge.

[MissBee]

But you know OP, the infidelity thing was never as big of a deal to you as it is to his kids.

 

You get that it was wrong, you get that it hurts.

 

But there is no reason for you to think you have any grasp at all on the way they perceive it, the way it makes them feel, or the way they react.

 

This is the truth and just a reality.

 

The thing is...APs may come and go...even the BS may come and go...but your parent is your parent forever.

 

An OW may move on with her life post-A and ride off into the sunset, either learning from the situation or not. But that particular MM is not someone she is forever connected to, she has the luxury of never speaking to him again and that's that. The kids have no choice. They can't just get a new dad and move on. Forgiving doesn't mean forgetting and the process of forgiving and forgetting the wrongs of a parent is very different than the process of forgiving a friend or lover.

 

Perfection has nothing to do with anything. The fact that humans are imperfect doesn't change the fact that humans have choices that have consequences and sometimes what you choose isn't erased by you being sorry. That's a reality. Sometimes your consequence is that a relationship is forever broken because of one choice. You don't get to choose your consequences unfortunately.

 

I will always love my dad as my dad. I can't get a new dad. It is what it is. But I cannot respect him and that's just a consequence of his actions. I cannot pretend that the relationship he had with my mother, the primary relationship I observed played no part in my own issues and choices. It did. I choose now as an adult to realize this and am working so hard to break certain conditioning and thinking, so I can choose better and so I offer my kids something different. I don't have to hold him blameless though. He did play a part in it...plain and simple. He has to own that, and I will certainly put it on him. But I own my part as an adult to admit where I was wronged and how I can go forward for me.

[sunflower5]

 

Oh my goodness yes. The fallout is going to be HUGE! You worked there for 10 years. Well you are going to loose it. He owns the company and his son is VP. The W and kids won't tolerate you being employed there.

My best advice...stop worrying about him, his W or his kids. Start worrying about finding a new job NOW. BEFORE you get fired.

 

If you are harboring thoughts that he is going to come running to you and live happily ever after...NOT going to happen. Even if you do end up with him it is not going to be a good situation. Those kids will hate you and make his life a living hell because of it.

[whichwayisup]

Sunflower, I will say, I read earlier that she is looking for another job. I think she knows staying there would not be healthy for her. Once this comes out and everybody at work finds out, it'll be very uncomfortable and not a good atmosphere at that place.

[eleanorrigby]

Sunflower, I will say, I read earlier that she is looking for another job. I think she knows staying there would not be healthy for her. Once this comes out and everybody at work finds out, it'll be very uncomfortable and not a good atmosphere at that place.

 

S&*t could hit the fan at any moment though. The kids might never tell, or they could tell tonight. I'm not feeling a sense of urgency about her employment.

[sunflower5]

S&*t could hit the fan at any moment though. The kids might never tell, or they could tell tonight. I'm not feeling a sense of urgency about her employment.

 

 

I agree. She needs a new job NOW. The W could find out at anytime and when that happens she could be left with NO job or one in which the work enviroment is EXTREMELY hostile.

 

I think she may be underestimating how little time she has and how bad the fallout for her is going to be.

[whichwayisup]

A new spin. The man is a proven liar. He has lied to his family for the last 8 years. He has used his children who are obviously older as pawns for not leaving. Is it possible now that the time has come that his youngest is graduating he can no longer string you along so it is time to get rid of you and once again he uses his children for that.

 

My wife can never find out demands the kids...and you feel so awful for the kids. What a perfect story to keep you from feeling dumped and being angry and telling his wife.

 

I think he's lying. Any adult child ambitious and aggressive enough to be the company VP that you work for would not hesitate to call you and say stay hell away from my family. He would not pretend it didn't exist.

 

He's lying to you. This is all a ploy to make you slink off into the sunset feeling guilty because he is never leaving and doesn't want his wife to know. Time is up. His kids are done school he needed an out. He is a proven liar for 8 continuous years.

 

This is an interesting theory actually.. Though, he never ended this, she was the one who told him it's over and deleted him off of her facebook.

[Angel1111]

Ok, I'm getting really sick of talking about this and I'm to the point where I can't even read anymore of these posts. The moderators can close this one down as far as I'm concerned. Most of the posts don't have anything to do with what I said so they don't make any sense to me.

