should i get divorced and move away?

[sickandtired37]

I have been married for 12 years to a man who is bipolar. That may be, but I really dont buy it as an excuse anymore.

 

He does absolutley nothing around the house, wants to know where i am all the time, never wants the kids in the room with him, works third shift after being told it was a horrible shift for our family to handle.

 

He refuses to even look at any of the bills that come into the house, yet complains when there isnt any money at the beginning of the week. We never have any extra money but he refuses to even consider a part-time job to make things easier.

 

He thinks i should have sex with him whenever he wants, which I dont, but then gives me the " silent treatment" which i have actually grown to prefer over actually having sex with him.

 

I have thought about divorce everyday for years and he has absolutely no idea. He lives in his own little world and cant even comprehend the thought that im not happy. he is very controlling, passive-aggressive, and jealous. only one of our three kids is actually his, but he will make a divorce hell because thats just the way he is.

 

I need advice on how to proceed with this, if it would be a good idea at 37 to move back in with my mother in another town, who is ill and needs the help anyway, or try to stay for the kids sake, who ask me to get divorced all the time anyway. I have no money saved, am not working, and have no friends and no family in the town i live in. utterly alone and taking too many anxiety meds anyway. any advice would be greatly appreciated. thank you..

[supermom]

If he is not willing to make a change, I would. Sounds like you AND YOUR KIDS are unhappy.

 

never wants the kids in the room with him,

 

That line made my mouth drop. If you think you want to stay for the kids, sounds like it's not worth it anyway.

 

Might be more healthy to have them with your mom, who is ill and I am sure she would love to have your kids around more anyway.

 

Sounds like he doesn't respect you, which is highly important.

 

Is he willing to go to marriage counceling? If not, that would make it over for me personally.

 

utterly alone and taking too many anxiety meds anyway.

 

Doesn't sound too healthy for you either.

 

I wonder what he'd say if you told him how unhappy you are.......

 

Good luck!

[Matilda]

Sit down and make a list of the pros and cons of leaving. Then maybe things will be more clear for you.

 

From what you posted above, I can't really imagine why you would want to stay. It doesn't sound like it is a good situation for your kids or yourself. I can't imagine your husband is very happy either.

 

If you have the option of going to live with your mother, then I would seriously consider doing so. Are your kids old enough that you could ask them if they would prefer to go live with your mother? I assume this would mean they would have to change schools, which would be something to consider.

 

Finally, have you thought about going to counseling, either alone or with your husband?

[msrealdoll]

I remember being a child and wishing my parents would divorce. My mother was very unstable. My sister, brother and I would beg my father to divorce her.

 

It's been a long, tough road for all of us. It took years for us to let go of the resentment we felt toward our father. We felt like if he loved us, he wouldn't have put us through that.

 

or try to stay for the kids sake, who ask me to get divorced all the time anyway

 

This says it all. Get out for the children's sake, if not your own. I know it seems so easy to say from a distance. But try to save some money up and get out. Get help from family if you need it.

[sing4me]

http://www.globalwarfare.org.ph/contents1x/warfront_update/1series2001/npd.html

 

The link above is to an article about a disease that is so closely related to "Bi Polar" it is something you should read. My heart goes out to you because it is a very difficult thing to live with someone who is sick and even more difficult when it is a form of mental illness.

I want to first say that at the end of your posting you mentioned taking too many meds. Well you obviously know the reason you are on them is to cope with the situation at home.

Is he taking meds for the bi polar?

 

I would like for you to go back and read what you wrote as though it were someone else. You will have your answers.You say he will make divorce hell but the rest of your posting sounds like you are there anyway. I am by no means encouraging a divorce but you need to talk to the doctor or someone who has lived with a bi polar person. Sometimes we can't see the game because we are on the field playing, however someone in the stands can clearly see every play.

If he is no being co-operative with taking medication he most likely will even become violent if he hasn't already and take a step back and see how this might really be affecting the children. Watch them and their actions around him, 1 or more of them has probably already become withdrawn. Hopefully not.

This is a decision only you can make but I think you already have and you just want someone to confirm that you are doing what's right.

You know most women tend to have lot's of guilt feelings very easily, I almost admire those people that don't seem to feel guilt.

As far as the things you mentioned about expecting sex all the time, not doing anything around the house and several of those other complaints, that may be more of machismo that Bi polar, either way they will treat us however we allow them to. If you tolerate it they generally will keep doing it.

You said you are utterly alone , well it's better to be alone than alone and miserable.

 

One last set of questions you should ask yourself, you mentioned your mom needs the help anyway would you go to help your mom if you were happy in the marriage? and are you going to be able to live with her and 3 kids for very long without going nuts as well? As far as you not working, no money etc. that's only temporary if you want it to be.

As far as staying for the kids sake that doesn't make sense because if you are both unhappy the two of you are surely making them unhappy too. They " FEEL" what you feel.

Whatever you do make sure those children are getting their emotional needs met.

Good luck and be Happy