getting over myself

[aMguilts]

Hey guys/gals.....things have been going better for a short whilr till the past few days....been beating myself up still and it sucks! Its almost a year now. When will I start to not feel yhese feelings of inadequacy? I know many men say this is normal for a man to feel when his wife leaves him for another man but I still get these feelings really strong. Its killing me to see beautiful women and thunk deep down that I am not good enough or afequate enough to give her what she would want out of a man....how much linger will I have to go yhrew these horriblr feelings abouy myself?

 

hurts??

 

so you are bull****ting me?

 

you lied to me?

 

I lived my life along side yours and all the while you are crapping me?

 

I got my life through living yours.

 

but i made my life?

Where did you get lost along the way?

 

 

aM

[2sunny]

Hurts-

 

Have you had a drink or done drugs in the last year? Or even the last 6 months?

[2sunny]

Hey sunny...they sent me a rundown of my record....since 1987 i have 14 infractions 3 of which were dwi's.....the rest were minor BS things like seatbelt etc and a few speeding one of which was a 60 in a 50 BS ticket.....I have to look into it further ...fighting this is new to me so I have to look further into it....If u guys have any ideas please inform me

 

3 DWI's - well you are a guy that shouldn't be behind the wheel for a very long time.

 

You could have killed a number of people.

 

They don't trust that you'll stay sober... Are they testing you to see if you stay clean? If so, what have your results been?

[dreamingoftigers]

When was the last DUI?

[hurts_so_bad]

Hurts-

 

Have you had a drink or done drugs in the last year? Or even the last 6 months?

 

No and no I have Never done drugs!

[hurts_so_bad]

When was the last DUI?

l

ast dwi was in 2008

[2sunny]

l

ast dwi was in 2008

 

Did you plead guilty to each DWI?

[2sunny]

If I'd been married to a man that racked up that kind of baggage and made my life so difficult by me being angry at him for most of the M - I'd never go back.

 

She may be realizing that even if she loved or loves you - you've done so much damage to her over the years that she may never trust you not to cause more pain.

 

Seriously, amends (setting things right - change) may be that you leave her alone so she can be happy now!

[hurts_so_bad]

If I'd been married to a man that racked up that kind of baggage and made my life so difficult by me being angry at him for most of the M - I'd never go back.

 

She may be realizing that even if she loved or loves you - you've done so much damage to her over the years that she may never trust you not to cause more pain.

 

Seriously, amends (setting things right - change) may be that you leave her alone so she can be happy now!

 

Do u see me knocking down her door? No..

Besides what does this have to fo with anything I.asked? Thanks for making me feel so much better!

[trippi1432]

Personally HSB, I think she was being honest. I know honesty hurts, but part of your issue may not be so much your external ego that hurts, but may be what you are afraid to admit to yourself internally. When you make the proper amends, you will clean that part up. Then you will feel whole again.

[hurts_so_bad]

I realize the mistakes I have made and Im.not denying yhem. I Also realize that she probably isnt the one for me. With all my mistakes I still provided a nice home and paid the bills which she never seemed to appreciate by take care of the home as if it was her home! in other words she was a f@@king slob which made me very unhappy! Right wrong or indifferent I realuze now we were not compatible and in many ways I dont want her back...Its all abouy me fuxing the broken ego I have with the way she left me..

 

She wanted better but excepted less?! Why? Makes me feel.like I was lacking something and thats a major blow to any mans ego...F@@k het! I dont want her back but when will I start feeling better is my concern....

[hurts_so_bad]

I did what I did wrong but the way she left wasnt right at all! It left me feeling like sh@t abouy myself and very angry! I just want to start iver with someone new and it pisses me off to think she is happy when Im still alone...Its not abouy live for her...Its about me wanting to fix my broken ego and to move on with someone else. If it was abouy love for her I would be happy for her...IM NOT! Im very angry and jealous of what she has that I dont cause she doesnt deaerve it any more than I do

..like I said made her major mistake at the end doing what she did.

[trippi1432]

If you go back and read those two post HSB, I think you will find that your issue is not that you are lacking physically, you lack empathy and are stuck in anger and jealousy. That will never make you a good partner for anyone and women steer clear of men like that. It permeates from their pores. That is something you internally have to fix and it's not about compatibility, it's about compassion and forgiveness for her as well as yourself.

 

Lest I also mention blaming others for your own mistakes too.

[aMguilts]

I did what I did wrong but the way she left wasnt right at all! It left me feeling like sh@t abouy myself and very angry! I just want to start iver with someone new and it pisses me off to think she is happy when Im still alone...Its not abouy live for her...Its about me wanting to fix my broken ego and to move on with someone else. If it was abouy love for her I would be happy for her...IM NOT! Im very angry and jealous of what she has that I dont cause she doesnt deaerve it any more than I do

..like I said made her major mistake at the end doing what she did.

