Author PissOfMind Posted June 11, 2012 Author Share Posted June 11, 2012 assclown, LOL! I need to think how to translate it into my native language, because this nickname is absolutely magnificent! You say there is no set time. I am aware of that, bur every now and then I catch myself analysing something that should have been forgotten a long time ago. I've had my ups and downs for the last 6 months. Strangely, the very beginning was easier. I have the feeling that back then I coped with reality much more effectively than now! Instead of moving forward I am still thinking about something I shouldn't give a monkey's about and it makes me feel totally embarassed. 6 months of NC and now I have become almost paranoid with him still having my book and not responding to my polite and ultra-brief request to send it back. See, on the one hand I say that I don't blame myself for anything, on the other hand I still waste my energy on this hopeless case. And no, I have no secret hope to ever "resuscitate" our "relationship" since I still remember how painful and frustrating it was to get my ass kicked repeatedly even before he disappeared. Still, I am stubborn and can't let go until I manage to explain some things to myself. I know I should give up this idea, but this is the biggest challenge! Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 You want answers because you want him to validate you. If he answers you will feel as though you meant something to him. The more he ignores you, the more he reinforces your feelings of what you meant to him, which is nothing. And it bugs you to hell because you want YOU to mean something to him. You are not getting the reaction you are hoping for so you can't stand it. It's normal to analyze here and there but you have to counter those thoughts with what you know. It's about reprogramming your mind. When you dwell on a question or a thought, snap out of it. Get intouch with what you know. What is the reality of him? Does it matter that you have answers? He pissed on you. That should be all you need to hold on to. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PissOfMind Posted June 11, 2012 Author Share Posted June 11, 2012 I thought about it and I have to agree with you again- this whole "validation" thing is certainly there, but in some weird form I guess, becaue I don't need his approval to feel good about myself and it has never been the case! Again, it's a bit embarassing, but I guess I simply can't stand the thought that he got away with it, just like that. He did what he did, probably feeling no remorse whatsoever, and still being manipulative. I am not a person who seeks revenge, but it's just incredibly exasperating that such people mess with other people, give them hope, behave as though everything was great and then poof- no explanation, no nothing, just escape and yet they can still sleep well at night. Yes, I know that only time will help me get rid of this aggression and resentment, I only wish it happened sooner. Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted June 11, 2012 Share Posted June 11, 2012 I thought about it and I have to agree with you again- this whole "validation" thing is certainly there, but in some weird form I guess, becaue I don't need his approval to feel good about myself and it has never been the case! Again, it's a bit embarassing, but I guess I simply can't stand the thought that he got away with it, just like that. He did what he did, probably feeling no remorse whatsoever, and still being manipulative. I am not a person who seeks revenge, but it's just incredibly exasperating that such people mess with other people, give them hope, behave as though everything was great and then poof- no explanation, no nothing, just escape and yet they can still sleep well at night. Yes, I know that only time will help me get rid of this aggression and resentment, I only wish it happened sooner. The best revenge is living well. And I had the chance to exhibit that with Assclown 2. He walked away unscathed but you walk away with a valuable lesson. You just need time to grasp it and realize that it's a blessing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PissOfMind Posted June 12, 2012 Author Share Posted June 12, 2012 And I had the chance to exhibit that with Assclown 2. He walked away unscathed but you walk away with a valuable lesson. Do you mean that he reappeared once you came to terms with the reality and his "assclownishness"? Maybe that's the pattern- coming back when you are healed and not interested anymore? Link to post Share on other sites
Tiera D Posted June 12, 2012 Share Posted June 12, 2012 Geegirl i am unable to understand is silent treatment not the same as NC?they seem to have the same nature although used with not the same purpose,please enlighten me TD Link to post Share on other sites
