Wasabi_is_spicy Posted June 12, 2012 Share Posted June 12, 2012 I'm 18 and my boyfriend is 23. We have been going about 5 months. He never ever takes the iniative to ask me out on any dates. It's always me asking me if he's free on this or that day. Plus he's super busy with his pool club. I do understand that he has responsibilities to his pool club, but how about on the other days he are free? I asked him before to ask me out because I don't like asking him out and getting rejected because he's busy with pool on that day. Plus,is it too much to ask for him to message me every once in a while? When I do message him he always replies with "Lols.." or those other one word answer. I can't say he's a bad boyfriend because we've been through alot together. He was my pillar of support when my parents and I got into huge fights over him dating me. Help? Since this is my first relationship I'm really confused regarding what I should do. Link to post Share on other sites
smith9800 Posted June 12, 2012 Share Posted June 12, 2012 may be, he is of shy nature...because when you ask him, he always say ok... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Wasabi_is_spicy Posted June 12, 2012 Author Share Posted June 12, 2012 Ermm he's definitely not shy. He's actually a really outgoing person. When he does say ok it feels like he's doing it out of obligation. It's not that he completely doesn't want to go out. More like he's indifferent whether we go out once a week or once every few weeks. That's because if I don't ask him out during the entire week, I won't hear anything from him for that entire week. Link to post Share on other sites
LittlePrince Posted June 12, 2012 Share Posted June 12, 2012 I'm 18 and my boyfriend is 23. We have been going about 5 months. He never ever takes the iniative to ask me out on any dates. It's always me asking me if he's free on this or that day. Plus he's super busy with his pool club. I do understand that he has responsibilities to his pool club, but how about on the other days he are free? I asked him before to ask me out because I don't like asking him out and getting rejected because he's busy with pool on that day. Plus,is it too much to ask for him to message me every once in a while? When I do message him he always replies with "Lols.." or those other one word answer. I can't say he's a bad boyfriend because we've been through alot together. He was my pillar of support when my parents and I got into huge fights over him dating me. Help? Since this is my first relationship I'm really confused regarding what I should do. He never asks you out so how are you together? Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted June 12, 2012 Share Posted June 12, 2012 He was my pillar of support when my parents and I got into huge fights over him dating me. This tidbit of information is so unbelievably telling... But to answer your question simply...LAUNCH. Link to post Share on other sites
LittlePrince Posted June 12, 2012 Share Posted June 12, 2012 Ermm he's definitely not shy. He's actually a really outgoing person. When he does say ok it feels like he's doing it out of obligation. It's not that he completely doesn't want to go out. More like he's indifferent whether we go out once a week or once every few weeks. That's because if I don't ask him out during the entire week, I won't hear anything from him for that entire week. You need a guy who is more involved. This guy isn't the one for you. You can stay with him but you won't be happy. This isn't nitpicking. This is a fundamental issue with your relationship and it won't get better with time. Link to post Share on other sites
LittlePrince Posted June 12, 2012 Share Posted June 12, 2012 This tidbit of information is so unbelievably telling... But to answer your question simply...LAUNCH. Telling of what? She could be Asian while he's not and they simply disapprove due to racism. Link to post Share on other sites
Feelin Frisky Posted June 12, 2012 Share Posted June 12, 2012 He doesn't seem to think of you very romantically otherwise he'd be initiating. Maybe you're just in the friend zone. Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted June 12, 2012 Share Posted June 12, 2012 He doesn't seem to think of you very romantically otherwise he'd be initiating. Maybe you're just in the friend zone. Or FWB zone... Link to post Share on other sites
LittlePrince Posted June 12, 2012 Share Posted June 12, 2012 He doesn't seem to think of you very romantically otherwise he'd be initiating. Maybe you're just in the friend zone. Except men don't have friend zones unless he has no interest in women. Link to post Share on other sites
