I think I have mother issues

[SpiralOut]

This is mostly to blow off steam. I'm too embarassed about it to tell anyone in real life, though at some point I should probably try and talk to a counsellor about it.

 

It is slowly dawning on me that I have issues with my mother. Most of my life, whenever someone reminds me of her, I will think "she is just like my mohter!" and I'll feel angry.

 

I think she overstepped some boundaries with me when raising me, mostly regarding my sexuality. For example at age 13 she decided to give me sex education. She gave me books to read which was fine. At school, we were learning sex-ed. One day she decided I was going to watch a sex-ed video with her. I told her I had already seen the exact same one already but she didn't care. I was going to watch it whether I liked it or not. We had a screaming match over it. I ended up sitting on the couch with my mother in the chair next to me, watching a video about penis and vaginas. It was humiliating.

 

Throughout highschool when I had a bf, she would every so often ask me if I needed her to take me to the hospital to get birth control pills. One time after prom she asked me if I needed to get a morning after pill!! I wasn't even having sex and I told her that but she didn't believe me.

 

When I was 21 and I went on a trip to see a male friend (okay, he wasn't just a friend) she kept getting on my back about where was I going to sleep when I got there. That is none of her business. I was paying for half of the airfair, not her. I was 21, an adult and no longer living in her house fulltime (I was there for the summer between college semesters). She may as well have asked me "are you planning to have sex with him." That's what she wanted to know.

 

I came out of my room while my aunt and grandmother was visiting and she was gossiping with them about whether or not I would be having sex with this male friend I was visiting. I felt absolutely mortified.

 

There's probably more I can't remember right now, but that's most of it. I also grew up with an unjustified hatred towards stay-at-home mothers. That attitude came from her, I am now realizing. She has always encouraged me to focus on my education. Whenever my friends get married or get pregnant, she is not happy. She looks down on them for it. Unless of course they have a career already, then of course she thinks its okay.

 

Not sure what response I am looking for here. It's really upsetting me to realize all this. I also have sexual issues. I wonder if this is why.