cowboy-frank Posted June 30, 2004 Share Posted June 30, 2004 Hello I have situation i probably shouldnt be worrying but i needs ur guys help basically this is what happened last week i had a bit of an argument with my g/f cause her frinds from work want her 2 go 2 clubs wit her. Most of her friends from work cheat on their boyfriends. anyways after a while she agreed to not go 2 the club because i was worried about the bad thigns that go on at clubs (exampes : sexual dancing, drugs, etc) Well now only a few days later she has brought it up again saying she wants to go, her friends from work talked 2 her again and said their not really clubs but just "Bars" and to be honest i dont see how thats any better. plus the fact that the club is a re-known neighbourhood full of clubs where sexual stuff goes on. my issue is i dont want her 2 go, i asked her not 2 go 4 me but she says she doesnt wanna have to choose (between me and her friends from work), also she said she is going even tho i told her it hurts me. she told me she wouldnt dance with other guys but after a few drinks and pressure from her friends i think she may. please tell me what you think? Link to post Share on other sites
Good2Go Posted June 30, 2004 Share Posted June 30, 2004 I think if you are involved with a woman who is happy going out WITHOUT YOU, then you are wasting you time. Doesn't mean she's a bad person, just means she's not ready to settle down. Why don't you tell her to go ahead and go out with friends and when both of you are free, you'll go out together. In between though...she is free and you are free. If you want to lay low while she parties hardy, then fine, but what kind of wife will that make? Link to post Share on other sites
swtbonita Posted June 30, 2004 Share Posted June 30, 2004 you have to look at how often she sees her friends? do you trust her? do you understand that there are times that a women needs to just relax with friends.. just as many guys want to do with their friends My bf goes out with his friends every once and a while and i trust him.. i know the friends he goes out with.. some not the best role models but thats ok because my bf is happy to be in a relationship and all of his friends know that.. instead you should ask why you have so much doubt in your gf.. maybe if she went out and called you after she got home you would feel better.. i don't go out to clubs or bars cause they make me uncomfortable but i also think she deserves to be trusted if she wants to go to them... if i want to go to a club my bf would probably worry but he would trust me.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cowboy-frank Posted June 30, 2004 Author Share Posted June 30, 2004 i completely trust her, i lover her very much and under normal circumstances i would have no doubt she wouldnt dance/cheat with other guys and such. but her friends from work tend 2 pressure her into things and my worry is they will presure her into stuff and while normally she would not do anything, if she had a few drinks things may change. Link to post Share on other sites
swtbonita Posted June 30, 2004 Share Posted June 30, 2004 then why don't you just ask her not to drink while she is out.. because you are worried about her.. tell her that it would make you feel alot better if she just made you that promise.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cowboy-frank Posted June 30, 2004 Author Share Posted June 30, 2004 i have, i asked her 2 drink responsably but who knows, at bars anything can happen Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted June 30, 2004 Share Posted June 30, 2004 That's true. You probably don't want a woman to be with you because you roped her to you, cowboy. She has to be free, and she has to deal with the consequences if 1) she screws up, and 2) you can't handle it. I don't blame you for feeling the way you do. But maybe it's not a bad idea to turn her loose out in the world and see what she does. I don't mean spy on her. You just have to know that if anything bad happens, you'll find out somehow sooner or later. And whatever it is you'll be ok. If she can go to a place like that and remain faithful, then that's a good sign. If she wants to go right back out the next weekend, that's a bad sign. If I were you I would try not to bring it up anymore. Decide to trust her, but don't be blind. Easier said than done, but if you can do it, you'll impress both of you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cowboy-frank Posted June 30, 2004 Author Share Posted June 30, 2004 . Link to post Share on other sites
XYZ Posted June 30, 2004 Share Posted June 30, 2004 Hey man! If I were you, I would go spy on her... Maybe this is not the right thing to do but it is in my blood. I wouldn't trust bunch of girls (most of them are cheaters as well) who are going to drink in a bar. Go check it out secretly! Maybe this is a wrong advice but this is my personal thought... At least I would make sure that se is safe... Link to post Share on other sites
wanker86 Posted June 30, 2004 Share Posted June 30, 2004 hey man, i know what youre feeling right now, i went through the same thing. actually, i still hate when she wants to go out dancing at clubs (i know i sound like a 50 year old man, but the idea of my gf rubbing her a$$ all over some random dude makes me sick). i talked to ehr about it, and came to the following conclusion: its not that i dont trust her, its that i dont trust the random (often sketchy) people around her at clubs/bars. there are some creepy people out there and i dont feel comfortable thinking that she might get taken advantage of at a club. i dont know if that makes sense, but she now doesnt go to clubs because she too has come to realize how creepy many guys are at clubs. Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted July 1, 2004 Share Posted July 1, 2004 This woman is your partner not your daughter. You are treating her like a child. Discussing your concerns with her was the right thing to do, it sounds like she has compromised to try and reassure you. I'm not sure that telling her you don't believe she will stick to what she has agreed will be very helpful in the long run. That is a lack of trust, even if you feel it is justified. I think if you are involved with a woman who is happy going out WITHOUT YOU, then you are wasting you time. Doesn't mean she's a bad person, just means she's not ready to settle down. Not true for me or anyone I know Grow up guys or your girlfriends will find themselves someone who treats them with a little more respect and maturity. Link to post Share on other sites
YellowLioness Posted July 2, 2004 Share Posted July 2, 2004 I agree with you meanon. I love my boyfriend to death. We're going to get engaged soon. However, I still need time wtih my friends. My friends are all involved in relationships, and all are trustworthy, but sure, I'd go to a bar with them with out my BF. I love him, but everyone needs SOME personal space. *shrugs* people are going to do what they want to do eventually. even if you control her actions now, eventually she will want to break away from that control. best to let her do what she wants to do and be supportive of her then try to keep her close and lose her via suffocation. Link to post Share on other sites
Bubbles Posted July 2, 2004 Share Posted July 2, 2004 cowboy-frank, You don't trust her at all! If you read over what you have written here.......you say to us (and to yourself) that you trust her but you don't really. Why #1 would you say that ALL of her friends from work screw around on their boyfriends? Do you have proof? Why #2 do you feel that you have to ask her not to drink? or even state a limit? If you don't trust her to be around her girlfriends and have two drinks then; you do not trust her. Has she done something in the past to not have your trust? or do you simply no trust her because of your own fears? You need to figure that out. If she has done something in the past DIRECTLY relating to YOU. Then fine. But if it is your own fear that she will do something wrong.....l..then I have this to say.................. You get what you give. If you don't give her trust...........you don't deserve it yourself. I hope you can get this worked out! Bubbles Link to post Share on other sites
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