Author dscl Posted August 26, 2012 Author Share Posted August 26, 2012 Update: So wife finally saw the letter unfortunately it could have not been at a worst time. Friday night we where driving my daughter to a school dance, me and the daughter waiting for the wife to get in. When I see her come out of the house I see that she has the letter in her hand. She starts to read it and get in the car. Once inside she starts talking about I can't believe "You" think you are going to child support for me! She then starts talking about what a joke this is and how she is going to get her lawyer to send me the same thing. Mind you this is all going on in the car with our daughter sitting in the back seat. I tell her that this is not the time or place to discuss this and she answers "Well you should have thought of that before having these papers sent to me!". At this point I ignore her and start talking to my daughter about school and the dance. FF to last night.... She said she has to go to a funeral for a co-workers dad and says the funeral is at 4PM. I ask her what time she thinks she would be back because we need to talk about the house bills, she answers she does not know because she might spend tim with the family after the funeral. (Mind you this is a co-worker NOT friend). She leaves the house around 3:20. Wife then shows up at the house at 5:30AM and goes and locks herself in the guest room. I'm so p!ssed, just tired of her treating the family home as a hotel that she comes back to sleep and clean herself up at. I knock on the door and she just yells "What!, what do you what?!?" I hold back from just screaming and cursing and just say "forget it, it's not worth it" and walk away from the door. I just don't know how much more of this I can take. Court date is two weeks away, I hope to god that the judge sees that her staying in the house is not good for my daughter or me and makes her get out. Link to post Share on other sites
2long Posted August 26, 2012 Share Posted August 26, 2012 Call that friend and tell him/her the truth. dscl: Did you do this? About your update, you should get yourself a VAR and keep it on you at all times. Tell your W that you are recording every conversation you have with her. Be civil, refrain from getting angry. Basically, you need 2 document everything - like the incident where she talked about the letter in front of your daughter. You also need 2 protect yourself in case she tries 2 drum up some abuse charge, call the police, and have you removed from your own home. If you are divorcing, you do not need (or want) 2 work with her as a married couple. You should not care if she's out all night, but document that fact. There was a guy by the name of PSUBIKER on marriage advocates' blogging forum who was removed from his own home by his WW. He got smart and started documenting everything she tried 2 do 2 him, which included numerous false allegations of abuse. Every time she dragged him in2 court, he was better prepared than she was. Still, she kept it up for at least 2 years after they divorced. Don't let this happen 2 you. best, -ol' 2long Link to post Share on other sites
Author dscl Posted August 26, 2012 Author Share Posted August 26, 2012 I did tell me friend about it and it really helped, he mentioned that his wife never liked my wife because she always seemed distant and fake, she is now the second wife of a friend that has told me the same thing about my wife. I guess I never saw it since I loved my wife and I thought she was perfect for me. I've also been documenting her coming and goings since my lawyer told me to do it. I do have a VAR that I used to record her and the OM in her car, but I'll take your advice and now use it for every conversation we have going forward. Knowing her, she will not speak about ANYTHING if she knows she is being recorded. Link to post Share on other sites
Tallblueyed Posted August 26, 2012 Share Posted August 26, 2012 I'll take your advice and now use it for every conversation we have going forward. Knowing her, she will not speak about ANYTHING if she knows she is being recorded. Check your State laws. In my State only one party needs to know that it is being recorded, which would nullify the need to tell her you are recording your conversations. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dscl Posted August 26, 2012 Author Share Posted August 26, 2012 Check your State laws. In my State only one party needs to know that it is being recorded, which would nullify the need to tell her you are recording your conversations. Thanks for the heads up, just checked and my state also only requires that only one party of the conversation knows that they are being recorded. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author dscl Posted August 26, 2012 Author Share Posted August 26, 2012 Not looking to do cloak and dagger, more protecting myself from anything she might say in the future. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 Was just curious about what exactly you are trying to achieve with this cloak & dagger mission dscl? That's easy. Keep from losing his home, his life savings, his earnings for the next 15 years, his retirement, and his kids...all just because his wayward wife WANTS it. He's at war, now, tim. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Emme Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 I tell her that this is not the time or place to discuss this and she answers "Well you should have thought of that before having these papers sent to me!". At this point I ignore her and start talking to my daughter about school and the dance. Oh no she didn't! Now see... *sigh* ... There is no need to do this around the child. This woman truly isn't thinking in her right frame of mind. I just don't know how much more of this I can take. Court date is two weeks away, I hope to god that the judge sees that her staying in the house is not good for my daughter or me and makes her get out. You can take it all. You're not doing this just for you, it's for your daughter. All you have to do is think about protecting your daughter. You can do it and you will do it! Link to post Share on other sites
