mugirl213 Posted June 29, 2004 Share Posted June 29, 2004 HELP!!! OK, here's my dilema. My boyfriend is VERY honest. He'll mention whatever he's thinking about b/c if he doesn't it feels to him like he's lying. The other day, I was helping him clean up his kitchen and i handed him a folded up piece of paper (as I did not want to read it and be nosy). When he opened it he commented on how it was a really good recipe...but he made it for Amy....his ex. When I asked him why he felt the need to tell me this...when he could have just made it and I could have not been the wiser...he said b/c he felt like he was lying if he didn't. Which I respect AND appreciate of course...but it still hurts my feelings. I know I am sensitive and insecure and jealous and I'm trying to change these things, I just don't know how. I know he had a horrid breakup with his ex....and he's been open and honest in communicating about her with me...so he mentions stories from his past and I thought that he was treating me as his rebound girl. This really isn't the case he says...but moreso, she was such a big part of his life for 3 years...alot of his experiences and stories revolve around her. And if something pops into his head he just likes to say it. He does s how me he cares, so please don't think that...I just need a way to overcome this jealousy instead of creating wild scenarios in my head. I don't want to get to the point where I'm snooping in his room or checking his emails or things of that nature. PLEASE HELP! Link to post Share on other sites
lydiamarie Posted July 2, 2004 Share Posted July 2, 2004 being open and honest doesn't mean he has to tell you everything that ever crosses his mind! obviously you don't appreciate and respect his behavior: you are hurt by it. if you want a truly open and honest relationship, then you need to tell him how you really feel about this. Link to post Share on other sites
Bubbles Posted July 2, 2004 Share Posted July 2, 2004 Honesty does not mean that he has to be brutally honest. Ask him to consider this before he says anything else to you. Will what I say to her #1 encourage our relationship? #2 make her understand me a little better? #3 will she feel threatened? or will she feel closer to me? #4 does she really need to know about my sex life with my ex? Sometimes with people, when you ask them to be honest with you......you have to take the good with the bad. Consider this......if he feels that he can tell you anything and everything and you have never once made him feel badly for telling you the truth then he will NEVER have a reason to lie or withhold information from you. Always remember this: It's wonderful to think that you are the ONLY person who has ever had a relationship with him......but that's not reality is it? It would be wonderful......but it's just not true. I have learned from life experience........sometimes it can be pretty brutal but..........most times it's worth knowing rather than NOT knowing. Bubbles Link to post Share on other sites
reasontosigh Posted July 2, 2004 Share Posted July 2, 2004 Consider this......if he feels that he can tell you anything and everything and you have never once made him feel badly for telling you the truth then he will NEVER have a reason to lie or withhold information from you Excellent advice. As much as you feel hurt by him telling you these things, I think if you keep this quote in mind it may take some of the sting out of it. Knowing is better than not knowing - or even worse, finding out something you really needed to know much later on down the road. Been there before myself. Of course do talk to him about it - he may not realize how brutal it is for you. There are things that you will certainly need to know of importance, but not every little thing. Link to post Share on other sites
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