Is He Really Into Me Or Not?

[Sherry Anderson]

I am a 37 year old female, extremely attractive. In the past 8 weeks I have been dating a 21 year old male who I work with part time. He approached me. He says he has no expectations and wants me to have the same. I spend many evenings with him and some weekends, but it is always on his terms.

When he wants to and so forth

I am not sure what is going on with us. He was always staring at me and checking me out up until about 2 weeks ago when we had a fight. Such a stupid one at that. I commented that his parrot ruled the house and the guy flipped out and never called me. I called him and we sorted it out.

This past week we had another one when i told him I did not feel he treated me fairly and like a lady. I had told him I didn't' think it was fair that it was always on his terms and that he didn't respect me.

He is extremely attractive and knows it.

He invites me over but doesn't greet me with a kiss. Says that if I want to kiss him it is unattractive cause he likes to initiate. I don't know what do cause I am so into this man.

 

Can anyone make any suggestions

[BrotherD]

Sherry

 

My impressions from your post

 

I spend many evenings with him and some weekends, but it is always on his terms.

When he wants to and so forth

 

He is trying to control you and the arena in which he is seeing you. From my recent experience, when it comes down to their terms or no terms, what you've got going is your with someone who doesn't feel your equals. The age thing is a big factor, as well as his physical appearance.

He thinks he's hot and your and old lady. Don't take this wrong but in essence that is what is happening here. He has the upper hand and he knows it.... You can proceed forward with this relationship but I would advise the following.

 

DO NOT FALL IN LOVE. Lordy, I can not express this enough. He is too young to commit to anything, period. I think what you've got here is a booty call type of thing. He'll tire of it quickly and move on. Sorry to be so blunt.

 

He also sounds like he's finnicky. The rules for kissing are odd. The crappy treament is another sign.

 

If I were you (and again I speak from a very painful experience in which your story almost matches mine) I'd be VERY CAREFUL This is a dead end street. Have sex, be around for it if thats what you want. DO NOT EXPECT ANYTHING MORE. I have found that when a sweetheart turns grumpy, argumentative and persnickety, it usually translates into they are not that into you and it manifests itself with the aforementioned treatment.

Why they continue to call and play ball (no pun here) is beyond me. I was treated similarly with a younger ex and yet still recieved daily calls etc.

Eventually, the sex stopped and it got even uglier.

 

I'll go out on a limb here and advise if your not too far into this relationship, GET OUT NOW. Your heart is at stake. The more you participate, the more he'll know he "has you" by the short hairs and the treatment will continue. Go to NO CONTACT mode and make him find you. Give him the gift of missing you. He will also get the message that you will not be toyed with.... The more you agree to his terms etc, the more he'll test you. This is the only way to achieve parity in your relationship, and if he never calls you again, in the long run YOU'LL BE BETTER OFF.

 

I wish I knew about this board when I was going through a similar situation. I was hurt. Be careful...

[Sherry Anderson]

Thank you for your honest answer. I don't know why I started this in the first place when I have many who would treat me much better than him.

 

He nailed an older woman and is proud of it, now he is just dangling me around. Although he always says I am welcome at his house, but always on his terms.

 

I am not too deep in the heart yet, but I am a very giving person and I will get hurt soon.

 

I have never understood a person who is hot and cold. I have never had a man not desire me and this is all new to me.

 

You know he will never compliment me because he says I need it and that is exactly why he wont do it. Everything has to be on his terms.

 

I hate to hear the truth, but someone who treats a person like this is really not into them at all.

 

Thank you for your opinion.

The hardest part is separating from him.

I deserve much better than that, a man not a boy.

[Sherry Anderson]

Well I actually haven't heard from the 21 yr old since Monday. But at work Wednesday night I found out that he started the rumour about doing me. HE treats me like crap at work even when he speaks to me.

 

I was hoping to end it with him in person, but I guess he has done that for me. I wanted to say some things, but it is pointless now because he I guess ended it. Not that he called or anything to tell me, but the fact that he hasnt called speaks volumes.

 

I thought he was a bigger person than that, he promised he wouldnt spread the rumour

 

I feel like such and idiot, I don't know how I can face everyone at work. I can't believe he did this to me. I was so wrong about him.

 

I'm 37 and all I have ever had from any relationship in my life is men that belittle me, control me and nit pick at me. I must hate myself so much inside that I pick these people that do this to me.

 

Now back to therapy to learn why it is that I do this to myself. One of these days I am just going to give up on men and life. I hate myself so much it is sickening. A man can make or break me, why? I don't know what i Did in this life or another to deserve this pain.

 

I really wanted to get the last word in, why it would make a difference I don't know but to me I would feel somewhat better.

[dudesomewhere]

actually, you should keep on keepin on...as they say. It's venting and people should. Venting in private or anon to forums is the best...bottling up does nothing but aggravates and prevents you from learning from your mistakes.

 

Now that said...do you hate me? I'm a sissy! How can you hate a sissy man?

 

Iin all seriousness though, it's kind of crappy that women can't for all intents and purposes have this sort of 3rd eye that allows them to see their men when they are not with them. I'm not one to brag about this because I don't think it's bragging but I've never been one to profess any kind of "triumph" of women. Males all about me do though, and I can't help but wonder if the women on the other end know of this...to me it is the utmost in disrespect. They disregard these women in their lives so much that the women are nothing more than the objects they are viewed as by these men. It happens so much though that it upsets me...if only the women knew...maybe these women who are madly in love would change their minds if they knew how much their men belittled them.

 

But then again...here in this site you see women who will defend the men who do practice such things and you can only be further confused.

 

Keep on doing what you are doing though...questioning your own self. Question and test yourself...to do so is to ask answers that maybe you can find for you and that is to know yourself. Don't give up on men or life...just give up on MOST men ...basically, give up on the jerkholes of the world.