Steadfast Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 (edited) I read this and it takes me right back. My ex acted exactly the same way. Exactly. The post d-day 'events' and 'get togethers'. The 4:00am arrivals. She was callous, cruel and defensive to a family that did absolutely nothing to deserve it. A family that any real woman would die to protect. Our home was a place for her to eat, $hit, sleep and do laundry. Profoundly sad. It was so absolutely out of character, so off the chart I didn't know what to do. I...we, were blindsided. You DON'T have to take it. Please dscl; ask her to go stay with a friend or relative. Just get her out of there. If she turns defensive, promise her you won't restrict access to the child. I did this and my wife scoffed sarcastically. "I'm supposed to believe YOU?" "Yes" I responded calmly. "I've done nothing to cause you to believe you can't." She didn't answer, but she knew I was right. For all real and practical purposes, the relationship with our kids -as they knew it their whole lives- ended then. By the time she came sniffing back around and 'missing them' they had adjusted to life without her. For this, I pity her. It was heartbreaking to send her away and things didn't really improve until the divorce was final. When it was, I felt a relief that can't be described. I had what I wanted and needed. No more wife meant no more cheating wife. Healing followed. Edited August 27, 2012 by Steadfast Link to post Share on other sites
Author dscl Posted August 27, 2012 Author Share Posted August 27, 2012 Well, just got an email from the wife saying she will be talking to her lawyer this week and would like to discuss things with me tonight... Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 Well, just got an email from the wife saying she will be talking to her lawyer this week and would like to discuss things with me tonight... Well, you have to look at it this way. Since you're in a no fault state, the state could care less who cheated on who. What they DO care about, is who's going to be the more stable parent for your daughter. So, if you can prove that she has to travel a lot for her work. Prove how many times she was away from the home during the marriage, that weights heavily in your favor. I think she's starting to realize that she doesn't have as strong of a case as she first thought. Whatever she wants to discuss tonight, DO NOT AGREE TO ANYTHING. Say you'll bring it up with your lawyer and that's the best you can do right now. I still say that you should talk to your lawyer about the alienation of affection lawsuit against the OM. Or an intentional infliction of emotional distress lawsuit against the douche rocket. Hell, you've got all that evidence, might as well put it to use! Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 Ask for the stars, accept the moon (through the lawyer, not to her). Do NOT volunteer any information on what you will be doing. Listen to her, say uh-huh and 'that's interesting' a lot, and leave without telling her what you have planned. Let HER write out what she wants but don't give her a thing. Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 Well, just got an email from the wife saying she will be talking to her lawyer this week and would like to discuss things with me tonight... Don't offer up anything, just listen to what she has to say and tell your attorney. Oh, and don't freak out when her attorney comes back with their list of demands. It will be asking for EVERYTHING. Its just an attorney's trick to scare the other spouse. 50% is 50%, only way she can get more than 50% of marital assets is if you just give it to her. Link to post Share on other sites
Ninja'sHusband Posted August 27, 2012 Share Posted August 27, 2012 Hey man, I know this is rough for you. It's so hard. It's obvious this relationship is completely toasted with no repair in site, but given that, just focus on what is best for your daughter. It really sounds like she loves both of you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dscl Posted August 27, 2012 Author Share Posted August 27, 2012 (edited) So she just came home and said: "I changed my mind, I want to talk to my lawyer before we talk", I did not even look at her and just said "If you think that's best". I really see now that this is going to turn into just a drawn out war with this woman..... Edited August 27, 2012 by dscl Link to post Share on other sites
