How to gain confidence???

[Joe]

Hi I just wanted to hear some suggestions on how to gain confidence. I have great confidence in my intelligence, my decision making, etc. but when it comes trying to approach women I have none. I never had been much of a dater I have only had two relationships one in high school of two weeks and my last of three years which is over. I thought I would be over this when I engaged in my last relationship I always felt confident with my ex in my life. But now I'm back where I started and I don't know why. When I see a gorgeous woman I might smile or say hi but that's it I can't introduce myself to her because I'm unconfident or scared of rejection. People always tell me how good looking I am, not just to be nice, I'm very caring, unselfish and loving. There should be no reason I can't approach a woman, my therapist even said so, but yet I can't do it. I do have a complex about my weight, I have a hard time gaining, I'm 5'9" and 148lb. But when is the last time you asked a woman out and she said no cause your too skinny, not. I wish I could be hypnotized so I could find why I feel this way because I've been trying to figure this out for many years and still can't pinpoint the problem. I hoping that your suggestions might ring a bell to what the problem might be, I have no idea.

 

Thanks,

 

Joe

[Tony T]

You have plenty of confidence BUT a great deal of fear of rejection.

 

What you need are good mathematical skills. So here we go:

 

Say, you approach 10 women during the course of an evening. Five of them turn their head away, three of them tell you they are seeing someone, one of them tells you she has AIDS and has only a week to live...that's leaves one more and she will talk to you as long as you want, walk out with you, let you walk her to her car and she gives you her phone number.

 

You also have to understand clearly that the lady who was receptive to you probably turned her head or otherwise rejected lots of guys before you came along. Not only did you score here but you made her very happy as well. So, into your equation you have to plug in the fact that one out of every ten single ladies you are attracted to you are just waiting for YOU to be attracted to them.

 

Ok. To calculate your percentage of success, we take 1 and divide it by 10 or 10/1 and we come up with .1 or .10 which is a ten percent success rate. Now we consider that you can only date one person at a time, so actually for the time you spent, say three hours, you had a 100 percent success rate because you were able to find ONE lady interested in you and vice versa...and that's all you really wanted. Had you left her at her car, gone back, and done this again, you would have in essence has a 200 percent success rate.

 

So you have to get over your fear of failure and rejection. If your failure rate is above 90 percent, that only means in will take just a few more days for you to find someone nice to go out with. But say your failure rate remains 90 percent per week...that you are only able to meet one girl per every ten tries per week, you will have 52 ladies per year to date once.

 

OK, so you have to get over this fear of rejection. Keep a calculator with you and each time you approach a girl and she looks the other way, tells you she has a boyfriend, or advises you she is dying of AIDS, put that in your calculator's memory. Now, sometimes the first, second or third girl you approach will be receptive to you. Ask her to hold on one minute while you enter her into your calculator...that one goes into the success column. Now, each time you have a success, figure you have to go through nine failures before your next success.

 

However, each time you are successful you will obviously feel much better and each time you are rejected you will feel much less worse. Eventually, you will be ecstatic about being rejected because you will be able to calculate with reasonable accuracy just how soon you will be successful.

 

At the end of each month, calculate the amount of money you spent to find each of your successes and divide it by the amount of money you will have to spend on each before you make a decision to settle in a permanent relationship with one of them. Take that, multiply it by 1.3 and be sure you put that amount of money in reserve.

 

Understand that failure is part of the equation in life. If you got accepted by every chick you approached, you would NEVER settle on any of them. I mean you would go from one to the other to the other. You would go crazy. Your calculator would stop functioning, you would go broke, and you would never be happy because you would always worry if the next one might be was nicer, prettier, smarter, more accepting, more intelligent, etc.

 

So there's a lot to be said for this process being a little difficult and sometimes discouraging. It's kind of meant to be that way. For love to be meaningful at all...for us to appreciate it and value it...we have to be trashed a few times or even a lot of times...laughed at...have heads turned away from us, dumped, rejected, sliced up, diced, dusted, etc., once in a while.

 

But when we ultimately find that one dream lady, we can send our calculator back to Texas Instruments and tell them to donate it to some other lonely guy who thinks he lacks self confidence...but what he really is in want of is to get rid of his fear of rejection and to gain sufficient mathematical knowledge to plan for success through odds.

 

NOW, BY THE AUTHORITY VESTED IN ME BY LOVESHACK.ORG AND ALL OTHER APPROPRIATE GOVERNING AGENCIES, NATIONAL AND INTERNATIONAL, I HEREBY CONFER UPON YOU A FULL MEASURE OF CONFIDENCE, A TOTAL ABSENCE OF FEAR OF REJECTION, AND THE REQUIRED MATHEMATICAL KNOWLEDGE FOR YOU TO FIND THE LADY OF YOUR DREAMS.

 

PROCLAIMED THIS 12TH (TWELFTH) DAY OF OCTOBER, 2000:

 

TONY

[Kelly]

Hey,

 

My ex bf was 5'10 and 150 lbs so the weight thing isn't an issue. Do you know you are goodlooking, smart, nice and loving? If you know you, you honestly have to learn to take chances, rejection is nothing but a learning experience..not to try to pick up the same girl again..that's all. It is also a screening process...as they say, on to the next. Self-confidence comes from the mind and heart. Also having faith in yourself that if a girl says no to you...are you honestly going to fall to the floor and die, I don't think so. I must say that confidence can be smelled a mile away, the way a man moves, speaks and carries himself, if you can master that and recognize that taking chances is what is going to get you somewhere with someone, you'll be fine.