My first marriage - her second.

[chucksagent]

A few questions: (please answer in corresponding numbered paragraphs)

 

1) Her ex was a loser and a scum bag. She got married in her early 20's. She made a mistake. Her family and friends weren't keen on her marrying the first time but you know how young people are - they know best! We are both in our early/mid 30's right now and engaged to be wed. Her first wedding wasn't HUGE but it was a typical wedding. My network of family and friends is VERY large and I am kind of the "golden boy" (as my aunts call me) of the whole group; I played sports in high school, went to college and then law school and made a lot of friends along the way. People have talked about my bachelor party and wedding for years before it was even a concept! Lol. I tend to do everything large or not at all. We have plenty of money to throw the wedding ourselves, but my only question is if her family will be offended/annoyed at the idea of a SECOND big wedding for her. I just don't feel I should get screwed out of a cool/big/traditional wedding when her scumb-bag/loser ex got a real one and never deserved it.

 

2) People say if you live together pre-wedding you shouldn't get a bridal shower. Well her sister is her maid of honor and we are VERY close to her and her kids (my fiances niece and nephew). My family LOVE my fiance - my mom says shes the daughter she never had. My fiance was stressing about a bridal shower because she didn't want people to feel obligated to throw a party. I told her we are VERY good to our family and friends and I had a feeling they would handle it if they wanted to. Sure enough, her sister just told us she's going to have a jack and jill (male and female) party for ALL of our family and friends (whoever can make it). That's how our group is, we usually have people over our house at least once a week. Now on here I've read more and more you shouldn't have this party yet they are having it for us?!? Lol. Should we register for gifts or what?!? Just cause my fiancee was married before doesn't mean she took eevrything with her and that we have EVERYTHING you could need. I was a bachelor before she moved in so my place isn't stocked with EVERYTHING a newly married could could want.

 

----Please give me your 2 cents----

[TigerCub]

Congrats on the soon to come marriage.

 

1) why would her parents care if the wedding is big or small if you 2 (you and your fiance) have enough money to throw the wedding yourself - which I assume you're doing. Why would they care?

 

2) Are you asking if you should register for the bridal shower?

From what I know, people register for the wedding - and that's normal even if the couple lived together, etc. it would be the wedding gifts.

 

I don't know how bridal showers and registering work though. If the shower is too close to the wedding, I wouldn't register for both events.

[RiverRunning]

1. In cases like yours, I think it's fine to have the big wedding. I'm sure her family would immediately realize why you're having a bigger wedding if they realize it's your first marriage. But like TigerCub said, if you're paying for it yourselves, why would they care? But I don't understand when couples consisting of people who are both on their second, third, etc., marriage continually have big weddings.

 

2. What do you need around the house? I've seen plenty of couples try to screw over their families and friends by listing a bunch of big-ticket items or several appliances, linens, etc., just because they want 'all new.' That's crap. I am far more likely to tolerate that from a couple where one or both haven't lived on their own before, or if they're still getting stuff.

 

Since the party's being thrown for you, I would get a small registry. Only small appliances and little things that you genuinely need and could use. If invitations are being sent out, include that information on the card.

[wow04]

1.) If you are paying for the wedding, it doesn't matter what her family wants. This is your and your bride's day. It is about what you two agree on.

 

2.) Register for a wedding. People use it for the bridal shower and for the wedding.

 

Congrats!! Wish you two a life of love and happiness!!!!!!

[Dancer96]

Congratulations to you and your fiancee!!

 

1. I am in the same situation... it is my second wedding and my fiancee's first. A little different than your fiancee for me... my first husband was killed in a car accident over six years ago. Time healed and I am very ready to be married again. We are having a big wedding and we are paying for it so I don't care what anyone else thinks... it is your day... you and your bride do what you want!

 

2. I was wondering the same thing about a bridal shower and registering for gifts. However, I decided that we both brought stuff in to our house from previous marriage/relationships and since we are starting our new life together I would like to start it with new things. We are also building a larger house, again starting a new chapter for us. It might be selfish of me to some people, but that's the way I feel. We aren't going to register for big expensive items like refrigerators, etc., but new dishes and linens and stuff like that. I have talked to others and they thought that was perfectly fine to accept gifts both in a shower and at the wedding.