Author dscl Posted August 27, 2012 Author Share Posted August 27, 2012 So as I sit here thinking about this, I think I'm done trying to work with her. She just left to take our daughter to cheerleading practice (The only think she still does as a mother) and I think when she gets back I'm going to tell her I changed my mind and that there is nothing else we need to talk about. Tired of her thinking that everything has to happen on her terms, this will either be a shock to her since I've been the one who has been trying to make this process easier or it could be the beginning of the long drawn out court battle, either way I'm ready for it. I can't keep living with the constant flip flop of her mind, it's time to end this one way or the other. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted August 28, 2012 Share Posted August 28, 2012 Good. This is what you've been needing to get to. Stay firm! For your kids, if not for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Cb3657 Posted August 28, 2012 Share Posted August 28, 2012 I see no happy ending for your marraige no matter what you do so you might as well do this. I think one day she may realize what a complet a** she made of herself but ultimately it does not matter. Someone who believes they are a right as she does will Never make any attempt to repair this even if she is able to face it. Keep your head high man you are doing the right thing Link to post Share on other sites
2long Posted August 28, 2012 Share Posted August 28, 2012 Amicable divorces are really rare, and you're not going 2 be among them. Sorry. You handled that well. Now, don't talk about it anymore with her. Anything she asks you, you refer her 2 your lawyer. The sad thing is that this just upholsters the lawyers' pockets. But there's nothing you can do 2 avoid this. It has 2 play out now. -ol' 2long Link to post Share on other sites
firemanq Posted August 28, 2012 Share Posted August 28, 2012 Ask for the stars, accept the moon (through the lawyer, not to her). Do NOT volunteer any information on what you will be doing. Listen to her, say uh-huh and 'that's interesting' a lot, and leave without telling her what you have planned. Let HER write out what she wants but don't give her a thing. Been there, done that. Drove the STBXW crazy, absolutly crazy. Made me feel real good. One of the few pleasures during that dark time. Thanks for the smile Link to post Share on other sites
Author dscl Posted September 4, 2012 Author Share Posted September 4, 2012 So minor update.... Wife has been super nice to me the last week. Of course I don't believe any of it and continue to NC as best as I can while living under the same roof. What I have been doing is going out with friends as much as I can after my daughter has gone to sleep to just get away from the wife and to stop her from using me as a baby sitter to run off and be with her OM. Yesterday wife is upstairs taking a shower and I noticed she left her purse on the kitchen table. I take a look inside and see the her work phone is in it, I start looking at the text and see that the OM was texting her the night before about meeting up at some hotel. I also see a text from a old friend of her's so I open it. Backstore on this "friend", he is the ex husband of one of my wife's life long friends. They got divorce because she was cheating on him. He then within a year marries his son's teacher?!? Reading the text, wife is telling him how she has met someone else, and is only married on paper. He starts advising her on what to do to make sure she can get all she can it court. He also tells her he has had a crush on her for over 20yrs. Tells her to be nice to me to make me believe that we could settle everything easy in court!! So, what I was thinking about how the "nice" act was fake has been proven. And staying true to form, wife said she needed to go to the office to work, left at 5:30PM and did not get back until past 1:30AM. What really bothers me is that this guy had the same thing happen to him and now he is advising my wife on how to work me?!? What an a$$!! Court date is now 8 days away, seeing the lawyer today to discuss all that has happen these last couple of weeks. Link to post Share on other sites
Steadfast Posted September 4, 2012 Share Posted September 4, 2012 (edited) Knowing all you do, I'd advise against any more phone checking and/or snooping of any kind. In my opinion, you don't need any more information. Believe me when I say truth is stranger than fiction where cheaters are concerned. There is no 'brotherhood of the betrayed' either. Men...most of them anyway, are horny, needy pigs who'll stab you in the back for a piece of a$$. Don't expect anything else. Just know that your STBX has limited value as a partner. Have you spoken to your lawyer about moving her out? There is nothing to gain living under the same roof, except for tearing off the scab every couple of days. Put the house up for sale (or short-sale) and move everyone if that's what it takes. Get your own space. You can't heal under her nose. Edited September 4, 2012 by Steadfast 2 Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted September 4, 2012 Share Posted September 4, 2012 Although...that would have been an amazing screenshot to give to your lawyer. Link to post Share on other sites
2long Posted September 6, 2012 Share Posted September 6, 2012 Yes, but since it's her work phone, it is probably illegal for him 2 snoop on it. If he paid the bill, that'd be different. Stead is right. Why prolong the agony of having her around under the same roof? -ol' 2long Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted September 6, 2012 Share Posted September 6, 2012 Because...he can't kick her out? Link to post Share on other sites
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