feeling like I hate him

[beyond]

Never, ever thought I would hate him, even though I've probably had more reason to in the past than I have now - maybe it's all just starting to pour out of me like some kind of poisonous boil that has finally been lanced.

 

I have been NC for weeks. He has contacted me - 'I love you' etc and I've been ok (ish) ignoring him. Then he sends me a text about finally leaving his wife in next few weeks. I stupidly replied, we got talking, yada yada...want to start afresh.

 

Then something comes up about his house that is for sale (when its sold he told me plan is to split money and both of them go separate ways with him staying close to have contact with children. I notice his property had been removed from market at weekend so ask him why (he first denied it had been even though it is on public property website!). He then says he doesn't know why and will ask wife (!!) Then comes back to me later that night and says withdrawn because they are in negative equity so can't sell. We row about this as it seems to be a big thing for him not to know (as he claims) that house was withdrawn - how come his wife knew and he didn't - they live together!

 

Anyway text back and forth and he says something about not loving his wife as she talks a lot about love and emotion but only talks about it, doesn't put it into actions. He says in that way she reminds him of me!!!!!

 

I am sooooooooooooooooo bloody furious!!!!!! How he has yet again turned this all into being my fault ( i wont sleep with him while he is still married, so that is me being 'unloving') I loved him years ago, for those of you who remember my story, and I loved him the past year or so as we re connected, but I swear I feel like I hate him right now.

 

He does nothing but talk about how he wants to leave, he loves me, he was leaving anyway etc, but does nothing and yet he accuses me of being 'all words, no action.

 

I'm sorry to vent on here, but if I don't I'm not sure what I might do!!!!!

[skywriter]

I hope this contact hasn't set you back too much.

 

I've made it 4 weeks and it's been hard and at the same time I've also felt the burden lifting from being with a MM.

 

I own my responsibility for my choices, so I try to direct my anger at myself, moreso than the MM.

 

I blame myself for not getting to know him better before getting involved with him physically as well.

 

If I'd taken my time, gotten to really know him, I don't believe we would've gotten involved. We just think differently. My fault.

 

I understand what you are saying about talk and actions not adding up.

 

I used that phrase with the ex-MM many times.

[beyond]

I hope this contact hasn't set you back too much.

 

I've made it 4 weeks and it's been hard and at the same time I've also felt the burden lifting from being with a MM.

 

I own my responsibility for my choices, so I try to direct my anger at myself, moreso than the MM.

 

I blame myself for not getting to know him better before getting involved with him physically as well.

 

If I'd taken my time, gotten to really know him, I don't believe we would've gotten involved. We just think differently. My fault.

 

Thanks SW,

 

Well done for going 4 weeks. I do understand about taking responsibility for own choices, but please don't direct anger at yourself! I did that the first time we broke up (years ago) and it turned to depression. Take responsibility for your actions and vow never to make the same mistakes again and then forgive yourself - we are all human and mess up.

 

I feel so strange because I have NEVER felt hatred for MM before, only myself. Hopefully the feeling will pass and I will feel indiference.

[skywriter]

You have a right to be angry after doing so well with your NC, only to have him fill you up with a load of bullshyte!

 

I'm saying the same thing about the indifference. I look forward to getting there too.

 

Thanks for what you told me about the depression. I've been considering going to the Dr. actually.

 

Trying the diet, excercise and getting rest route first.

[beyond]

You have a right to be angry after doing so well with your NC, only to have him fill you up with a load of bullshyte!

 

I'm saying the same thing about the indifference. I look forward to getting there too.

 

Thanks for what you told me about the depression. I've been considering going to the Dr. actually.

 

Trying the diet, excercise and getting rest route first.

 

Well, yes about the bullshyte, but as I've listened to it (and believed it) before, I can hardly blame him for thinking I might fall for it again. Yes, he's a git for contacting me, but I left that avenue open to him .

 

The diet, rest, exercise route is best route to go. I did the 'sit on the couch, eat to fill the emptiness inside and stay up all night blaming myself' route the first time around and sunk into a really nasty place. I feel crap this time, but it's 'normal' crap, not like back then.

Edited June 13, 2012 by beyond

[whichwayisup]

Tell him, "next time I hear from you, you will be officially divorced. Anything short of that, I want NOTHING to do with you. Maybe once you're divorced I will consider casual dating you."

 

The guy is a piece of work. Don't believe a word he is telling you about the house being on the market. Such crap.

 

He just wants you as a soft landing spot and to keep the A going.

 

Good for you, so stay strong and don't cave. Use that anger to help you work through this and see him for who he is.

 

If he does divorce, then you can decide if you want to date him or not. It should make NO difference to him or affect his divorce if you are there or not. if he is really divorcing let it be because he wants out of his marriage, reguardless if he ends up alone or with you.

[beyond]

Tell him, "next time I hear from you, you will be officially divorced. Anything short of that, I want NOTHING to do with you. Maybe once you're divorced I will consider casual dating you."

 

The guy is a piece of work. Don't believe a word he is telling you about the house being on the market. Such crap.

 

He just wants you as a soft landing spot and to keep the A going.

 

Good for you, so stay strong and don't cave. Use that anger to help you work through this and see him for who he is.

 

If he does divorce, then you can decide if you want to date him or not. It should make NO difference to him or affect his divorce if you are there or not. if he is really divorcing let it be because he wants out of his marriage, reguardless if he ends up alone or with you.

 

Thanks Whichway, I sometimes feel as if I'm going mad, so its good to get someones opinion who isn't emotionally involved in all this. I'm not going to tell him to only contact me again when he's divorced. I've done that before and he takes no notice, just contacts me anyway - and I answer him at some point, so my fault too.

 

The anger is definitely letting me work through this and seeing him for what he is. I can think of three things off the top of my head which has done or said in last few months which has actually changed how I feel about him. Not that I can just turn off the love I feel, but they have chipped away at it and numbed me slightly. I know without any doubt that I can cope without him and would be 'better off' in everyway without this drama.