Should I overlook my husbands drinking habit??

[kiwi29f]

My husband has been drinking alot & it really bothers me. He spends about $30-$40 on beer every week & drink 6-12 beers every night. He's been doing this for months. When I try to talk to him about it, he just thinks I'm being mean. He says "I'm not mean & my additude doesn't change so what does it matter." This really bothers me & he just doesn't seem to car. This is our ONLY problem in our marriage, other wise we are very happy. he is a wonderful husband & father. We don't have alot of money and its starting to get really expensive. Almost $200 a month, with that money we could be making a car pmt. that we desperatly need. And the fact that its not good for him, he does work hard & takes good care of us. Should all that out weigh his drinking since he's not abusive in any way, should I just over look this flaw? I just feel like my hands are tied & its becomming a problem. Any suggestions?

[Olivia_19742004]

What has changed in his life that makes him want to drink? Have you asked him if he's happy? Is there anything wrong at work? Instead of just saying he needs to stop drinking find out why he's drinking.

[Moose]

I agree. There has to be an underlining reason why he drinks so much. For me it's the abuse I suffered when I was younger. I drank 6-12 beers a day, ( Still drink, but I try to stay under 6 beers a day ). I quit completley a couple of times, but then something would come up, my real Father dying, then it was Father's day not long after, something just kept coming up.

 

Since it's a financial strain in your marriage you need to talk seriously about it to him. That's going to be the hardest thing. Noone likes to admit that they have a problem with alcohol, I know I don't. But I know now that I am an alcoholic and I need to watch it. The only reason I continue to drink is because my doctor perscribed me drugs for depression and anxiety. Those drugs gave me affects worse than the alcohol did. I lost a job over the drugs and I refuse to take them anymore.

 

I am seeing another doctor and he's been weening me off the alcohol and my smoking as well. His methods are a lot easier to handle than trying to hide everything with drugs. There are a lot of programs out there that will help you, try alanon, ( My wife and kids go to their meetings and it helps them a lot ). You will find that alcoholism is a disease, and there is no cure. The person who has the disease cannot control it, so they must seek outside help.

 

When my wife and kids go to alanon I'm usually at my Doctor's office getting my therapy. Once I'm weened, I will start going to AA in the same building. ( I put that up just for other posters so they understand what's going on before they start chewing me out for continuing my drinking ).

 

Start with the Alanon, your husband doesn't have to know since he works all those hours. It will help you better understand what's going on with him.

 

Good Luck

Moose

[PUHLEEEEZE...]

My sister's husband is an alcoholic. She is still with him after 30 years. She has wasted her life hoping he would finally see the light and quit. Please don't waste YOUR life....Tell your husband either he gets help NOW, or you are outta there.

[kiwi29f]

He has been stressed out with his work. They pay him crap & he's pretty much in charge of the whole place since they dont have a manager. He's been working alot of extra hours. I guess I didnt think about that. But I have asked him why & he just says he likes to be messed up. I just get so frustrated, there is so much more things we can spend the money on. We both use to party alot & do drugs & drink but once I got pregnant & had our baby none of that matters anymore, I've quit everything that I use to do and I guess since it was so easy for me, I get frustrated b/c he's still somewhat like that. He has calmed down alot and I guess thats when he started drinking alot. We probably wouldn't spend so much money on it if his friends(mainly one) didn't come over so often & help him drink it. We are both still young so I just hope he grows out of it, I'm just so tired of fighting about it. This has been the most stressful thing about our marriage so far I just feel like crying all the time. It just really bothers me. I grew up w/ my father being an alcoholic and he use to beat my mother & I swore I would never get myself in that situation. Now I kinda am except my husband isn't abusive.

[Olivia_19742004]

Drinking six to twelve beers every night is not something you grow out of. He's not drinking to relax himself after a hard day. He's drinking to stop thinking about his problems. That isn't something that will go away on its own. Has he thought about looking for a new job? Has he talked with his boss about a raise?

[msrealdoll]

I was in a very similar situation with my first husband. When I got pregnant, I quit drinking. He never slowed down. Money was very tight, but he still drank.

 

It got to the point that I finally told him it would be his daughter and me or alcohol. He chose alcohol. I left.

 

That was over 20 years ago. He still drinks as much as he did then, if not more. His health is failing. He's still financially unstable. His daughter has lost all respect for him.

 

I am so glad I didn't stay.

[valdeem]

Hi Kiwi,

 

I don't think a drinking problem is something to ignore and I think it's courageous that you are bringing it up here. Recognizing this is a problem is a great first step that will help your husband and the family. It will help guide you into how you approach your relationship. Although it may not seem like you know where to begin, there is one thing you can do. In tough times I've always found that pray works. Sometimes I get answers that totally go against all human logic, so I'm not going to give any advise here. But, when I listen quietly to the inner voice, to the higher power, I call God, my divine Father-Mother, the answer comes. So don't be afraid. Nothing is impossible to divine Love. The angel intuitions are always talking to us, we just have to listen and follow them. You can trust that these angel ideas are also speaking to your husband and guiding him no matter how confused he may seem right now. He sounds like a good man and your divine parent won't let him get lost.

 

Sometimes when things look dark it's hard to know how to pray. But, I like to remember what spirituality writer, Mary Baker Eddy, says about prayer..."Thoughts unspoken are not unknown to the divine Mind. Desire is prayer; and no loss can occur fromtrusting God with our desires, that they may be

moulded and exalted before they take form in words and in deeds." Keep asking your divine Parent what to do....there will be an answer.

[bellablu]

I was married to an alcoholic for 15 yrs with my first marriage, had 2 children by him, and now my 21 yr. old son is an alcoholic I think... we married at age 18 and stuck it out for 15 yrs. I drank along with him for a while but, once the children came it changed my life. He is still drinking so I hear and his health is failing. Once I left him I partied a bit and then got my bearings back and only went out and drank once in a great while...I met my now husband in a bar, not a good place but, it was my then roommate that said get outta this house and lets go have a beer, I worked a lot then and never went out afraid of meeting another loser, lol...I didn't want to go but, I did and met my current husband there. I love him dearly and my husband is a good provider too, He is a warm loving caring man (WHEN) he is sober.... we have one child together and we love him beyond compare. My husband is also an alcoholic, ( I feel as though I attract this type of person???), he drinks every other night lately and ends up staying up all night because alcohol affects him that way. Sometimes he can go a week without drinking but, usually ends up drinking heavily after that, he is a binge drinker. He has been in trouble with the law and recently got a DUI while driving home from work late one night. He also has a slight gambling problem and we have lost $$$$$ due to this. We also have almost lost our business due to his drinking. The problems that go along with living with an alcoholic are enormous, whether your spouse drinks to forget past or present problems or whether he gets angry or passive.....it will not change unless he wants to change and he makes the decision to change on his own. My husband has promised me before many times he would stop...he will for a while, usually after a Major hangover and usually when he has been drinking all night, went out gambling or got into a fight, he is notorious for getting mad about things in his life when he drinks. I am still sticking it out, whether right or wrong I have not gotten to the point to where I feel it is time to leave. I know a lot of people would say get out of the relationship before more damage is done to you or to your children...but, because I love him dearly and because I have to know in my heart it is time to leave....I will stick by the man that I promised before God, that I would stand by him through sickness (alcoholism) and through health...unless he gets violent with me I will be here until I know I can no longer stay....Life is rough with alcohol abusers Stay strong and take care of yourself, best wishes.