Is he interested? Should I ask him out or just stay cool?

[belocchoc129]

So there was this one guy in my class that I'm really interested in. He had class with me last quarter. After meeting him the first time (we had each other's numbers because we needed to work on the same project), I started texting him to ask questions. And he agreed to go on a lunch break with me (we ran into his friend so this basically didn't count). Then I started texting some more and it took him really long to respond. So I asked if I was bothering him and he said I wasn't he just didn't text too much and didn't pay attention to his phone (I did notice that he never played with his phone while doing homework and even when he was waiting for me in front of the library doing nothing, it still took him...10 minutes to reply) so I just stopped texting him.

So thought it was over until I saw him...again this quarter in another class. I said hi and he followed me into class and we sat next to each other (therefore was assigned to the same group). I'm really a shy and chicken type of girl and I got real nervous just to start conversation with him. So the quarter was going on and on, and we still didn't talk much (he did agree to work on homework with me a couple of times though I thought they were pretty easy and we could just do it by ourselves). I kinda got a feeling that he was nervous too (when there were only two of us, he kept touching his hair and got fidgety a lot). I don't know if it's right but I just felt like the way he looked at me and the way he smiled, there's something different. So in our group there was this one girl who was very talkative and liked to ask questions. Therefore I found out that he doesn't have any gf yet. Long story short, his birthday was coming up. A week before, he texted me to ask if I happened to keep his pencil (seems like he really likes this pencil). I said no and so I got him the same pencil since he lost it. I also wrote a card and a poem (I tried to make it casual but also showed some interest but I'm not sure if he understands). So it took me a week after the actual birthdate to give it to him (how chicken I am!). And I also told him that I was really nervous whenever he's around therefore I was being chicken and did'nt give it to him on his actual birthdate (he was blushing and smiled when I said it). Then later a girl in group told me that he showed her the card and she also commented that it was very cute and it's so nice of me but didn't ask if I liked him. From then he didn't really text or ask me out so I figured I should just give up (still what confused me was he could easily talk to anyone in the group but when it came to me, he seemed nervous and at loss of words...). Then on the final date, I asked him if he wanted to sell his book to me. He said yes but it was expensive so I didn't wanna buy it. He then said sorry he would just let me borrow it but he needed the money so he had to sell it. He then offered to give me another book for free. So we met after the final and I asked what he was up to. He said he had to go meeting his friends to plan for a road trip. I was disappointed so I said 'I was gonna ask if you want to hang out but since you have to go so...' He then started scratching his head...sort of blushing then lingering for a while and said 'But I have to go....' Then we were both silent. So I asked if he's taking a class that I'm taking in the summer. He said yes then smiled and seemed happy that we're gonna be in the same class again.

Seems to me that he's not too interested. So should I try again when I see him in class or should I just give up?

[storm007]

I am old school, but I do know this, never ask a guy out, let him ask you, it does not matter, how you feel, if he got the right vibes then you have to use some restraint. it will be worth it.

[jeffmeyers]

I am old school, but I do know this, never ask a guy out, let him ask you, it does not matter, how you feel, if he got the right vibes then you have to use some restraint. it will be worth it.

 

As a guy, I think this is bad advice in general.

 

Some guys are awkward, will not make the right move and will sabotage their chances. Waiting for things to happen can lead to... nothing.

 

I must admit I've had girls make moves on me, girls I was not attracted to in the slightest, and I just wanted to run away. On the other hand, some other girls did the same, girls I had not noticed before and/or didn't think they saw me this way, and I gave them a chance.

 

The guy described in the OP is a bit difficult to read, but I don't think he wants to avoid the girl. That's a good sign.

[gskyo]

I think you should just do your best to hint that you're available and dont mind going out with him.

 

Asking a guy out has never worked for me, regardless of how interested he actually appears to be. Once I do that, everything goes south... I don't understand it :/

[jeffmeyers]

I think the key is not appearing desperate.

 

Asking a guy you barely know to go out with him might be awkward. I'd be suspicious of any girl like that, thinking she has some hidden agenda or something.

 

But if there's a guy you get along with and he actually chooses to spend time with you, he must like you in some way. I don't even think you actually need to ask him out, but you can veer conversations into that territory and see where it goes.

[belocchoc129]

Thanks for all the advice guys. So towards first day of school, I asked if I could borrow another book and he said yes (saved me 100 bucks). Then first day of class, he walked in and I was sitting by myself. He didnt even say anything and just came sit with his friend (I assumed he mustve forgotten about the book thing and so I should move on). Then at the end, he came say hi (finally) and gave me the book to my surprise. So I walked with him and his friend then his friend left. And we ended up spending some time walking and talking. It was so awkward though. He was saying something like 'we should go out (of campus) and do stuff because I suggested going to library' but when I asked 'what you wanna do'. He appeared to be so awkward and said 'I don't know'. Oh boy this guy just drove me crazy cause I can't understand if he's interested or not. So we ended up walking around the school and just sat down and talked for an hour (sort of an awkward talk cause I was freaking nervous and I noticed he seemed to be nervous too). I noticed he was looking down or sideways (I knew he was staring at me when I wasn't looking that one time) and could only hold eyes contact for a short time then looked sideways again. He kept clicking the watermelon seeds even though he wasn't eating at all. He didn't appear to want to leave and of course I didnt' wanna leave but it was so awkward I got nothing else to say so finally I decided to leave. On Wednesday, I texted him saying I went mountain biking today and I loved it and that I was gonna get a bike and we should hang out (cause he's really into biking). He didn't respond and on Thursday he walked out of class with his friend and completely ignored me. Should I just take it that he wasn't interested so I can move on without thinking about it?

[jeffmeyers]

It's not looking good, I'm sorry.

[Lexval]

I feel so related to your story. I have a guy like this at work and it's really frustrating. Sometimes you get the vibe he likes you and you move, but then he runs away. Sometimes he says something also, I take his word, he forgets and I get mad No advance, no way back...

[belocchoc129]

Yeah I know, guys are so confusing. And if I don't see him anymore, I'll be able to move on but the thing is I keep seeing him...every quarter so I feel like it would be so dump if I don't even try. But how much should I try or I'm not even sure if he understands at all since this guy seems incredibly shy. Even a casual playful touch could give him an electronic shock or something. But now that I really don't know what to do. He can't stick around to do hw and I don't have the guts to ask him to hang out. So I'll just let it go with the flow...well if it's meant to be I believe the chance will come. If it's not, just time to move on

[Lexval]

I understand. Last week, I pushed my guy pressing my hands on his back. He looked at me as I was trying to steal something from him.

Yes, I recently came to that realization. Letting things flow may be the wisest decision although it is not the easier one and even more when they are so little... responsive

[belocchoc129]

yeah I know right? Every time I see him I couldn't help thinking 'oh god I still think he's so cute. I gotta do something' but I'm just a little bit less chicken than him so basically waiting for things to happen from him can...lead to nothing. It's just confusing me that if he doesn't like me why needs to be that intimidating when talking to me (he didn't appear that way when talking to other people). But if he does like me why hasn't he made any moves or at least showed any signs? I'm not gonna expect him to make a move at all even if he likes me (and I'm not even sure if he does) so if I"m 100% sure he does I won't mind initiating things but it's just gonna be more awkward if he doesn't and we keep having classes together. So there were times I just wanted to scream to his face 'Would you go out with me, check yes or no so I can move on cause I'm tired of this' but I know for sure I can't do that. So I guess all we can do now is just...waiting and see where things lead us to. Hopefully the right chance will appear at the right time.

[jeffmeyers]

yeah I know right? Every time I see him I couldn't help thinking 'oh god I still think he's so cute. I gotta do something' but I'm just a little bit less chicken than him so basically waiting for things to happen from him can...lead to nothing. It's just confusing me that if he doesn't like me why needs to be that intimidating when talking to me (he didn't appear that way when talking to other people). But if he does like me why hasn't he made any moves or at least showed any signs? I'm not gonna expect him to make a move at all even if he likes me (and I'm not even sure if he does) so if I"m 100% sure he does I won't mind initiating things but it's just gonna be more awkward if he doesn't and we keep having classes together. So there were times I just wanted to scream to his face 'Would you go out with me, check yes or no so I can move on cause I'm tired of this' but I know for sure I can't do that. So I guess all we can do now is just...waiting and see where things lead us to. Hopefully the right chance will appear at the right time.

 

How attractive do you honestly think you are? Are you the kind of girl who has several guys lining up for you? Do you see yourself as average with some months of being alone and then finding a bf or are an awkward girl, usually celibate and perhaps one guys can smell the desperation from? I'm not asking these questions to make fun of you, but if putting the moves on this difficult to read guy if and only you can be fairly confident he's interested in you, I think asking yourself these questions is relevant.

 

There's usually some chance of rejection asking someone out you barely know. If you can't deal with that possibility then quite frankly, move on.

[belocchoc129]

I honestly don't know how attractive I am. I guess beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. Some guys told me I'm cute. Some guys asked me out but not like several guys are lining up for me or anything. And for your information, both me and him are engineering majors. I don't think he has ever dated anyone before cause I remember on Valentine's day when we were walking past some free hug people, a girl offered to give him a free hug and he looked so freaked out. I also noticed he never initiated conversations with anyone in class. Sometimes he just sat alone and stayed away from people. I actually told him I wanted to hang out with him that one time, he was blushing and looked really awkward but at that moment, he had to leave so when we saw each other again, I didn't feel like asking again since I assumed that if he really liked me, he would've already asked.

[NYC-BigKat]

I am old school, but I do know this, never ask a guy out, let him ask you, it does not matter, how you feel, if he got the right vibes then you have to use some restraint. it will be worth it.

 

I disagree with this. Girls need to do some asking now 'cause guys always do the asking & we tired of rejections. The power balance is equal now so girls need to really really stop sucking up to this old tradition.

[bobsmith76]

Beloc,

 

I say go for it. There have been many women that I was not interested in but when they pursued me I couldn't resist and I ended up liking them. You can get what you want so much easier if you go after it. There have also been many occasions where I said to myself: I'm not going to make a move, but if she does something I won't resist. The girls rarely do anything, but the point is a lot of men think like that.