 

Hey hurts.

 

So you said you don`t want her and you just want to start living with someone new?

I hate the word divorce and I would like to think there`s always a way to work things out.

But sometimes there isn`t a way to work things out.

 

I feel this is the case with you. I don`t think anyone is blaming you for what you may or may not have done in the past.

 

This bothers me thou "Im very angry and jealous of what she has that I dont cause she doesnt deaerve it any more than I do"

 

Why does it bother me? It seems such a narrow minded thing to say about someone you once loved so much that you got married to her and now you feel that "she doesn`t deserve to be happy" ?

 

Everyone deserves to be happy?

To base your feelings on how she is feeling (or anyone else for that matter!!) is just wrong.

You need to really turn the tide and stop basing your happiness, or lack of it,on her. So she`s happy? You really KNOW for sure if she REALLY is? Maybe she`s just faking it!! Maybe she cries herself to sleep every single night?

 

 

I want you to really think about what you said. Try and remember the good times you had with her. You said you read the book about the `here and now`? Did none of it sink in?

 

You are keeping yourself busy , which is good

You look great judging from your picture but You seem to be going round in circles in your mind which is not good.

 

This is the 1st time i`ll ever say this on here and i hope to god it`ll be my last:(

I think for you to really move forward with yourself and to get what you think will make you happy, you need to file for divorce.

Or has she done that already? without going back i can`t remember , sorry

 

If she hasn`t Then i think that will be the best thing (here and now) that you can do.

I feel you have done all you can and to move forward i think it`s best that you start leading the bull by the horns, rather than getting prodded in the a**e by them.

Catch my drift?

 

aM

[aMguilts]

..Its all abouy me fuxing the broken ego I have with the way she left me..

 

She wanted better but excepted less?! Why? Makes me feel.like I was lacking something and thats a major blow to any mans ego...F@@k het! I dont want her back but when will I start feeling better is my concern....

 

Hurts readthis.

 

A mans ego?

 

When will you start to feel better?

 

When you accept that you are only human and sometimes you make mistakes.

We all make mistakes.

The only mistake is not learning by them or at least learning to forget them and moving on.

 

 

aM

[hurts_so_bad]

Again...I am not blaming anyone for my mistakes...I was a f@@king idiot with the crap I pulled. I admit that. I gace no problem admitting that....Im just sayimg ehat she did was not right and cant understand why I had yo be left in that fashion....She could have been a women about it and left without being with someone else firat and making me qursyion myself and abilities as a man...there are plenty of men out there yhat have done.much much worse then me whos wives syill left them with dignity without making them feel worthless...noyhing I have done has made.me.feel any different in that department and its still.killing.me even to the poibt where I am afraid to.start something new in fear of let.down. As women im sure u cant understand it..its different fir a man yhen a women. IF I only knew for a fact that I did please her in that aspect I could.move on no problem...That is whats holding me back. Sorry if there is a loy of mispelled Stuff. I am.replying on.my cellphone ad the keys are small

[aMguilts]

Again...I am not blaming anyone for my mistakes...I was a f@@king idiot with the crap I pulled. I admit that. I gace no problem admitting that....Im just sayimg ehat she did was not right and cant understand why I had yo be left in that fashion....She could have been a women about it and left without being with someone else firat and making me qursyion myself and abilities as a man...there are plenty of men out there yhat have done.much much worse then me whos wives syill left them with dignity without making them feel worthless...noyhing I have done has made.me.feel any different in that department and its still.killing.me even to the poibt where I am afraid to.start something new in fear of let.down. As women im sure u cant understand it..its different fir a man yhen a women. IF I only knew for a fact that I did please her in that aspect I could.move on no problem...That is whats holding me back. Sorry if there is a loy of mispelled Stuff. I am.replying on.my cellphone ad the keys are small

 

Hurts,

Again. no one is blaming you for anything???!!

 

Your right , it IS different for a man that it is a women. Men are meant to be , well men, and to forgive themselves and start acting like , well , a `man` again.

Or you, sorry , they, will never get any woman, all the while they are being and acting like a puss..., again sorry....less than a `man`

 

aM

[trippi1432]

I can't say that I agree that it is different for a woman to start over when compared to how you were left by your wife HSB. My exH did pretty much the same thing the same way your wife did you and married his affair partner after I divorced him. He was and still is an alcoholic. It's still a blow to a woman's self-esteem, self worth and the lucidity that I had to put up with HIS anger for over two years for a situation he helped to create.

 

I'm angry, I've had to admit that I'm very much angry with the circumstances I have been left to deal with in the aftermath. That's 15 years of my life that I will never get back, 15 years to try and find good memories that always ended badly. Those years included the birth of our son and raising our kids. I asked myself the same questions you are asking, why does he get to go off and be happy while he left 15 years of destruction on this family that he never made a priority.

