Counselling - optimal approach?

[Silly_Girl]

I have weekly counselling. I started counselling a couple of years ago to deal with a traumatic break-up and returned this year after workplace pressure triggered depression and anxiety. I was very unwell.

 

I have been lucky enough to be off work for an extended period, then made redundant. I have done my best to make the time count and reconnect with myself, friends and family and get much fitter, and as a result I am happier in/with myself than I ever have been in my entire life

 

I am dealing with some issues that can get to me at times, they can come in and knock me sideways temporarily. Hence I persist with the counselling.

 

If you've had counselling and found it to be useful, what is your advice for getting the most out of it?

 

I love the 'drawer-tidying' analogy; empty your crammed, messy drawers, shake everything off, maybe throw a couple of bits away, tidy everything and put it back neatly. It feels great and leaves room for more 'stuff'. When they're messed-up again, repeat the process.

 

But how does one ensure there's value in the process? I'm just curious as to whether others in my position have had an agenda. I have days where I feel I've nothing I need to discuss but I'm not ready to be cut loose because I've some difficult things coming up and I'm going to need her/my sessions.

 

I know it's an odd question, thanks for any advice

[denise_xo]

My basic criteria are bit like this:

 

- I should generally feel better after a counselling session than before I went in (not necessarily 'happier', just knowing that I've achieved something, whether that's an altered emotional state, a practical strategy, a new perspective)

 

- I think a good counsellor should be capable of helping me put practical strategies in place (e.g. in your example of something difficult coming up, talking in advance how to prepare for that). I think there's a value in discussing past issues and so on, but I also need a forward looking, 'what are the implications for the future' kind of focus where it adds value to what's ahead.

[FitChick]

I found it a colossal waste of time and money. I got the same advice from girlfriends for free. I went to many different types of therapists, some of whom were on TV and wrote best selling books. Only the Lefkoe Method was worthwhile and productive. I don't think they have it in the UK yet. Everyone has to find what works for them.

[carhill]

If you've had counseling and found it to be useful, what is your advice for getting the most out of it?

1. Identify the work. This is generally done through introspection.

 

2. Qualify the counselor. Throw a challenge at them up front. See what comes back and if it fits with the work one wishes to do. If it doesn't, discuss that and request a professional referral.

 

3. Make a commitment. Think of it as a job. The pay is a healthier psyche.

 

4. Practice, practice, practice. Whatever the takeaway is from the sessions, put it into use. Flow it into everyday life immediately. Immerse.

 

5. See the big picture. If one wishes to change and grow, that's life work. It will affect nearly all aspects of life, including work, friendships, family and intimate relationships. Accept that life will change.

 

 

Our psychologist, who specializes in forensics (childhood/FOO) and rape/molestation, never gave any advice. He asked a lot of questions and challenged a lot of statements and remembered everything without ever taking any notes. He had a mind like a steel trap; one I couldn't evade. He still has my respect, even though our M failed. I think my exW and I both learned a lot from the year + of MC. That we have a cordial relationship today is testament. In fact, just today, she e-mailed me asking if I wanted my childhood bed back, a special trundle bed I had given to her in the D. She could have just tossed it or sold it but she checked with me first. That's how it goes with us.

Edited June 14, 2012 by carhill

[Silly_Girl]

Did your counsellor give you this analogy? If they did, I recommend you look for another because I couldn't disagree more with the bolded.

 

The goal of a worthy counsellor is to help you empty your drawer, examine the contents, improve upon some contents, throw some contents away, and help you gain skills so that the drawer doesn't get messy again. The best counsellor is one who has the goal of helping you so that you never need to see them again.

 

Your expectation should be that you get enough from them so you can handle things on your own.

 

This is interesting, you make a very good point, I know two counsellors socially and both are of the opinion that - over time - work, family, relationship or whatever, pressures may (or may not) mount up and leave you with new challenges that you might benefit from returning briefly to your therapist, albeit briefly. I don't know whether that's because it's their recommendation or because it's a pattern they see with clients.

[Silly_Girl]

I found it a colossal waste of time and money. I got the same advice from girlfriends for free. I went to many different types of therapists, some of whom were on TV and wrote best selling books. Only the Lefkoe Method was worthwhile and productive. I don't think they have it in the UK yet. Everyone has to find what works for them.

 

Agree with your last statement. My friends would not challenge me in quite the same way, so for me it's been valuable. I'll google Lefkoe.

[Silly_Girl]

My basic criteria are bit like this:

 

- I should generally feel better after a counselling session than before I went in (not necessarily 'happier', just knowing that I've achieved something, whether that's an altered emotional state, a practical strategy, a new perspective)

 

- I think a good counsellor should be capable of helping me put practical strategies in place (e.g. in your example of something difficult coming up, talking in advance how to prepare for that). I think there's a value in discussing past issues and so on, but I also need a forward looking, 'what are the implications for the future' kind of focus where it adds value to what's ahead.

 

Thanks for this.

 

I absolutely always feel better after, more at peace, and on stressful days before some recent issues were resolved, I almost had an urgency to get there because I knew that the process would benefit me almost instantaneously. For example, bullying from my violent ex-partner - I arrived teary and hyperventilating and left feeling ready to tackle things in a methodical way. Although to be fair he affects me in a way no one and nothing else ever has/does so it's an extreme example.

 

And your second paragraph, my counsellor rarely is interested in anything in the past unless I hit an obstacle in dealing with things in my life today. And that's what's important to me. I'm trying to learn (practically, not just on paper if you see what I mean) how to spot/prevent the early signs of depression/anxiety and what works for me to achieve that.

[Silly_Girl]

 

4. Practice, practice, practice. Whatever the takeaway is from the sessions, put it into use. Flow it into everyday life immediately. Immerse.

 

5. See the big picture. If one wishes to change and grow, that's life work. It will affect nearly all aspects of life, including work, friendships, family and intimate relationships. Accept that life will change.

 

 

Thanks. These resonate with me the most, of your points. Initially I was disconcerted by the changes in me, a lot of which were managed by me prior to restarting counselling but the change continues and I'm really embracing it now. I joke I've had 'an early mid-life' but really I've just worked through a lot of stuff and feel like I've stepped out of a fog cloud. Wish I'd done it years ago. I guess I wasn't ready.

[Mr Scorpio]

The only real benefit I've ever found from counseling is the ability to discuss my issues with an impartial observer who is outside of my everyday life. I don't need my family or friends knowing what goes through my head, what I think of myself, and what I expect my future holds.