listen2love Posted June 13, 2012 Share Posted June 13, 2012 My wife of 15 years without children served me 3 months ago. I have since gotten alot of video surveilance, through a private investigator, that proves an intimate relationship. Does anyone have experience that this will help in my case? Link to post Share on other sites
thatone Posted June 13, 2012 Share Posted June 13, 2012 (edited) don't take legal advice from a forum, that's why they have attorneys. as for how you treat her, that we can help with. confront her immediately. if the guy is married tell his wife. tell co-workers, tell friends, tell her relatives, cut off cell phones and credit cards, tell her she needs to move out. you give her as many consequences as possible for her actions. document everything, have an attorney ready when doing all of this. Edited June 13, 2012 by thatone Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted June 13, 2012 Share Posted June 13, 2012 My wife of 15 years without children served me 3 months ago. I have since gotten alot of video surveilance, through a private investigator, that proves an intimate relationship. Does anyone have experience that this will help in my case? I agree with thatone about not using an internet forum as your source of legal advice. Having said that, perhaps we can help you refine your thought process somewhat. But to do that, we'd need to understand your question in more detail. You want to know if it would "help in your case." What does that mean? What are you hoping to accomplish? Do you want to use this to strike at her, punish her, make her suffer in the divorce proceedings? Or do you anticipate her being hostile, and you want this as a trump card to pull out to blunt her attacks? Or do you just want it over quickly, and you can let her know that you hold this card so she won't go after you aggressively? These are all different ways someone might imagine using this information - what's your approach here? Link to post Share on other sites
123321 Posted June 13, 2012 Share Posted June 13, 2012 My wife of 15 years without children served me 3 months ago. I have since gotten alot of video surveilance, through a private investigator, that proves an intimate relationship. Does anyone have experience that this will help in my case? Varies State to State but see a lawyer, and don't expect her extracurricular activities to make much difference since you were already separated. Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted June 13, 2012 Share Posted June 13, 2012 Particularly with no children most judges won't care. Link to post Share on other sites
Author listen2love Posted June 13, 2012 Author Share Posted June 13, 2012 (edited) I am hoping it wont go as far as court. Or do you anticipate her being hostile, and you want this as a trump card to pull out to blunt her attacks? Or do you just want it over quickly, and you can let her know that you hold this card so she won't go after you aggressively? These are the things I would like to see happen. Edited June 13, 2012 by listen2love Link to post Share on other sites
Author listen2love Posted June 14, 2012 Author Share Posted June 14, 2012 I dont want it to be long and drawn out and definately dont want to go to court. I just want to split things and move on. My attorney wants me to hold this information in case we need it later. I do have other evidence of infidelity on her for the last 3 years with other guys (I was in denial until I got served). I do know for a fact she has been seeing this married guy prior to her filing but no evidence like the PI video/surveilance of recent. I was hoping to use this to speed things up and to push her into a speedy decision. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 This divorce should be simple, quick and as painless as possible. DO NOT PAY HER alimony. Since you two do not have children you don't owe her that way. Divide things up equally (house, cars etc) and hope that she just wants out too, and doesn't get greedy. I guess your trump card is the info about her cheating and being with someone else. Hopefully NO judge will make you pay her ailmony. If anything she should pay you since she is the one pushing for divorce! Anyway, go hire a lawyer and protect yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author listen2love Posted June 14, 2012 Author Share Posted June 14, 2012 Alimony is not in question yet. she has been employed for last 10 years and brings home 2 3rds what i do. I feel she is going to try to claim "abuse" from me ranting/yelling for years of her money and men infidelities. Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 Is the infidelity capable of destroying her life ? Or the history of her infidelity ? If she served you, she got to decide how the D proceeds. Which means she probably went for no-fault. Any way to make the info about her infidelities public through the trial, to make it a matter of public record ? Most women are very sensitive to how they are perceived by society so this might have a great effect on her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author listen2love Posted June 15, 2012 Author Share Posted June 15, 2012 (edited) Thank you Radu. I have been wondering how to best use the info I have. Saving the hardcore silent video for trial but possibly contacting her lover. (which is married with children-and i certainly dont believe he is planning to divorce like he is making out to my wife) Or saying a little something to my wife. I feel like my attorneys may use a little of this info during proposals (which should start happening any day) I HAVE REALY THOUGHT ABOUT CATCHING THEM IN BED AT OUR HOME. THERE IS A GOOD CHANCE OF ME DOING SO COMING UP IN A FEW DAYS. SOME WAY TO GET HIM TO DRAW AWAY FROM HER (FEAR OF HIS FAMILY FINDING OUT) SO THAT SHE MAY BE A LITTLE MORE HASTY WITH THE DIVORCE TO GET HIM COMING BACK. Edited June 15, 2012 by listen2love left something out Link to post Share on other sites
123321 Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 Oh for godsake just let it go already. Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 I HAVE REALY THOUGHT ABOUT CATCHING THEM IN BED AT OUR HOME. THERE IS A GOOD CHANCE OF ME DOING SO COMING UP IN A FEW DAYS. SOME WAY TO GET HIM TO DRAW AWAY FROM HER (FEAR OF HIS FAMILY FINDING OUT) SO THAT SHE MAY BE A LITTLE MORE HASTY WITH THE DIVORCE TO GET HIM COMING BACK. What could possibly go wrong? Beware the spectre of unintended consequences. Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 Thank you Radu. I have been wondering how to best use the info I have. Saving the hardcore silent video for trial but possibly contacting her lover. (which is married with children-and i certainly dont believe he is planning to divorce like he is making out to my wife) Or saying a little something to my wife. I feel like my attorneys may use a little of this info during proposals (which should start happening any day) I HAVE REALY THOUGHT ABOUT CATCHING THEM IN BED AT OUR HOME. THERE IS A GOOD CHANCE OF ME DOING SO COMING UP IN A FEW DAYS. SOME WAY TO GET HIM TO DRAW AWAY FROM HER (FEAR OF HIS FAMILY FINDING OUT) SO THAT SHE MAY BE A LITTLE MORE HASTY WITH THE DIVORCE TO GET HIM COMING BACK. If you do that and the info could help you in the divorce proceedings you will have tipped off your hand. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 Welcome to LS Texas is a no-fault state and presumably she filed a no-fault petition. Presuming you filed an answer within 20 days, you could be done already, since the cooling off period is 61 days from filing and you're at or over 90 days now. IMO, just keep it business and minimize collateral damage. You spent some valuable assets on a PI gathering information and are spending more on asking a lawyer how to best use that information. In a no-fault action the judge/court doesn't care. All pursuing it will do is chew up time and pile up legal fees. Let it go. Mediate, settle it out, get the judgment filed and move on. She's employed so support is a non-issue. No kids. Over and done. If you want to air your private marital business, I guess that's your prerogative. IMO, it just won't help one bit with the divorce, especially if she's a serial cheater. She's hardened. A video will be unlikely to move her, except maybe to laughter. The woman you thought you knew and loved is gone. What remains is an alien who is in no way predictable. Don't even try. Good luck. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author listen2love Posted June 19, 2012 Author Share Posted June 19, 2012 (edited) Thank you carhill, very good advice semi-too late. I believe she is fixing to shift it to a fault divorce?? I heard her tell her friend she has the proposal all together but she is going to hold off and get some info to her attorney to try to get me out of the house. I definately feel she is going to try to get me out of the house. She surely doesnt want me here. Edited June 19, 2012 by listen2love Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 According to online sources, appropriate grounds for divorce in Texas are: 1) cruelty; 2) adultery; 3) conviction of a felony (imprisoned for at least 1 year without a pardon); 4) abandonment (for at least 1 year); 5) living apart (without cohabitation for 3 years); and/or 6) confinement in a mental hospital (for at least 3 years). Can you envision any of these grounds being provable by her against you to the satisfaction of the court? Also, it will cost more money for her to draft and re-file a new petition