I seem to feel something towards somebody against my will

[Lepus]

I seem to have an unwanted crush on somebody I don't like I don't want to like and makes me jealous when I don't want to be. I seem to have a chemical reaction toward somebody I don't want to feel for.

 

I've been with my partner for over 10 years and I love him so much it hurts, he would bend over backward for me, and he is promising me a wedding and children and a new house. Things are a little rocky at the moment due to stress, and I will be the first to admit that after 10 years the spark isn't entirely there anymore. When I kiss him I don't feel dizzy anymore, but when I lie in his arm I still know he's the one. And telling him "I love you" still comes easy.

 

I got involved in this gaming community and met this guy, he is 8 years my junior, and I don't find his picture attractive, nor do we have that much in common. He is quite immature and into things boys his generation are into and has big Justin Biever hair. While he is friendly towards me and we talk pretty much every day, it is obvious I'm not his type any more than he is mine.

 

And yet, my heart is fluttering like a school girl. It's like I don't have a say in it, I feel hot and flushed, and find it difficult to sleep at night. When I don't speak with him I'm filled with a feeling of depression that just gets worse with every passing day, and I have tried so hard to cut all contact. I keep telling myself to walk away, but truth is, I like the people in the community, I like him, and I want a normal friendship with him, without these stupid emotions. It feels like I have no say in what my body and brain is telling me, like I have no choice in the matter. I am hurting because I hate this.

 

I want to love my partner and my partner only, but I am having a complete non-volunteerly chemical response toward this boy, I've tried to talk myself into why this is stupid, why there is no way I'd be attracted to him, but when he compliment other women I feel stabs of jealousy that I have no say in, I feel happy when he messages me, I feel good when say something nice towards me. And all are responses I have no control of.

 

And I don't want this. I love my partner with all my heart and I hate that I feel jealous about somebody I don't even find physicly attractive, I hate sitting there with my heart beating and wishing it would just stop.

 

I hate crying because I really just want to walk away, but at the same time, I don't want to face weeks of depression that again I don't have a say in. I've walked away and my body is forcing me to feel blue like I'm going through a break up, and that affects my love life a lot more because I have to lie to my partner who knows I'm feeling depressed about something I can't talk about. And I hate it.

 

What I want, is to stop feeling these stupid emotions and be his friend, and not care, and be friends with the other in the community, and love my partner.

 

But why is my heart beating against my will.

 

I know I should walk away, but I'd much rather just get the hell over it and have a normal life, than having to give it all up because my heart wont listen to my brain and stop beating.

Edited June 11, 2012 by Lepus

[Leigh 87]

This is hard. It makes me feel vulnerable - that my partner of 2 years could easily get a " chemical" reaction to another girl... Or even worse - that he never had that mad chemical feeling that you feel towards this guy - with me.

 

First of all - did u ever feel the same way about your partner?

[Lepus]

(don't know how to delete a post yet.)

Edited June 11, 2012 by Lepus

[TaraMaiden]

You can't delete posts.

Which post were you concerned about?

[Lepus]

the one that says (I don't know how to delete posts) I wrote something and then I decided against it, can you delete all posts except my first one and Leigh

[TaraMaiden]

You'll have to get in touch with moderators, but it's rare they delete posts/threads willy-nilly.....

just move on...

 

As I see it what has happened is that in a nutshell, your marriage has become hum-drum and routine, you love your man desperately, but are not in love with him, and this gaming contact has pushed your sexy-buttons and awakened the desire to feel desirable again.

It's nice to feel flattered, chatted up, wanted, to see we 'still got it'.

suddenly, he's making you feel wooed and attractive again, something your husband fell out of the habit of doing. And doubtless, you may well have become complacent too.

I'm not having a go - it happens, it's ok....

you should address the lack of feeling in your relationship, not the surge of feeling in your game world.

 

(I have alerted the Mods to your post predicament, BTW.)

Edited June 11, 2012 by TaraMaiden

[gaius]

World of Warcraft is a helluva drug.

 

Are you sure things are as good with your fiance as you think? 10 years is a long time. I notice a lot of people get heavily involved in the gaming community when there is already a problem going on in their personal life.