Ninjainpajamas Posted June 12, 2012 Share Posted June 12, 2012 It's pretty obvious you need him more than he needs you, he doesn't seem that interested in you or has something else going on besides the pool club...like another girl. No guy that is into a woman never makes time for her, that's never an excuse, plus the guy seems extremely immature with the lols, what is he 10? I don't even think you know what a good boyfriend is, you just seem to obviously think it's a guy who spends time with you once in a while out of obligation, has no interest in talking to you just barely replies then doesn't show interest otherwise. But in your head you've been through whatever you been through in the past, because you've justified the relationship that way and you don't see what your parents see obviously who are at least adults and been through it, they weren't born yesterday. Doesn't matter what's happened in the past, it matters what happened todayand I'm sure he was a lot more into you back int he day because it was new but i mean c'mon, you've been together for 5 months...I'd have to say that you were just being used for sex and now you're just sitting on the backburner until he figures out what to do with you...he'll just drift farther and farther away and If you're the typical grl you'll keep trying to pull him in and make you both close all by yourself, you'll be the driver of this relationship and want him to be motivated in being with you but he isn't. Don't let your insecurities and family issues cause you to be with men, you'll always end up with the wrong guys and honestly from the sound of it it doesn't seem like you're going to let this guy go anytime soon. Not sure what it is you think you both went through together, but as profound as it was it doesn't seem like the same way to him by his actions, and he doesn't seem at all interested in this relationship...but keep settling for the crumbs, you'll learn one day it's not enough. This is what happens when you make a random douchebag your pillar of support, beacuse you need someone to hold onto. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LittlePrince Posted June 12, 2012 Share Posted June 12, 2012 Or FWB zone... That's much more plausible. Link to post Share on other sites
Feelin Frisky Posted June 12, 2012 Share Posted June 12, 2012 Except men don't have friend zones unless he has no interest in women. w/e the metrosexual equivalent is. I'm not up on zones too much. Link to post Share on other sites
LittlePrince Posted June 12, 2012 Share Posted June 12, 2012 w/e the metrosexual equivalent is. I'm not up on zones too much. Men who are attracted to women don't spend any appreciable amount of time around women they don't want as more than friends whether it is romantic, sexual, or both. Heterosexual men aren't friends with women. The only possible exception is a woman a man sees as a mother figure. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Wasabi_is_spicy Posted June 12, 2012 Author Share Posted June 12, 2012 Well the thing is we started with a no strings attached relationship.Btw our no strings attached r/s doesn't involve sex. He says it's alright if we don't have sex. Anyways he was the one who who asked me to be his girlfriend after about two months into our no strings attached r/s. Plus he was the one who said the love phrase first. I was thinking that maybe I should be more understanding of his background. He was neglected while he was growing up and that may be the reason why he doesn't really know how to be more loving. Maybe that's a factor for why he's the way he is. So I could be selfish for not being understanding? Link to post Share on other sites
USMCHokie Posted June 12, 2012 Share Posted June 12, 2012 Well the thing is we started with a no strings attached relationship.Btw our no strings attached r/s doesn't involve sex. He says it's alright if we don't have sex. Anyways he was the one who who asked me to be his girlfriend after about two months into our no strings attached r/s. Plus he was the one who said the love phrase first. I was thinking that maybe I should be more understanding of his background. He was neglected while he was growing up and that may be the reason why he doesn't really know how to be more loving. Maybe that's a factor for why he's the way he is. So I could be selfish for not being understanding? He's cool with not having sex with you because he's getting his sex from other women... Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted June 12, 2012 Share Posted June 12, 2012 He's cool with not having sex with you because he's getting his sex from other women... I agree with this. He is not interested and likely has someone else. If a guy isn't putting in as much effort as you are, move on cause he isn't into it. Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted June 12, 2012 Share Posted June 12, 2012 Maybe that's a factor for why he's the way he is. So I could be selfish for not being understanding? No. You have needs in a relationship. You need to be desired. You need some attention. You need some affection. You need to know he cares as much about you as you do about him. So you can spend time analyzing WHY he is the way he is, and thinking of ways you can CHANGE him, or you can just admit that he isn't meeting your needs in the relationship, and it doesn't matter why. It's not SELFISH to want to be happy in a relationship. Being happy is one of the main reasons to be in one! And if you aren't, there is nothing selfish about having higher standards for yourself. So tell him what you need. Give him a chance to step up. And if he doesn't, move on. It doesn't matter what he did for you in the past - he isn't giving you what you need NOW, and that's what matters. Link to post Share on other sites
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