Author PissOfMind Posted June 12, 2012 Author Share Posted June 12, 2012 I'd say there is a difference- NC is when you want to kinda set yourself free, get out of stuck or break a toxic pattern. Disappearing is to avoid resposibility for your actions. I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted June 12, 2012 Share Posted June 12, 2012 Geegirl i am unable to understand is silent treatment not the same as NC?they seem to have the same nature although used with not the same purpose,please enlighten me TD NC is used by the dumpee as a tool to help you detach and heal from a situation that isn't good for you. The silent treatment is used by the dumper as a mainpulation tactic. A form of emotional abuse whereby a partner uses it to make you feel devalued, unimportant, absent from their thoughts. That in turn causes turmoil and confusion in the other person's mental and emotional thinking. It's a form of control. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author PissOfMind Posted June 12, 2012 Author Share Posted June 12, 2012 Geegirl, speaking about showing your assclown that you live well...Do you mean that he reappeared once you came to terms with the reality and his "assclownishness"? Maybe that's the pattern- coming back when you are healed and not interested anymore? Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted June 12, 2012 Share Posted June 12, 2012 Geegirl, speaking about showing your assclown that you live well...Do you mean that he reappeared once you came to terms with the reality and his "assclownishness"? Maybe that's the pattern- coming back when you are healed and not interested anymore? He reappeared many times while I was trying to heal but I never gave in eventhough I was hurting. I kept reminding myself of who he was and the reality of things. Months later I was getting over him and he would still text, and I never responded as I was not phased by it anymore. I did always feel like a loser that he saw me at my worst during the break-up. It's as if he won. It ate at me. A year later, I was having drinks with a friend and lo and behold he was there with his new girlfriend. I looked like a million bucks, at least that's how I felt. He came running back about how he should not have let me go. He knows I have moved on to someone else but he still reaches out. I am cordial with him as we live close to each other and I often see him but it feels good to know that he has no effect on me whatsoever. They come back when they have no prospects, when they're bored, when they're melancholy, when they're curious, when they're looking for an ego boost. Various reasons. The only thing that matters is that when they do, you ignore and you push forward towards finding your way to living well, no matter how much it pains you to get there. Link to post Share on other sites
Tiera D Posted June 13, 2012 Share Posted June 13, 2012 Thank you i am enlightened now TD Link to post Share on other sites
Author PissOfMind Posted July 2, 2012 Author Share Posted July 2, 2012 Surprise, surprise! After a few months he sent me my book back. I didn't even need to remind him of it ( and did not intend to). Received it yesterday. I didn't expect him to be that decent;P Of course, he offered me no apology for his silent treatment, apparently he thinks that all that needs to be done is to send my stuff back. Which is fine with me, btw. I hope that he's at least a bit ashamed of what he's done. Obviously, I'm not going to thank him for sending me my own stuff. I'm kinda glad that there will be no excuse to get in touch ever again (either for me, or for him), but you were right, there are still questions that will remain unanswered ( why in hell didn't he apologise? stuff) and anger is still there. Actually, I'm not going to do anything about it. I will just wait until this whole story becomes funny to me. So, that's it;P 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author PissOfMind Posted November 1, 2012 Author Share Posted November 1, 2012 Just a quick update. Today I posted on my fanpage wall that I am finally going on a trip to Japan, the one that I have always dreamt about. Me and my ex were supposed to fly there together,but right before we booked the tickets,the coward just switched on the silent treatment mode. And shazam, there comes HIS comment: "I want a postcard! It's simply unbelievable that after almost a year of NC he dares to exhibit his sick sense of humour in such a way. After so much time I can say that I have done a good job trying to get over him, but I still can't belive how he can be so shameless. I was so curious to hear why in hell he did that , that I messaged him simply saying "what a jerk". His response was, " I couldn't help myself..but you know, I didn't do this to irritate you..cos this topic is, I mean, it was touchy.." I finished the coversation asap and have no need to get back to it but I am still shocked. What the hell does he think? Have you ever experienced anything similar? ( I think we should start a new thread " Most outrageous tricks pulled by the exes") Link to post Share on other sites
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