with the court. Does she have the financial resources to prosecute such an action? Fault divorces can be very expensive, mainly due to the burden of proof. As the petitioner, that burden would be upon her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author listen2love Posted June 20, 2012 Author Share Posted June 20, 2012 So, she would have to back up, spend a bunch more money to re-file fault. Have some sort of hard core proof of one of the aformentioned grounds (even if any of those had happened). Did have an emotional affair 4-5 years ago but there wasnt any adultery. And with a new re-file of fault there would be new restraining order that would ask for me to be out of house on these new grounds. That should be tough to get approved since we have been successfully living together since she filed March 9?? I am really stressing out on the thought of getting kicked out of the house, especially since I have been carrying all the bill paying burden since January (she stopped helping at that time-should have known then-and I aggreed to keep paying all by my attorneys suggestion). Link to post Share on other sites
SomedayDig Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 L2L...I might be talking out of turn here, but if you've been carrying all the bill paying since January why would she kick YOU out of the house. If she can't pay then she can't play. And if she wants to play, brother...well, let her play and fail. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 OP, how common is it in Texas for a spouse to be 'kicked out' of the marital home; by that, I mean forcibly evicted by the sheriff as a result of a court order as part of a divorce proceeding? You're talking like it is not only proscribed in statute but pretty commonplace. If the man with the gun tells me to go, yeah, I'll go, but not one microsecond prior. YMMV. A man's home is his castle. Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 (edited) Thank you carhill, very good advice semi-too late. I am really stressing out on the thought of getting kicked out of the house... It sound like these are really things you should be getting your attorney's advice on - why did Carhill's advice come "semi-too late" and why hasn't your attorney been advising you in a "not-too late" fashion on these subjects? All props to Carhill for digging into Texas divorce law on your behalf, but your attorney should be doing this, and you want him to be helping you stay a step ahead of your spouse, but it doesn't sound like that is happening... Please don't substitute advice from the internet and your own assumptions for good legal advice that will help you stay on top of this situation as it develops, OK? Edited June 20, 2012 by Trimmer Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 Yes, that's odd; of course, all the PI stuff, which I know is expensive, is also out of the norm for separation/divorce cases, even with infidelity. In our case, as soon as I heard the words 'separate' and 'divorce' even uttered, I checked with my law firm to see if someone in-house could give me some al-a-carte crash planning strategies, what I refer to on LS as 'PlanB'. Once it got down to the divorce stuff itself, the advice was 'if she's not adversarial, don't pay us the 350 per, mediate it and do it yourself. We're here if you need us'. That's what I did. I'll echo Trimmer's perspective regarding proactive and forward-thinking lawyering. Critical, IMO. It also cuts your stress and worry levels. Link to post Share on other sites
Author listen2love Posted June 21, 2012 Author Share Posted June 21, 2012 So, I take that its very hard to get removed from home at this point? Link to post Share on other sites
thatone Posted June 21, 2012 Share Posted June 21, 2012 So, I take that its very hard to get removed from home at this point? at any point. how many people do you know that got thrown out of their own house without being foreclosed on? think. Link to post Share on other sites
Author listen2love Posted July 10, 2012 Author Share Posted July 10, 2012 So we are 4 months now since she filed and she still hasnt made an offer as to what she wants in the divorce but says she has given all information to her attorney 2 weeks ago. (there is no communication between my wife and I unless we see each other in the hallway of the house) Her attorney told mine today that she is surprised to hear that my wife said that and that she hasnt heard or seen anything from her in several weeks. I dont know if she is just dragging her feet or playing games. My attorney doesnt feel that her attorney is lying or trying to pull the wool over his eyes as he puts it. What could she be doing? I know she wants to move on but wont finish this off. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts