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W is having an affair

dscl

By dscl,
in Infidelity

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Ellin

Ellin

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So sorry OP for what you are going through. If you can't think of anything else right now think of your daughter and how horrible a mother your wife is being. Putting her OM before her child is awful. How could she go a week without seeing her daughter? You see how easy it was for your wife to lie to your face without batting an eye. Maybe when the fog clears you may not want this skank back.

I haven't read the whole thread (sorry) but this is what stood out for me in the OP's story.

 

She goes a week without seeing or expressing any interest in her only child and then reluctantly agrees to see her when reminded?

 

Dreadful.

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Ellin

Ellin

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So sorry you're going through this dscl.

It's hard to believe this now but one day it won't hurt that much any more and life will be ok again. Be strong.

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Steadfast

Steadfast

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Because...he can't kick her out?

 

So, she's the only one with 'rights' here? I can't believe that. Is anyone taking into consideration the number of domestic violence cases that spring from situations like these? I guarantee you that she'd have someplace to go if he was abusing her. And while I do know the difference between the two, that doesn't erase that the OP is being exposed to real, tangible abuse. It goes beyond right and wrong. Separation is common sense.

 

Obviously, follow the advice of your attorney dscl, but this is madness.

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Radu

Radu

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Remember that number, your lawyer might be able to subpoena it's texts.

 

If it's owned by the company she works for, she will be in hot water if it's found out what she is using it for.

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turnera

turnera

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So, she's the only one with 'rights' here? I can't believe that. Is anyone taking into consideration the number of domestic violence cases that spring from situations like these? I guarantee you that she'd have someplace to go if he was abusing her. And while I do know the difference between the two, that doesn't erase that the OP is being exposed to real, tangible abuse. It goes beyond right and wrong. Separation is common sense.

 

Obviously, follow the advice of your attorney dscl, but this is madness.

Well, dscl can leave any time he wants to. He just can't kick HER out, and he likely can't take his child with him without her getting a RO against him.

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dscl

dscl

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Update:

 

So did not see my lawyer last week because he told me that the wife's lawyer was out of town, but that they would be sending my lawyer their paper and my lawyer said to wait to have a meeting to see what was in the paperwork, this was on Tuesday and I have heard nothing back yet.

 

Today I came home late and the wife was in the backyard talking on her cell phone, I found it odd that she was still home and not spending time woth OM like she usually does on Fridays and the weekend.

 

While she was outside, I saw that her purse still had her work phone in it so I take a peak at the txt messages, come to find out, OM is in California on a business trip and the txt where them setting up a time for the wife to call him.

 

Wife is talking to OM while our daughter is sleeping just a couple of feet away in her room. It took everything in me not to go out there and explode on her, I just don't know how she has NO shame to do this in our family home.

 

I've been holding back doing full exposure in the hope that it would help my court case in ending this quicker and maybe keep the house, but I just can't keep living this way. My fear is that living in a no fault state that the A will not even be and issue and the judge will just split everything down the middle. :(

 

Going to call my lawyer in the morning and ask him, would it really hurt my case if I blow the affair out of the water. I'm sure he will say no, but I can't afford a drawn out legal battle with this woman.

 

I feel so lost...

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dscl

dscl

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I already told her mother's side of the family so they already know. I'm talking about telling her job and OM's wife. Big fear is having this turn into a very expensive court case since once I tell, wife has nothing to loose by making it a long case.

 

 

I know her dad has given her money and she keeps saying OM gives her money.

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2sunny

2sunny

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I already told her mother's side of the family so they already know. I'm talking about telling her job and OM's wife. Big fear is having this turn into a very expensive court case since once I tell, wife has nothing to loose by making it a long case.

 

 

I know her dad has given her money and she keeps saying OM gives her money.

 

Yes - exposé - and if OM is married - tell his wife immediately as well.

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Steadfast

Steadfast

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Posted (edited)
I've been holding back doing full exposure in the hope that it would help my court case in ending this quicker and maybe keep the house, but I just can't keep living this way. My fear is that living in a no fault state that the A will not even be and issue and the judge will just split everything down the middle. :(

 

That's why you've subjected yourself to this life? Fear? Worse, you fear something that'll happen anyway. The 50-50 split that is, and toss in joint custody too, unless she's a proven druggie with a record. Whoever is named the resident parent will receive child-support if income is similar.

 

The court won't care if she's cheating. In fact, the court won't give two-$hits about your marriage. The focus will be on the child and the division of shared property. They actually prefer that you have this worked out before you come before the bench. You only realize it would have been better and cheaper to settle out of court (no lawyers) after it's over!

 

If your lawyer says she was off with her lover and never home, her lawyer will counter and say she needed to get away from you to keep her sanity.

 

And truthfully? It'll probably never get that far. The judge will no doubt stop 'relationship' talk before it starts. All the 'evidence' you've gathered will be worthless because the court doesn't care if she's cheating. What you're bringing in there they see every day, all day. They know more about your marriage than you do. They will apply the state-mandated formula and if you can't get along, they'll order meditation. Done. Next case.

 

You're getting played by both sides; your lovely wife and the system. Wise up friend, pull your head out of your a$$ and get your ducks lined up.

Edited by Steadfast
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drifter777

drifter777

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As nearly all posters to this thread have told you, tell OM's wife. Now. You have no reason to keep this from her and, more importantly, she has a right to know the truth. You don't need to convince her or bring her stack's of evidence. Just summarize what you know and she'll do the rest.

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BetrayedH

BetrayedH

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There's no excuse for not exposing to the OMW at this point. Once attorneys and money are involved, divorces are rarely amiable (unless one side is stupid enough to just be amiable while sacrificing what they shouldn't). Haven't you been taken advantage of enough at this point?

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