 

Yes, 'stupid affair' opposed to abuse and molestation. Stop nit-picking at my words. All I'm saying is that an affair does not constitute rejecting a parent for the rest of your life. Yes, get pissed, it hurts, let time pass and then forgive it and move on. Tell your parent, "I don't like what you did but I still love you." Tell your friends, "My dad's life is a mess but I still love him. What can I say?" It seems you all have this rule book that everyone must live by and when they don't, you banish them from here to eternity. But you know what? My mother said this to my sister about me once: "After all she's been through, she's still so happy. Nothing ever gets her down for very long." What my mother saw in me was resilience. I guess that's what I'm trying to get across to all of you here. I'm not minimizing the pain of an affair. I'm just saying that in order to be happy in life, you need to learn to bounce back sometimes, you need to be forgiving and not be so hard on people. Yes, have high expectations and strong principles but when people fall short or fall on their faces, don't act like they can never recover, never make it right. And don't misconstrue my words. I'm not suggesting that you invite a molestor or abuser to have dinner with you. I'm just saying to keep things in perspective. Comparing the pain of an affair to the pain of sexual molestation and abuse is just too far off the mark to me.

 

Also, I never said that I was concerned about his children hating me because I think MM might come back to me. Not once did I say that. If that event occurs, I'll deal with it then, although I'm sure it'll never happen. I'm just simply concerned with them because I care about them. And I'm not exiting the situation just because it suddenly got uncomfortable. I'm removing myself from it because that's what they would want me to do. I didn't show enough respect to them in the past, but I can at least show it to them now.

[sunflower5]

His kids probly will forgive him. But it wont be for a long time. Their starting reaction is going to be fierce because of the deep betrayal they feel. Also if W falls apart over the A they are going to even be worse and take longer to forgive.

As for cutting people out of their lives for a mistake.....well no you don't. But this is not a one night stand. This wasn't a fast fling and then he woke up and realized what he was doing with his family. The A went on for 8 years (on and off). He made the decision many many times to continue betraying his family for 8 years. He made the decision everytime he met you somewhere. Everytime he called you, emailed you, or messaged you. Everytime he lied to them about where he was. It didn't just happen...it was a decision....followed by a lot more decisions...all that disrespected his wife and his kids. He is going to have to deal with all those bad decisions.

[YellowShark]

I'm just simply concerned with them because I care about them.

 

If you really cared about "the kids" why did you sleep with their father for nearly a decade? Hell you even knew them personally and *still* were banging daddy on the side. Now your only concern seems to be they aren't too hard on poor old daddy, your lover, since the cat is out of the bag.

 

Anyhow.. I too am tired of all this mental masturbation. You messed up, now you loose your "lover," AND a long-term job you really liked. Sounds like you lost just about everything in the deal.

 

Hope this thread is a lesson to those out there reading it currently in a workplace affair.

[woinlove]

Originally Posted by Angel1111

xMM says that he doesn't think he'll ever get his daughter's trust back and he is heartbroken about it.

 

I wonder if xMM actually said it like this. If so, as a parent, that sounds so incredibly self-centred. I hope xMM realizes that his daughter not trusting him is a major f*up in his parenting which could literally affect her for the rest of her entire life. It may not and I certainly hope not, but studies show that is what his actions toward his daughter have risked. Who cares if xMM feels bad he isn't trusted. He has already lived a good part of his life and he squandered one of the greatest treasures of all, being a parent, by his own choice. He should be saying I deceived my daughter for years, I've broken her trust when I should have been a trustworthy father to her, this could damage her for a long time, and though I have not been the kind of person who can be trusted for a very long time, I am going to do everything in my power to change into the type of person who can be trusted by his children. However, if xMM is like most MM, I actually expect he'll be contacting you for selfish ego-stroking sometime in the future, rather than doing what I wrote. Just my guess. Again, I hope I am wrong.

[2sunny]

Either way - his W deserves to know what is real.

 

Once I knew what happened - I made a choice!

 

My choice to end it was because I knew I deserved better than a H who would cheat on me.

 

I've not regretted my decision based on truth. If I hadn't discovered the reality I would have still been married to a cheater while wondering why he was so distracted and absent in MY life!

 

To know truth is freedom - to make decisions without that isn't right! To be guarded from that reality is betrayal from ANYONE who "knows" yet keeps it a secret!

 

My kids know the truth. They still love him - but they don't respect or trust him - he never keeps his word!

[Stephanie]

Thread closed for moderator review.