Petty arguing is destroying us

[Mezza]

I love my girlfriend very much and she loves me very much. Of that there is no doubt whatsoever.

 

However we get upset at the smallest things and do not know how to resolve things before we both get really angry. She doesn't think there is any hope, but surely there are some techniques that we can use to resolve the conflict before we both lose control completely.

 

Our love is too strong to throw away.

[venus]

I've had this problem before with my ex. We were deeply in love as well, but we were too much alike. Sometimes things are not meant to be, as hard as this is to accept.

 

If you really want to try, go to talk to a relationship expert together. MY personal suggestion to you is to simply walk away when things are getting heated. You've both obviously got anger issues, and the stubborn desire to be right all the time. Something or someone's gotta give sooner or later. So, I suggest to take time out to cool down. If the situation is worth fighting about an hour later than sit down and talk rationally about it. If not forget about it. Is it really worth losing your love over?

I love my girlfriend very much and she loves me very much. Of that there is no doubt whatsoever.

 

However we get upset at the smallest things and do not know how to resolve things before we both get really angry. She doesn't think there is any hope, but surely there are some techniques that we can use to resolve the conflict before we both lose control completely. Our love is too strong to throw away.

[Mezza]

Thanks Venus, your advice confirms what I have been thinking...but had almost given up faith that anything would work.

I've had this problem before with my ex. We were deeply in love as well, but we were too much alike. Sometimes things are not meant to be, as hard as this is to accept. If you really want to try, go to talk to a relationship expert together. MY personal suggestion to you is to simply walk away when things are getting heated. You've both obviously got anger issues, and the stubborn desire to be right all the time. Something or someone's gotta give sooner or later. So, I suggest to take time out to cool down. If the situation is worth fighting about an hour later than sit down and talk rationally about it. If not forget about it. Is it really worth losing your love over?

[Tony T]

Love is pretty scary sometimes. When two people who are afraid of what is happening fall for each other, they both play this anger and argument game to try to drive a wedge into the relationship and keep it more comfortable. After all, how terrifying would it be if the two of you got along perfectly...and were madly in love besides.

 

This could also have a lot to do with the families you grew up in. This may be the way your parents related to each other. I am always amused when people tell me their parents fight all the time. I personally don't understand the concept. I never fight with a woman about anything. I guess I'm just dull...or very excellent at picking nice ladies. I do have discussions and disagreements but unless millions of dollars are at stake, it's not really important for me to be right or even close to it.

 

A lot of couples who really love each other dearly fight because they are afraid of intimacy or even ashamed of admitting and expressing their own feelings.

 

The two of you need to sit down with a counsellor and work this out. It sounds like you have the foundation for a really good thing. If you don't work it out now, the same thing will happen in subsequent relationships when you start falling in love.

 

Talk out these fears, discuss why it is necessary to argue about these petty things. Why not put up a webcam in your place and broadcast these arguments on the net and have people comment? Record them and share them on Napster. Or videotape them so you can see just how lame they sound and look upon playback.

 

This is just no way for adults to conduct themselves, certainly not two who love each other. Get yourselves together!!!

[Kelly]

The thing that always works for me..is control. Think before you both speak, breathe and in a sentence say what made you guys mad..don't yell or complain. After that try to compromise about the things that make you guys upset and really TRY to argue productivly. Sit down and talk don't bitch or point fingers and blame. Think about what really upset you and concentrate on that..don't let it get out of control. If you think before you speak it will really help the both of you.