Personal space?

[o_F]

Hi. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years. Well, we have been fighting rather frequently for the past year. We broke up a few times but still got back together. Recently, we talked to each other about the relationship and from what he told me, he feels that I'm am overly dependent on him, and so he hopes I can do other things that I enjoy too. Also, he told me that he feels that I do not really know how to care for him. I was very shocked as all along, I thought I have given my best to this relationship but he still didn't feel very loved. I wonder

 

if my method of "caring" is wrong. What should I do?

 

I have a problem of not being able to walk away from fights too. I don't know why but I'm that kind that jumps into putting back peace and order while my bf thinks we should actually cool off first. So in the end, I will call him back and things get worse and worse because we are still angry with each other..... any advice?

 

Lastly, in your opinion, what should "PERSONAL SPACE" be like?

 

Thanks a lot.

[Tony T]

The two of you need to learn how to talk, how to effectively communicate, how to listen to each other and how to hear clearly what each other is saying...and to fully understand it.

 

You need to ask him how he would like to be "cared" for if he has a problem with how you are caring for him.

 

You need to ask him precisely how far he would like you to back off and give him space. Maybe he feels you are too clingy. Most people need room to be themselves independent of their love. Oh, yes, it's wonderful to have someone to love and care about but everyone needs that freedom to be an individual and to grow in certain ways that are independent of a relationship.

 

Relationships should be the platform for growing and learning. If the two of you do not communicate, your relationship is sure to die...and you will go on in life never knowing what the answers to your questions are...never knowing what kind of personal space he needs, never knowing how he wants you to care for him.

 

So, see him, sit him down and start discussing things in the very best way you can...so when all is done, you won't need to ask everyone on the Internet what he meant, what he needs...HE WILL TELL YOU DIRECTLY...which is the way it's supposed to happen.

 

If you don't get clear answers from him, that in itself is a statement. It sort of says he's ready to move on with his life.

 

I wish you great happiness.

[Kelly]

Personal space is just that "space". From eachother, from outings together, from family things. spending time alone without eachother lets one another breathe. You should do the things you like on your own or with your friends, you shouldn't make yourself interested on purpose and go as far as doing things he likes b/c you want to be by his side. Personal space defines your personality, it's what makes you different from your bf and also other people. Nothing worse than someone who has no "life". Go and have fun and like he said "do your own thing" for yourself, who cares if he isn't interested or vice versa, establish your own hobbies or likings. Like they say nothing is more attractive than an independant woman girl!!