aMguilts Posted June 26, 2013 Share Posted June 26, 2013 you have in you to be whatever you want to be i see the `just venting` but your not you are still not got over anything? yes you are right by now, you should be past this whats stopping you? whats holding you back? aM Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted June 26, 2013 Share Posted June 26, 2013 Have you practiced acceptance yet? Or are you still fighting it? DO your step work!!! ALL the steps! You're SO concerned with YOUR feelings it's gross! Start helping others! And quit handing her all YOUR power - I think you have evidence it makes you miserable - yet you keep choosing to do things that way! Your going about it backwards. Now you've wasted almost 1-1/2 years being miserable. When do YOU plan to CHANGE the way YOU are doing things? It's up to YOU to change yourself! Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted June 26, 2013 Share Posted June 26, 2013 2sunny again stop with all the step stuff!!! maybe he really doesn`t believe in all that crap??? thats the trouble wiith the `steps` you are on about maybe he doesn`t believe in the certain diety that the AA tries to force on everyone?? do this do that believe in this and ALL will be ok???? oh please just hear the guy for once without forcing anything on him are you his mother? give the guy a break from all your religous pious words aM Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted June 26, 2013 Share Posted June 26, 2013 2sunny again stop with all the step stuff!!! maybe he really doesn`t believe in all that crap??? thats the trouble wiith the `steps` you are on about maybe he doesn`t believe in the certain diety that the AA tries to force on everyone?? do this do that believe in this and ALL will be ok???? oh please just hear the guy for once without forcing anything on him are you his mother? give the guy a break from all your religous pious words aM There's not one thing about the steps being "religious". It ALLOWS him room to find anyway HE chooses to find a way to be happy - and to share THAT with others. IF his way was looking all happy for him - I wouldn't suggest this path of growth for him - but he's not happy. You have better suggestions for him? He's handed HER ALL HIS POWER. How do you suggest he take back the power he's handed her for way too long? Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted June 26, 2013 Share Posted June 26, 2013 the AA steps are all religious so i really dont see how you can say that they are not?!! and that is REFLECTED in the way you use caps in your reply! You have better suggestions for him? He's handed HER ALL HIS POWER. How do you suggest he take back the power he's handed her for way too long? so all you can suggest EVER to him is to his `steps` and EVERYTHING will turn out ok ?? aM Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted June 26, 2013 Share Posted June 26, 2013 He's handed HER ALL HIS POWER. ? errr when did this happen? maybe it was he said `i do` was it then? i`m really hitting my head on a wall here cos i really dont think it was then or maybe it was the point after? the point of the pointy stick that is close to your eye 2sunny? aM Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted June 27, 2013 Share Posted June 27, 2013 Ok then - just stay just the way you are... See what it brings you... Be the victim of yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted July 9, 2013 Author Share Posted July 9, 2013 First off I havent been on in a bit and didnt even know you guys replied..I posted and checked back a few times but seen no replies so I stopped looking..Guys (Sunny & Mcquilts) Dont argue over this sh&t.... Everyone has their own way that they feel is best.. No ones way is better then the others its just how it works for you... Moving on...I really need some advice from someone in the states preferably NY...I do not know how much longer I can go on like this without my license! I'm getting to the point to just completely give the f@@k up! I realize I did this but past is past! this new law screws everyone who has 3 dwi's or more to never get their licenses again unless of course you are a judges son or a cop who gets away with driving drunk cause he doesnt get DWI's! Alittle background here....2008 I was charged and convicted of my 3rd DWI..I was sentenced to 16 weekends in jail...Fines up the a$$ and 5 years probation...I did outpatient programs as well as AA... I started to try to retain my license maybe 2-1/2 years into probation but probation denied me the ability to file...Finally in 2012 I went over probations head and went directly to the judge in which he granted me the ability to file for my license as he himself said 4 years is long enough.. I filed in 2012 but the DMV held my application due to a pending new law (THanks Cuomo you piece of sh@t!) that was due to be instated in Sept of 2012...The new law stated that anyone with 3 DWI convictions will NEVER be able to get their license again! Probation held me from filing just long enough for Cuomo and all his genius to present this new law and the DMV held my and many others applications prior to the law coming out..Once the law came out they denied everyone! Myself and many others believe this law to be very unfair and many are fighting it..I have spoken to lawyers who said there is nothing you can do unless the law changes and I spoke to my lawyer who wants a $5000 retainer which may cost me over $10,000 all togather with no guarantees! I cant afford this and its insane to spend possibly over 10,000 for no guarantees! So if there is anyone on this board with some advice for me I would appreciate it! As for handing my wife my power those days are over...I am now on little to no contact with her as much as possible...Day by day its easier without her! I am struggling with my own issues and demons right now that have nothing to do with her! I feel my life absolutely SUCKS! All I do is leave my house at 4:15am each morning to get home at 6pm...I get myself to the gym and AA as much as I possibly can but time is very restricted being I try to be in bed by 9:30 pm.. I feel like all my life consists of is working, taking care of my house! I am not very happy! You guys may think its not a big deal but its always easy to judge looking threw the window at someone elses life cause its not your own. But its not an easy thing to deal with not having a license to get around and having to depend on everyone else to get things done so you can move forward...Christ! I cant even take a girl out on a date! Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted July 9, 2013 Share Posted July 9, 2013 You state that you did the AA program - yet previously you said you didn't do all your steps. The programs is the step work (all 12 steps) which is never supposed to end. So which is it? You can't do both. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted July 9, 2013 Author Share Posted July 9, 2013 You state that you did the AA program - yet previously you said you didn't do all your steps. The programs is the step work (all 12 steps) which is never supposed to end. So which is it? You can't do both. I didnt specify anything..I said I did a outpatient program which was required of my by probation and I was also going to AA at the same time.. outpatient was twice a week..I was going to AA the other days Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted July 9, 2013 Share Posted July 9, 2013 (edited) I didnt specify anything..I said I did a outpatient program which was required of my by probation and I was also going to AA at the same time.. outpatient was twice a week..I was going to AA the other days Thanks for the clarification. Given the new laws you may need to accept not getting your license back. Acceptance is the key to all my problems today. Page 449 Edited July 9, 2013 by beach Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted July 9, 2013 Share Posted July 9, 2013 Guys (Sunny & Mcquilts) Dont argue over this sh&t.... I feel like all my life consists of is working, taking care of my house! I am not very happy! You guys may think its not a big deal but its always easy to judge looking threw the window at someone elses life cause its not your own. But its not an easy thing to deal with not having a license to get around and having to depend on everyone else to get things done so you can move forward...Christ! I cant even take a girl out on a date! someone please tell me when it was i turned into a scot? Mcguilts.... quite like it:rolleyes: We`re not arguing, well at least i`m not, we`re in a debate about the best way to kick your ass into thinking beyond the box and trying to help you the best we can, i guess YOUR life consists of just working and taking care of the house? well that puts you in the same boat as most ppl that is all life consists of i`m afraid work to live work to live i really envy the ppl that live to work but then again, they must know something we don`t:lmao: in bold this has always been a major thorn in your side you have always and still do think that your life would be soooo much better if you got your license back?? why? would it? would you have dates if you got your license back? aM© 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted July 10, 2013 Author Share Posted July 10, 2013 someone please tell me when it was i turned into a scot? Mcguilts.... quite like it:rolleyes: We`re not arguing, well at least i`m not, we`re in a debate about the best way to kick your ass into thinking beyond the box and trying to help you the best we can, i guess YOUR life consists of just working and taking care of the house? well that puts you in the same boat as most ppl that is all life consists of i`m afraid work to live work to live i really envy the ppl that live to work but then again, they must know something we don`t:lmao: in bold this has always been a major thorn in your side you have always and still do think that your life would be soooo much better if you got your license back?? why? would it? would you have dates if you got your license back? aM© Of course it would be so much better! Its called freedom even to drive to the grocery store, the gym, or even jumping on the highway to clear your head without having to depend on anyone else to do it with me..As for dates..Absolutely! I met a girl the other day from craigslist believe it or not..Nice looking girl seemed to have her sh@t together..I told her about my license situation and that was the end of that... Many women dont want a guy without a car..They like chivalry..They like the man to take charge and pick them up with their car and take them somewhere nice...Not many women are into the opposite where they have to be the knight in shining armor picking their man up with their car! lol... Its nice to sugar coat things at times to make ourselves feel better in ****ty situations but the truth is the truth..Its not a life or death thing but it surely sucks without it! Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted August 6, 2013 Author Share Posted August 6, 2013 Hey guys..Hope all are better then me! I spoke to the ex a few weeks ago..She had some business issues to discuss with me minor stuff..We went out for coffee and were talking nice to eachother.. She then hits me with that she went to the Dr. and he said her heart is getting weak! I then broke down and told her I still loved her and that I miss her sometimes..She replied, I miss you sometimes to and that loe was never a problem..She then said maybe one day we will go out on a date. I told her if we do its gonna be on the weekend. I didnt tell her this but my reason being is that I am not going to accept a ****ty weeknight..If she wants it she will have to give up her friends and whoever to spend time with me.. Anyway that was two weeks ago! I know Im an idiot for telling her I still love her and should have just told her that I am here for her if she needs anything instead..But whats done is done. I have gone threw so much crap the past 1-1/2 years in my head, not feeling like I measure up, that Im not good enough and had tons and tons of brain chatter! This is all finally subsiding but I cannot seem to get that hurt out of my chest! The pain is still there! I cant understand whats up with that! How long did it take some of you guys to finally feel atleast 80% better and over the hurt! I have been looking to meet other women cause at this time I think its time but I have been looking for a while and there seem to be just so many flakes out there or its something I am doing wrong! I dont know but it really gets you down! I see her moving on with her life going out having a good time and YES I am jealous! Sorry but it seems all I have are friends that want to come over for poker night..They are all married or in LTR's and dont have the need to get out and find someone.. Im just really frustrated! So now I have not only this crap on my mind still but the well being of my ex..If something would happen to her the kids and I would be devistated..I feel like just telling her to come home and let me take care of her but I know its not the right thing to do and I dont want to be played for a sap either..Any words of advice? Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted August 6, 2013 Share Posted August 6, 2013 She then hits me with that she went to the Dr. and he said her heart is getting weak! I then broke down and told her I still loved her and that I miss her sometimes..She replied, I miss you sometimes to and that love was never a problem..She then said maybe one day we will go out on a date. I told her if we do its gonna be on the weekend. I didnt tell her this but my reason being is that I am not going to accept a ****ty weeknight..If she wants it she will have to give up her friends and whoever to spend time with me.. Anyway that was two weeks ago! I know I'm an idiot for telling her I still love her and should have just told her that I am here for her if she needs anything instead..But whats done is done. Why would she want to trust you Hurts? Of course she misses you...she's working through all those years too just like you, she's working through a lot and with heart problems..but we are right back here about what Hurts wants and can't have?? I'd like to know the in-between of that conversation where she extended an olive branch but you laid down your ultimatums (as if you have any). It really gets ugly when you get to the point where you are jealous, possessive and angry doesn't it? Everyone has choices in life....you have to learn to live with them...it's an ugly truth for everyone here on LS no matter the situation. 12 steps....and you really haven't done them...if you had, you would be posting on other people's posts instead of just sticking to your own.....You can't help yourself until you help others. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted August 10, 2013 Share Posted August 10, 2013 Hurts Sorry to say but trippi is right I'm going to ignore the 12 steps bit thou I guess it doesn't matter what I put You won't ever listen or heed Never have done.never will Not just from me but everyone that replies to you She's again thrown you some bait And again you've bitten it I really don't know what to say to you anymore Has she filled yet? If not why not?????? Am Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted August 11, 2013 Share Posted August 11, 2013 Why would she want to trust you Hurts? Of course she misses you...she's working through all those years too just like you, she's working through a lot and with heart problems..but we are right back here about what Hurts wants and can't have?? I'd like to know the in-between of that conversation where she extended an olive branch but you laid down your ultimatums (as if you have any). It really gets ugly when you get to the point where you are jealous, possessive and angry doesn't it? Everyone has choices in life....you have to learn to live with them...it's an ugly truth for everyone here on LS no matter the situation. 12 steps....and you really haven't done them...if you had, you would be posting on other people's posts instead of just sticking to your own.....You can't help yourself until you help others. I wish I could like this post three times. It's true - when I'm helping others - there's no way to feel sorry for myself. And I could feel sorry for myself for a lot of reasons - but I'm grateful to be alive and I'm happy I've changed everything in my life. Gratitude helps - but helping others works best. If nothing changes - you can expect more of the same. What are you planning to change that you CAN? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted August 11, 2013 Share Posted August 11, 2013 Has she filled yet? If not why not?????? Am That's a really good question right there too..... Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted August 11, 2013 Share Posted August 11, 2013 Without even needing to make that much effort - why don't you agree to post helpful advice here on 50 threads? Try reaching out to OTHERS - you can start from the convenience of your own computer. Not much effort! See other people's struggles. Show some compassion. Offer your experience and perspective - you can't do it wrong if you read carefully and offer assistance from an unemotional angle. Do random acts of kindness (anonymously, if possible) for people throughout your day. When was the last time you took out/in your neighbors trash cans? Offered to pick up something when you get that ride to the market? Offered to walk, or run, someone's dog? Helped an old person or a woman with a small child? Volunteered at any organization or old folks home? Random acts of kindness anonymously are some of my favorite things to do! It makes me happy! I can't feel too sorry for myself when I'm looking around to help someone. Get busy helping - you won't have time to worry about yourself and that pity party that has demands for what you need. If you find yourself needing a ride - hire and pay a driver. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted August 18, 2013 Author Share Posted August 18, 2013 To answer your question why she hasnt filed...We got legally seperated last year around Oct or NOV...From what I understand, I could go get the divorce anytime with my lawyer for another $1200 but my lawyer was hired from Brooklyn when I was living there and if she fights it he will not be able to be my attorney up here because of the distance issue which is about 65 miles..So if she does fight it I will have to hire an attorney up here which will cost me more then he would charge me and I have better things to do with my money then to throw it away on shisters! On top of that I really dont have it! From what I understand, Once the year is up we can both go to the county court and file for free so I am waiting on that..I did ask her at one point and she said she feels why close the book...Thats nice if i believe it but the truth is she has heart problems and I have excellent coverage and that might actually be the reason she hasnt filed..There is no way to tell for sure what her true intentions are! I did ask her one time if its about that and she told me she could get coverage from her job..So I dont know for sure if its the coverage or she is just confused and unsure as she says Link to post Share on other sites
rachel7475 Posted September 6, 2013 Share Posted September 6, 2013 Hey there, Just read your whole story - wanted to let you know there's someone out there who understands the no license thing. I got a DUI in 2006 and had to have a breathalizer in my truck for 6 months and no license for a year. With a job over an hour away, having just gone through a break-up, let me tell you it did not help. I don't think people really understand how much it sucks, to be blunt, to not have the ability to run to the store on your own or just drive somewhere, unless you've been through it. So if it makes you feel better, I know exactly how you are feeling. Everything else can be going awesome in your life but without that one thing it just sucks. BTW how are you doing?? Update plz Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurts_so_bad Posted September 13, 2013 Author Share Posted September 13, 2013 Hey there, Just read your whole story - wanted to let you know there's someone out there who understands the no license thing. I got a DUI in 2006 and had to have a breathalizer in my truck for 6 months and no license for a year. With a job over an hour away, having just gone through a break-up, let me tell you it did not help. I don't think people really understand how much it sucks, to be blunt, to not have the ability to run to the store on your own or just drive somewhere, unless you've been through it. So if it makes you feel better, I know exactly how you are feeling. Everything else can be going awesome in your life but without that one thing it just sucks. BTW how are you doing?? Update plz Hi Rachel Thanks for the understanding! What people dont realize is, Its very easy to look at someones life and say "Its not that bad" until they are in tha same boat...Thats what people dont understand...I know bitching and moaning doesnt help but it helps to let off steam sometimes.. Being left by someone you love is one thing..Being left by someone you love and not having the freedom to spread your wings is a double whammy! If I had my license I would have been fine a long long time ago but people dont get it...Someone once told me about riding my bike! For real? Ride my bike? 65 miles to work and back? To shoprite with groceries? On a date with a spare helmet? LMFAO! Anyway, I am doing much better! I just got back from vacation last week. I went to San Juan Puerto Rico with a few friends...Im starting to meet new people here and there and starting to look at myself in a different light..It took a while and is going to take some more time but i am getting there! I just reapplied for my license waiting on another denial so that I can hire an attorney in albany to file an article 78 with the commissoner of the DMV..Hopefully I will then see some results..If not I am going to be forced to drive illegally...They have no idea how much they are f@@king peoples lives up with this law! I understand that innocent people are getting hurt and killed..I get it but there are other precautions like ignition interlocks and things like that to enable repeat offenders to drive without the risk of them driving drunk..On top of that the DMV also held thousands of applications they should have approved prior to this law coming out in 2012.. They held applications without approving them when they should have before the law was put into affect..Once the law was put into affect they denied everyone! Link to post Share on other sites
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