 

Then I remember that there are no more fights, no more yelling and screaming, no more blaming, I can have friends now, I'm not controlled by him and run my own life like I want. I look at the good things I have put in my life now and even thank the OW for taking this man out of my life because I wasn't happy with him. I forgave myself, I forgave him as well to a point or just don't care what he is doing or who with because he no longer matters.....I do.

 

You can blame yourself or her for the rest of your life, but it will never help you move forward, feel attractive, be attractive or put the good things out in the "universe" so good things happen. Amends/forgiveness = healing. Healing = healthy. Healthy = Happy. That's when you can share your happiness with another person. Right now, you still aren't ready and it has nothing to do with your looks, it's your perspective.

[hurts_so_bad]

Our situations are similar except for the fact that I was the scrrw up and she wasnt...she moved on from me...I accept that for the reasons given. But since yhe breakup I have this overwhelming feeling of inadequrcy in yhe bedroom that I cannot seem to get over that is whats killing me!

[hurts_so_bad]

How is a man supposed to.move on from that? Maybe I looked too much **** up.on the internet or listened to.too many stories from.*******s but many say if u do the right thing in the bedroom ur women will never leave u...I hace been left 3 different times by three different women...my first love when she went to.college.

..my 2nd girlfriend...now my wife...how much more pain do.I have to.endure without believing maybe there is simething wrong with me? I am so disturbed by this I feel week as if I even tried to be with another women I woulsnt be able to.perform...Its already happened a few times since the breakup... the thought of my ex wife preferring some scumbag over me makes me believe something is wrong....how in the world do u overcome that? Its been almost a year...do I.need more time?

[Gunny376]

Our situations are similar except for the fact that I was the scrrw up and she wasnt...she moved on from me...I accept that for the reasons given. But since yhe breakup I have this overwhelming feeling of inadequrcy in yhe bedroom that I cannot seem to get over that is whats killing me!

 

Not to worry! Those 'little blue pills" can take care of that!

[Gunny376]

I look at the good things I have put in my life now and even thank the OW for taking this man out of my life because I wasn't happy with him.

 

I've thought about this more than once! More than once I've thought about sending her HX3 a "Thank You" card for taking her narcisstic azz off my hands, along with the lines of "Thanks Bro! I owe you one!"

 

He's eight years older than she is! I told her to quit "sun-bathing" and she talked HX3 into buying her ~ her own tanning bed to the tune of a couple of thousand dollars. I also told her eating (and we use to have BIG arguments about it) that eating two ~ three boxes of Correctol laxatives wasn't and effective weight control ~ diet plan.

 

She 56 but looks like she's in her nineties. She gets older, meaner, sicker, more demanding, more materialistic, more controling, more nuts with each passing day?

 

But HE'S got her! So I guess that makes him tha' "Winner!"

 

Meanwhile, Mrs Gunny are doing just as fine as a good wine!

[hurts_so_bad]

I've thought about this more than once! More than once I've thought about sending her HX3 a "Thank You" card for taking her narcisstic azz off my hands, along with the lines of "Thanks Bro! I owe you one!"

 

He's eight years older than she is! I told her to quit "sun-bathing" and she talked HX3 into buying her ~ her own tanning bed to the tune of a couple of thousand dollars. I also told her eating (and we use to have BIG arguments about it) that eating two ~ three boxes of Correctol laxatives wasn't and effective weight control ~ diet plan.

 

She 56 but looks like she's in her nineties. She gets older, meaner, sicker, more demanding, more materialistic, more controling, more nuts with each passing day?

 

But HE'S got her! So I guess that makes him tha' "Winner!"

 

Meanwhile, Mrs Gunny are doing just as fine as a good wine!

thats ur story...mine looks better then she has in ten.years and was never a bitch...so.guess u are the lucky one! For me.its gonna be hard to.fimd a comparison or someone better

when it comes to that dept...

[hurts_so_bad]

thats ur story...mine looks better then she has in ten.years and was never a bitch...so.guess u are the lucky one! For me.its gonna be hard to.fimd a comparison or someone better

when it comes to that dept...

 

Just so f@@king hurt and pissed off that its so.hard to.move on.and fins someone.

 

Too feel this way about myself too boot makes it even worse! I thought i was getting threw this! Dont know how much more I can take! I quit smoking again so.maybe its my emotuona.getting to.me.

[2sunny]

You may no longer be handing all your power to alcohol anymore... But I looks like you're handing your power to your exW and your license.

 

You can accept that things are just as they are supposed to be - or you can continue making yourself miserable by staying focused on what you don't have.

 

 

If you can change it - then do that. If you can't - then it's best to accept it and do your best for today with what you DO have.