Old friend & flame hunted me down and I am engaged

[RickFox]

Everyone here is correct.

 

Bottom line, you cannot hep someone who refuses to help themselves.

 

You will be used if you choose to go to him. He's a leech. Take heed to all the warnings given. Also, you don't owe him closure, you simply needed to turn your back and walk away.

[YellowShark]

The only reason he has contacted you is to use you allhungup. If you let him into your world you WILL be poisoned by his toxicity. It's a dead-end full of pain and sickness.

 

RUN AWAY! NOW!

[Mme. Chaucer]

I think the running that happened was in the direction of the drama, not away from it.

[Radu]

Thanks for the responses. I need to hear that from others even though I know what I have to do at some level. Just need the extra push so my mind can win out over my heart.

 

You are exactly right, I can't fix him now, just as I couldn't 10 years ago. And if he really cared that much about our friendship, why did it take him to be in such a desperate place to make the connection? He says it's because he's now broken up and that he wanted to so many times, but couldn't because of his woman at the time.

 

It just hurts me because I could always see the goodness in him and his potential. I need to stop holding a torch for smart and creatively passionate person I knew, because I doubt that person even exists any more after all the hard drug use.

 

I wish I could feel more closure, but life just isn't fair like that.

 

You have unresolved issues with your fiance as well.

You let yourself get into this mess, you need to tell him exactly what you wrote in this thread so you both can take action and do some pre-marital counseling.

 

Maybe i'm a hardass, but in my book, you are already cheating on your husband by telling him it's just an old friend when you know it isn't so.

You have already lied to him, from now on it's only going to get easier and easier.

FFS, even you admit he's an OM.

 

Your friend may have problems, but they are HIS problems, not yours.

You have your own problems to deal with, and you need to take a good hard look at this old friend of yours because you are on the slippery slope to messing up your life like he did [just not through drugs].

 

And even if you do tell him, don't let him forgive you, let you off the hook with 'i love you anyway', you messed up.

If you don't pay for it, your marriage is already doomed and your selfishness will destroy the lives of everyone you bring into it from your future ex-husband to your future kids.

 

Also, saying 'the heart wants what it wants' is actually a way to rationalize away the guilt you feel.

To relieve yourself of the responsability.

Edited June 15, 2012 by Radu

[nofool4u]

Wish me luck. I'm going to be talking to the OM tonight to bring closure to our past.

 

That still doesn't solve the problem of your unsuspecting fiance about to marry a woman who will pine for another man. He deserves better than that.