kitana2010 Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 I posted a while ago about my bizarre relationship with my coworker. I'm married, he's engaged with a baby. Both of us were having a tough time in our relationship and decided to become FWB, which was actually pretty easy for both of us. All 4 of us (his GF, my husband) would all hangout every weekend, and it was never awkward. After a little incident a while ago (my old posting) we talked it over, and decided to go back to being just friends. We were even planning on all 4 of us moving in together to save money (we're all in our early 20s) Long story short, these last few weeks have been great.. no drama, no sex, just goofing off.. but this morning, his GF snooped thru his phone and found old text messages.. He texted me a while later and said she wasn't angry with me, and that she was just hurt and we could still be friends and "talk" but it would take a while for her to be able to hangout with me again. I get that.. But heres my problem.. part of me wants to just tell him that we need to stop being friends, go back to coworkers and leave the past in the past. The other part of me wants to fix this, because he's one of the best friends I've ever had.. I think I might even care too much for him (not love.. but I feel it could go there eventually) My marriage is falling apart, and it will be over soon.. I can tell. My husbands been cheating, drinking, and not coming home.. its only a matter of time. I feel like my whole world is caving in on me and I'm going to have to let the last good person in my life that I care about go because of a HUGE mistake. Has anyone ever been in a situation even close to this? I need advice.. should I tell him the truth about my feelings and risk losing him forever? Not tell him and try to fix things? Or just cut off all communication and let him live his life blissfully unaware? What would you do in my place? As friends, we really do click.. better than any friend I've ever had.. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 First things first, sort out your own life before doing anything about the other guy. You can only handle so much. Just tell your husband the marriage isn't working anymore and you want a divorce. I'm sure he'll happily give you a D since he is cheating, drinking and is probably as unhappy as you are. When it comes to the other guy, let it go for a while. Things need to cool down, the dynamic has to change. Plus, his gf is hurt and needs time to think this through. She could very well change her mind and NOT want you in their lives.. If that happens then you need to respect that and leave him(them) alone. Keep busy. Spend time with family and other friends.. Men and women (either married or not) can be friends but it always gets complicated when one or both develop feelings. It's different of course when both are single but this isn't the case. It's hard to be around someone you want but can't have. Why suffer? why put yourself through it? Expect nothing, no friendship for a long time. And if you two can be friends at some point in the future, it won't be the same. Boundries and lines will have to be put in place. TOTALLY PLATONIC and safe. Link to post Share on other sites
woinlove Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 (edited) I agree with wwiu's advice. Since the gf only found out this morning, I would not take her initial reaction to be the last reaction. People often talk about a roller coaster of emotions upon finding out about infidelity. With a newborn baby (which from your earlier post can't be more than a few weeks old), wedding coming up, and now this involving her fiancé and friend, her initial reaction is likely shock. The hurt won't disappear, but anger other other emotions may come later. Also, who knows what she knows. The texts she found may not have told the whole story and her bf may or may not have been completely honest with her. If he wasn't, the truth may still come out. So, wwiu's advice not to count on anything and to get your own life with your H in shape, probably by divorcing, is good. Edited June 14, 2012 by woinlove Link to post Share on other sites
YellowShark Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 I need advice.. should I tell him the truth about my feelings and risk losing him forever? Not tell him and try to fix things? Or just cut off all communication and let him live his life blissfully unaware? What would you do in my place? As friends, we really do click.. better than any friend I've ever had.. Friends don't lie and cheat on each other. You need to really re-examine the definition of loyalty and friendship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 It really sounds like a monumental cluster. You're planning on all becoming roommates? But your own marriage will be over soon? I suggest you forget all about this other couple while you get through whatever it is you need to do in your own marriage, like get a divorce. Your idea of your great "friendships" makes me sad. None of what you describe is good friendship. Boundaries are very good and healthy for all areas of a person's life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kitana2010 Posted June 14, 2012 Author Share Posted June 14, 2012 I read your replies, and did a lot of soul searching last night and you guys are right.. I know what I need to do. Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
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