The affair that I regret?

[partyofthepeople]

A while ago, I entertained the idea of casually flirting with a co-worker. We had been friends for a while at work and always meshed well. He was in a relationship, as was I, and we engaged in harmless flirting. He was going through a rough time with his girlfriend and I think he liked the attention. Eventually, they broke up.

 

I was still in my relationship when things started to get a little more involved with me and my co-worker. We would find each other texting all the time. At one point, we flirted with the idea of being physical with one another. After a night out with friends, we kissed. I told him at that point I wanted to only be physical and that I wasn't going to leave my boyfriend. He agreed. After hanging out one night, we went back to his place. We ended up harmlessly cuddling and he then proceeded to tell me how much he actually liked me and didn't want it to be just a physical thing. We then had sex. It was the best sex of my life. He told me the same thing. I still told him that I couldn't leave my boyfriend and he was fine with that.

 

I would wake up every morning feeling guilty about the man on the side. Everyday on my way to work, I would think, "today's the day I end it" but never did. I couldn't stop thinking about him--the fun we had, the way he made me feel and laugh and the amazing sex. He then told me one night that he thought that he was in love with me.

 

I would do things to attempt to get HIM to end it with me, since I didn't have the guts to do so. I said things that made him angry and I know were hurtful, things I regret now. After I said these things to him, he went back to his ex-girlfriend and had sex with her.

 

He then told me that he wanted to be with me and that I needed to leave my boyfriend. I was so torn and foolish. I didn't end up leaving my boyfriend. I thought I was in love with him, but I knew I also loved my boyfriend.

 

Now, he has gone back to his ex (he's been back and fourth with her for 3 years, she's always his retreat). They aren't together because she won't take him back, and every now and then when our mutual friends go out together, we end up hooking up. The last time we hooked up, he told me to tell my boyfriend that I had feelings for him and to end it. I finally told my boyfriend this--and we broke up. I told him that I was broken up with my boyfriend and by that time he told me it was too late--that he wanted to try to be with his ex again and that I wanted what I couldn't have. I really do love him and can't stop thinking about him. This has been going on for half a year and I know I made a big mistake in not leaving my boyfriend earlier.

 

I want him back, I need help.

[Philosoraptor]

Eventually when you play with fire you'll get burned. I'm glad you finally told your boyfriend and set him free. As for this other guy you just need to be patient as he seems as emotionally lost as you are.

 

What makes you think this pattern will change in either of you if you do end up together?

[nofool4u]

A while ago, I entertained the idea of casually flirting with a co-worker. We had been friends for a while at work and always meshed well. He was in a relationship, as was I, and we engaged in harmless flirting.

 

There is no such thing. Case in point below.

 

 

I was still in my relationship when things started to get a little more involved with me and my co-worker. We would find each other texting all the time. At one point, we flirted with the idea of being physical with one another. After a night out with friends, we kissed.

 

I told him at that point I wanted to only be physical and that I wasn't going to leave my boyfriend.

 

Why? Surely your bf doesn't deserve what you are doing. Why not set him free from someone who isn't going to be true and faithful to him?

 

 

He agreed. After hanging out one night, we went back to his place. We ended up harmlessly cuddling

 

Once again, its not harmless. But you seem to like to think that such emotional betrayals are harmless.

 

 

He then told me that he wanted to be with me and that I needed to leave my boyfriend. I was so torn and foolish. I didn't end up leaving my boyfriend. I thought I was in love with him, but I knew I also loved my boyfriend.

 

You love your bf, but sleep with another guy behind his back? Sorry, the two don't coincide.

 

 

Now, he has gone back to his ex (he's been back and fourth with her for 3 years, she's always his retreat). They aren't together because she won't take him back

 

Smart girl.

 

 

and every now and then when our mutual friends go out together, we end up hooking up. The last time we hooked up, he told me to tell my boyfriend that I had feelings for him and to end it. I finally told my boyfriend this--and we broke up.

 

Good, now your x can find someone that will be true to him, hopefully.

 

 

I told him that I was broken up with my boyfriend and by that time he told me it was too late--that he wanted to try to be with his ex again and that I wanted what I couldn't have. I really do love him and can't stop thinking about him. This has been going on for half a year and I know I made a big mistake in not leaving my boyfriend earlier.

 

I want him back, I need help.

 

You made a mistake by not leaving you bf earlier, yet you want him back?

 

Your side piece is right, you only want what you can't have.

 

Leave your bf alone and let him live his life free of someone that will completely disrespect him as you have, and are only using him as the back burner guy until you find someone else to better deal him with.

 

Just leave him alone and move on. You owe it to him to not screw with his head anymore than you already have. Any attempt to get him back after treating him like dirt is even more selfish than the cheating itself.

[partyofthepeople]

When I said, "I want him back" I was talking about the guy who I had on the side. Not my ex-boyfriend.

[nofool4u]

Well you know they say when two people have hurt others as you and he have that you would be saving two other people if you were together.

 

So if this girl he is trying to fool into being with him doesn't know he cheated on her with you, then maybe its time she finds out. She deserves to know what a cheating jackass he is.

[partyofthepeople]

He was never in a relationship when this happened. He went back to his ex, but she didn't take him back. Just wanted to get the story right.

[nofool4u]

He was never in a relationship when this happened. He went back to his ex, but she didn't take him back. Just wanted to get the story right.

 

He was in a relationship, as was I, and we engaged in harmless flirting

 

Now I realize they were together when you were "only" flirting. But to me, flirting is cheating since its the signaling and exposure of sexual interest to another party.

 

But I digress, the important thing is your x can now move on to greener pastures.

[veggirl]

Okay, well he knows you are a cheater and you told him over and over that you wouldn't be with him. So of course he is not interested in being with you, how can he trust you? You cheat and lie, and you flip flop on what you want. Those things don't exactly scream "relationship material" to most people.

 

You should do yourself a favor and be single and get your head screwed back on straight. The last thing you need to do is be jumping from one relationship to the next.

[pteromom]

he wanted to try to be with his ex again and that I wanted what I couldn't have.

 

I agree with him. He tried and tried to get you to break up with your bf, and you wouldn't, so he finally moved on, and NOW suddenly you want him.

 

So, yes, it appears that you want what you can't have.

 

I think you need to spend some time on your own reflecting on why you cheated, and how to prevent that from happening in the future. Date a little and have fun without being serious. THEN when you feel you are ready to be faithful, start looking for a new relationship.

 

But leave the guy alone. He's trying to fix what he messed up with his ex. Give him the space to do that.

[partyofthepeople]

I get all of what you all are saying but the part that is the most confusing is how he said "tell your boyfriend that you want to be with me and leave him" and I finally did. A day after I told him that I said that I wanted to be with him, he told me that he was trying to be with his ex again. Why would he tell me that if it didn't mean anything?

[BewitchedandBothered]

I get all of what you all are saying but the part that is the most confusing is how he said "tell your boyfriend that you want to be with me and leave him" and I finally did. A day after I told him that I said that I wanted to be with him, he told me that he was trying to be with his ex again. Why would he tell me that if it didn't mean anything?

It was the thrill of the chase; maybe he enjoyed this little cat and mouse game. Now that you are free to be with this guy, the thrill is gone. Being with him caused you to lose your b/f, and to lose someone you could never had---and I am sure his ex was in his heart the entire time.